returning to work after maternity leave, Manager expects people to have back up child care

[AnguaVonUberwald]

DH and I have no family near by at all, I am only returning to work 2 days a week.

My new manager has previously told me (when asking advise about someone else) that she expects people to have "back up childcare" and not use their annual leave for this! (as you are meant to give 2 weeks notice of annual leave). We have no back up childcare.

I am sitting here with a perfectly happy DS who has diorreah (sp), so wouldn't be taken by a child minder today and am really stressed at the thought of how I am going to manage this!

What do I do? I have no-one to help in these situations.

But you are entitled to parental leave as and when you need it, your manager must recognise this surely?

She doesn't seem to. I have been trying to find out what I am entitled to, but without access to the work computers its really difficult.

Exactly what is parental leave? How much of it is there, when does it apply etc?

She stated to me, catagorically, that she expected people to have back up childcare, or "horrors of horror" (my words), they might expect "special leave"

I am just really worried about it.

OK, been looking it up, but the key thing here is about giving notice - i.e. when DS is sick at the last minute, and I can't get in.

The gov site suggests "asking to use annual leave" But she has stated, "you are meant to give 2 weeks notice for annual leave"!

I can't help with the legal/HR aspects of this, but I would suggestt that it's a good idea anyway to have a back up plan. Why not register with a local nanny agency?

There's nothing worse than knowing that your normal arrangements have fallen apart, so having something in place will help reduce the stress for you.

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Becausei'mworth it.

I have been thinking about that. Would a local nanny agency provide emergency child care on an occasional basis?

You are enititled to emergency carers leave in these circumstances. Most employers would let you have the time off, although usually this is unpaid.
To be totally honest though, this is viewed as only being a temporary thing to allow you to get something else organised, and employers would probably expect you back at work after a day or two.
Parental leave is different, and must be applied for in advance.
It's really hard on you when you are a working parent and your kids are ill, most employers will be as fair as they can, but they will expect you to have a back up plan in place.

Just call in sick yourself if your LO is ill?

I think so - you would probably have to pay an annual fee though. Why not just call a few up and see what they say?

We used to use our local agency because they also had a babysitting register. Actually that was another good route to additional childcare, because a lot of the babysitters were keen to work 'direct' with us.

Thankfully we never had to go down this route!

Thank you all. I will look into the whole "emergency nanny" Thing, this seems a really good idea, especially as I am only working 2 days a week, so could then take over if DS was ill.

I don't think I can bank on calling in sick myself. It would depend on how often he got ill, and I really wouldn't want to abuse that as it would affect my employment prospects at work.

Just really stressed as the reality of going back to work is starting to kick in, at the same time as it feels like the right thing for me to do!

You are not entitled to parental leave as and when you need it I'm afraid. Parental leave is in blocks of weeks, requires notice and can be postponed by the employer, so there is only limited choice as to when you take it.

As mankyscotslass says, you are entitled to emergency unpaid carers leave for a day or two, which could be used for short sickness period or to sort out alternative care if it will be longer than that.

Your employer can't insist on knowing about your childcare arrangements if she is in fact asking whether anyone has back up childcare, it's none of her business.

Having said that, if taking only a couple of days unpaid leave will be a problem, trying to sort out something as back up would be a good idea. But as there are two of you to take turns in the event of illness, is it really going to be a major issue?

flowerbybeanbag. I just don't know how major an issue its going to be (especially given that I will only be working 2 days a week), but I am a natural stress bunny, and I can see that it could be a problem.

I start work again in about 5 weeks and today, for example (DS) has diorreah(sp). DH is back at work after being off at Christmas, and it would not go down well if he couldn't go in.

There would be no-one we could ask to have him for the day, so in this situation we would be totally stuck.

I think I will look into agencies, even if the is a fee! (although given how little I will be making after childcare anyway, this could add up to a loss overall on my salary)!

I think paying an annual fee might be a tad over the top tbh.

If you only work two days a week, and you and DH take turns to be off in the event of a child being ill on one of those two days, the number of times it is likely to happen is very small, and taking unpaid leave would probably be better financially.

Children usually arent ill that much, and as flowery says, you are enitiled to emergency unpaid leave.
Of course in the event your manager might prefer you to take annual leave at short notice rather than unpaid leave and then you still having the A/L to use up.

Just to say that children aren't ill that much - but I would say that my childminder's children's illness has also impacted on me in a way I didn't anticipate! Not often, but it's stressful when it happens.

Even if you had 'backup' care, they would not take your sick child either. So can't you argue that neither your regular childcare, nor your backup care will take your child this ill? The following website has some information, but still talks about backup care. www.usdaw.org.uk/equality/news/1205146336_5881.html 'At the moment parents have a statutory right to take a reasonable amount of unpaid time off to make alternative care arrangements.'

angura, i had this - we had pay stopped if we had to look after a lo who was sick, understandable as i was a teacher, so it cost the school about 300 pounds to replace me for a day, never mind the disruption caused. dh & I could take turns, but sometimes he worked abroad, and i got really stressed by this. fortunately dd was rarely ill. i got to know other mums at dd's nursery & we could help each other out, but that's not a great solution - they work as well. i know a lot of staff started phoning in sick themselves if it was their lo, but tha's very dodgy - if you then get their bug, you have to get a doc's cert or go in ill.

i would find out about emergency nannies. there weren't any where we lived, i once had to get my mum to come & stay from 100 miles away!

having said that, dh had an employee who was really taking the with time off - whole day for the dentist or doctor, arriving after 10 or even 11 because traffic was bad - almost every day. dh checked with HR before taking any action, and their first Q was 'do they have children under 5?' (he didn't) even if you are not strictly entitled to time off without notice, the law is far more on your side, if things get nasty. i know you don't want to end up in that situation, but your boss's attitude does not fit well with current legal enforcement & they could end up in serious trouble if they attempted to 'punish' a parent for absence to care for a child. so, you may lose a day's pay, but that should be the worse that happens to you.

Could you go in to work on a different day if you had to take your usual day off to look after your son? ~I agree your employer should not be asking about back-up childcare. That is sex discrimination unless she asks all the men what their back-up childcare is too

Thank you all for your posts. Its not so much about whether I loose a days pay or not (I could cope with that, as the decision to return to work doesn't exactly make sense financially anyway). Its more about the impact at work, and on performance evaluations/relationship with manager.

Or if, god forbid, they just say "NO". Then what would I do? Turn up with a baby?

It has been made clear by this manager that she thinks you shouldn't use annual leave "or next people will expect unapid leave or even special leave".

Which are exactly the options people are meant to use.

My reasons for returning to work are mainly about keeping a foot in the door, doing something different for two days a week, but I want to be able to do it properly and without ending up in a disiplinary for having to look after a sick child!

Anyway, thanks for your support, I know DS hasn't been sick that much, but things like dioreah (sp). They can happen a lot and then suddenly you are stuck!

I would discuss your fears with your manager. Tell her how worried you are, how you don;'t want to let anyone down, how you want to 'put work first' (even though you don't of course!). Offer to do a different day if you have to take your normal day off - just to make it look to her as if you are doing everything you can to prepare for your son being sick. I think managers just usually think everyone is trying to take the p*ss, so you have to make it clear to her that you are doing everything you can. And hopefully he won't be sick too much!

PLease stop worrying, if your LO is ill you'll be too bothered about them to worry what your manage says. Her comments probably come from having people take the p@@@ before. There's no need to lie about why you are off and remember its your legal right.

Your manager sounds like a right charmer, childless presumably.

Have to agree with flowery though, in reality the number of times that you will be in the situation where your DC is ill should touch wood be small.

I would never advocate this normally, but as your boss does not sound entirely rational, then perhaps your ringing in sick may be required as with the best will in the world if your DC is ill they generally don't want to be with someone they haven't met before and if you don't have relatives/friends living near by that can help in this situation and if you aren't allowed to use annual leave, it is a bit of a catch 22 situation.

I've never used them but there is an internet site called something like 'emergency childcare.' It helps you identify childminders or nurseries that you could use on an adhoc basis (for example if your current childminder is ill). It also has an arrangement with Tinnies nanny agency for emergency nannies.

Also I used to have an arrangement with another mum who worked the opposite days to me. I would look after her child and vice versa in a real emergency.

However when my arrangements fell through - normally if the nanny was ill then my and DH would normally take it in turns. If little one was ill, I would normally take a sick day.

To be honest though - your manager has no right to interrogate you on your childcare or emergency childcare arrangements. Would she ask a man the same questions or expect fathers to have emergency childcare provisions. You may have to remind her of this!

An emergency nanny might be just what you need, as you can't take an ill child to a nursery anyway.

I had a similar problem recently - couldn't take time off at work, yet didn't want to send a poorly ds to nursery (and until this week no family around). I found a temp nanny on here for a couple of days (asked Friday night, interviewed Sunday, she started on Monday), and she was wonderful with him. I'd definitely use a temp nanny in an emergency again - whether advertised here or on Gumtree or by using an agency. Don't worry, there seems to be emergency backup around.