..am I spending all my non-existent spare time fantasising about staying at home making jam? And no, that's not a dig at SAHMs - jam has quite a significant role in all of this. And keeping chickens. And growing vegetables and living in the country and, i dunno, stuff. Despite the fact that i am a londoner who has done a stressful adrenalin junkie job all my life and loved it.
I work long hours ft and i am always always knackered but until recently i thought i could cope with that. i also thought i could cope with any guilt (we have a great nanny, ds is happy) but lately that is getting harder - i have travelled a bit for work lately and the last time i came back after only 24 hours away ds woke up in the night howling and refused to let go of me. i thought me and dh could muddle on for a few years without any time with each other really, and i also thought i didnt care about the fact that the house was a tip and nobody ever fixed the broken stuff, but increasingly i find it stressful and want to have a home and family life rather than just a house and a couple barely coexisting.
so i want to know: is this (as we say on MN so often of our dc) a Phase and It Too Will Pass? do all ft working mummies have times like this and am i just overtired and a bit hormonal ( that's the other bit - we are ttc again and getting nowhere, too exhausted to have sex and i suspect too stressed to conceive) and it will all look better soon? or if not, would i be best off going pt than jacking it all in? either would mean a big lifestyle change as we have a mortgage dependent on two incomes, so it would mean moving house....therefore not a simple and/or easily reversible decision....god sorry to waffle on so long