For those of you whose mum/MIL look after LO's how do you handle it? How do you deal with different opinions?

[LoveBeingAMummyKissingSanta]

OK mum is having DD FT when I go back to work in new year. How have you handled differences?

My mum has DS for one day. I'll be honest, it's tough some times. She has different ideas from me but then I remember that

a - she's spending time with DS, she offered, and she doesn't have to do it.
b - she solved a major headache for us as the nursery didn't have space on that day
c - I'm grateful that I have a mum who wants to
d - she raised me and my family and we didn't turn out that bad

I think, if this is what you decide to do, then to a certain extent you just have to suck it up. If you have strong opinions about specific things then let it be known (I guess your mum would know already) but I would bear in mind that it's easier to dictate to a nursery/CM what you want than family. At the end of the day, she's doing you a major financial favour. I always bear that in mind.

HTH

TBH I'm not sure that it is any easier to dictate to a nursery. You can try, but... Some cms will be more flexible but you dc will still have to fit round any other children that they are looking after.

You can explain why you want some things done in a certain way, If there is something that is going to be a deal-breaker (eg smacking, or early weaning) than you need to flag that up well in advance (and decided what happens if that line is crossed). I don't think that there is much point in fussing over say something like your dd's routine because that would get a jolt whichever childcare route you went down.

is your mum fit for having your dd full time?

how many hours a day will she have her?

TBH I couldn't do this to my mum, grandparents are there to enjoy their grandkids when it suits them, not to look after them full time, have you considered how exhausting this'll be for your mum?

she might be all for it now, but the reality could be a shock for her

if you do go ahead and she looks after your child full time, I think you'll have to accept her way of doing most things, as one poster said she is saving you a small fortune, gifts and treats for her are a must

Whatever differences you have, just console yourself with the thought that she is doing a very fabulous thing for you which most other women (without their mums still around to help) would love.

You could be having differences with a CM or nursery and be paying squillions of quid a week for the privilege.

SSD thanks but I'm not 'doing' anything to my mum and it actually suits my mum so look after her. I got asked by my dad in oct why I hadn't already spoken to mum about her looking after LO.

Ladymuck, smacking is one I had thought of tbh, we were smacked but even before DD she knows my opinon on it. The only other thing really is too do with her being put to bed. Mum is a rocker, whereas I have worked hard to ensure she goes down awake and can get to sleep herself.

Thanks everyone, believe me I know how lucky I am, its just the way our family works, tbh would have caused HUGE falout if I'd have sent her to nursery for the week!!!!

Have planned a couple of things to make it easier, have my list of items to buy to get mums house set up. She already has a cot and a changin bag and some emergencgy rashions, but am doing a big shop this week. Plus am going to open a bank account and give her the card to ensure she always has any money she needs for ANYTHINg to do with DD. She won't take money so have been wondering what I could treat her too instead, its hard cause I know M&D will complain about me spending money on them. We weren't even allowed to pay for the turkey and pork that we'd ordeed as our contribution to Xmas.

Can anyone think of anything else?

My Mum and Mil both have DS one day a week. Agree with RMW, a lot of stuff you just have to accept.

Only other thing I can think of - car seat, is your mum def going to use one? In whose car? Do you need to add her to your insurance?

My mum looks after DS one day a week and he goes to nursery two days a week. Its worked out really well for us, my mum keeps to the same routine as we do (almost too much in fact, she still does everything to the exact minute whereas we've let the routine slip a bit now he's a bit older!).

I suppose you need to agree in advance who is buying nappies, providing food, etc so nobody gets offended or upset. My mum buys nappies and wipes as she only had DS one day, and I send food I've cooked in advance as I wouldn't expect her to cook while looking after him. But it might be different for you as your mum is doing it every day - whatever works out most convenient for both of you I suppose.

Is she planning on taking your DD to any baby groups? That might be something you want to decide on in advance too? My mum takes DS to a toddler group and sometimes swimming which she enjoys too because a couple of her friends also take their grandchildren, but I wouldn't expect her to go to one if she didn't feel comfortable with it.

My mum has started having the dc one day a week and I've got to say I was dreading it but actually it's been really good so far.

I think you have to accept that there are going to be some differences at the beginning as there's the novelty of having the grandchildren but as they get into the swing of it, they will soon learn that there's a reason for doing things the way you do!!

If something is particularly important I think you have to be firm and say you'd prefer it if it was done like this and why and then work out just how far you want to push it.

I'm lucky in that my mum comes to mine and we sorted out a buggy and car seats for her so that we don't have to mess around sorting it all out each week. I do dinners up for them to save her cooking. I wrote down their routine etc and said to her you can adapt it as long as you're not veering off the page.

We discussed discipline and what we do and do not accept etc. and as things arise I will have to speak to her. It's about remembering who is the parent and who is the carer but doing it with diplomacy and understanding - not easy to master all the time!!!

Essentially they are totally responsible for them during that time, they've got to feel comfortable in making the decisions otherwise you could have them on the phone every 5mins and that's not going to fill you with confidence.

Thank guys. Nappies and stuff I will stock her up and have joked to dad he needs to design a stock re-order form!

Am getting DD an annual membership for an soft play place near us in march and mum is now a swimmer and knows how much DD enjoyed this. Wit regards to play groups she does want to just ahve to find one that meets her standards