Back to work rant and general whinge!

[ummadam]

I don't want to go back!!! throws toys out of pram, stomps about then tidies them up again

To start with I know how lucky we have been to that I've been at home until DS is nearly a year. We have been (just) about able to cope financially and work have been really good about me going back part time. We've found a lovely nursery where DS seems happy (he's only been there a few hours so far as he caught a bug so has missed most of his settle in days ).

But I don't WANT to count my blessings right now. I have had the best year of my life - sleepless nights not withstanding! I've worked hard but compared to being at work the joy of only being responsible for him and me has been great! I'm sleeping better, I'm happier, not so stressed out and exhausted. I don't want to hand my darling little lad over to someone he doesn't know - for someone else to see his first steps and his first words, for someone else to sooth him when he cries. I don't want to have to leave at 7am to get him to nursery and me to work in time and i don't want to not pick him up until it is bedtime (6.30pm ). I've got an exam to revise for, a year of guideline changes to catch up with, DS is poorly from nursery and has given it to me so we've both got a fever and now when am i supposed to find some new workclothes since none of my old stuff fits anymore. The thought if leaving him for a even a day makes me cry and I'm trying hard not to think about it - I'm going back 3 days a week and I know I have no choice. If I don't go back now I have to quit the career I have been training for since 1999 and I'd probably even be ok with that right now if we could afford it. We really struggled financially growing up and I don't want my kids to go through what we did so I have to go back to work to keep our heads above water. I know I will go back, I wil manage and we will cope and in the long term it is for the best... but for just 5 minutes I want to cry and shout and say STAMP STAMP STAMP STROP I DON'T WANT TO!!!!

Oh poor you. It is really hard and I'm sure every mum on here knows exactly how you are feeling (even if they did'nt go back to work - this is probably why).

You will be working 3 days a week, so you'll still have 4 days every week with your lovely baby. Make those days count (the housework is not that important).

You can't imagine it now, but there are nice things about going back to work: being able to drink a cup of tea without having to microwave it half way through (YUK) is just one of them.

Thanks

A good strop is very therapeutic! I'm keep reminding myself that it is only 3 days but I even look at the kids going to school and cry because how will we manage when he is at school? It's years off and we need to get through then next year first but my hormones are all over the place - worse than when I was pregnant! lol!

It will be nice to drink a warm cup of tea though - except my job isn't one where that usually happens It's more a case of grabbing a quick gulp of tea while attacking a pile of paperwork inbetween the harder bits! A big part of it I think is that I didn't know before now how nice it was not to go out to work every day. I've not been out of employment since I was 14 and got my first after school job. It's not that being a SAHM is easy (far from it) but it is different to what I'm used to and I quite like it. I'm finding it hard to remember as you say that it IS only 3 days a week - going to work for me means fulltime - full on and I have to remember that it's not going to be like that.

I guess it's a mum's lot - guilt whatever you do or don't do!

Yes, I wish it wasn't like that, but the guilt does seem to fall on the woman. Even though my DP was a SAHD for 8 months when I went back to work after maternity leave, he still doesn't feel the same as I do in terms of the compromises you have to make with work and childcare.

I think we make it harder for ourselves, but then again, if you REALLY aren't happy with the idea, you could consider asking your boss if you could work from home one day per week (then you could still have breakfast and dinner with DS). Or perhaps your partner could cut down to 4 days a week or do compressed working (5 days worth of work in 4 days)

I sympathise I know exactly how you feel. I too had a year off with dd and I felt sick to my stomach at the thought of going back to work. I cried myself to sleep the night before. The only way I got through it was to promise myself that I was only going back for 3 months to get my maternity pay and then I would leave!

The first couple of weeks were awful I cried a lot. BUT it did get better and I started to enjoy being something else other than mummy for a change. I think it did dd the power of good too, she has always been very independent. 3 days a week is a good compromise - as Laugs says you still get 4 days a week with your baby. Good luck, you will get through it!

Unfortunately for most mums, whatever hours they do, the guilt hits us hard. I work in a school, s am very lucky to ahve school hols etc off, but i still feel guilty that i dont get to all their plays, shows and after school activities even though they go to the school i work at. I think 3 days will be nice, you'll still have time at home. The trick is to build up a good relationship with your childs nursery key worker so you dont feel that you are dropping him off with a stranger. Have you considered a registered childminder, it could make a difference to what times you need to leave him/pick him up. Good luck.

pinkteddy - did you stay after the 3months or was it as bad as you expected?

techpep - in someways a CM would be brilliant as it would be more homely but I still wouldn't be able to pick him up before 6.30 - I'm actually quite lucky as at least my boss is letting me finish early enough to pick him up on most days (and DH is doing the pickup on the late finish day). If in the future we have more than one then a CM would be the best answer as we couldn't afford 2 nursery fees.

Laugs - our jobs aren't compatible with working from home or compressed working I've seriously thought about jacking it in and shelf stacking in the supermarket at night instead! It's funny isn't it that men don't seem to have the same difficulties. I know my DH is sad that instead of imaging us playing at home DS will be in nursery and he's been very supportive at me taking this amount of time out - but it's not the same. We always joke that one day he'll earn enough that I can stop altogether but it's not likely to happen unfortunately!

Thanks everyone

Yes I did stay, but think it took almost that long to get used to being back at work and getting into a routine. I am now in a different job (less money and prospects but school holidays) which suits me and dd a lot better. Career at a stand still but I've really enjoyed my time with dd and wouldn't change it. The time goes so quickly - make the most of it!

good advice - thank-you