what do you think of my treatment by HR???

[veryhungrycaterpillar]

I moved across to a different office at the request of my team leader in the summer, and was then given no support (I am fairly new to the job) and my team leader belittled and criticised me at every opportunity and his communication was so bad that he often asked me to do one thing and then when I summoned up the courage to ask because he didn't make sense I would discover he meant me to do the opposite. I had also moved house to be closer to my job. I ended up so stressed I felt sick and nauseous, so went to the doctor and when he took my blood pressure it was sky high, so he gave me some tablets and told me to take a week of work and get my blood pressure down. At the end of that week I went to work and told them I was stressed and thats why I'd been off. My team leader conceded I should have been given more support, and that aspect of my job improved, although the team leader was still hyper critical and a bad communicator. Anyway, I did feel less stressed and more supported at work, but two weeks later I came down very suddenly with extreme fatigue and a sore throat. Two months on I still haven't recovered and doctors say it is probably 'post viral fatigue' (which can be triggered by stress rather than a virus).

HR have been cynical from the start. To begin with they refused to believe I wasn't just stressed again, even though I pointed out that I was honest when I was off due to stress. I tried going in to work for half days whenever I felt well enough, but they and my team leader said that it was too difficult for them to cope with the fact that some days I couldn't make it in. I therefore explained this to my doctor and we agreed I will just have to be off until I am fully better.

Anyway, to get to the point. When I have rung / met the HR lady, to update her, she is making comments like 'oooh you must be worried, so early on in your career, and ooooh you know its difficult for us, in this economic climate (my firm have made people redudant, alhtough there is pleny of work in my specialism so this shouldn't affect me, and I've used up my sick days, so not being paid). Maybe I am being over sensitive, but I do feel that she is insinuating that my career / job is at risk because I am ill. I'm just wanting opinions please - am I over reacting/ is this reasonable/ what should I do about it? (I don't have written evidence, she says it on the phone/ in meetings).

apologies for the rant!

so sorry for what you're going through.
imo it doesn't matter what HR think, you have a medical certificate which states you are ill and if they are genuinely concerned they should send you to Occupational Health. They should do this anyway to see how you can best be helped.
I think that HR lady is trying to needle you to return to work out of guilt/fear, maybe she is testing you to see if you are really ill.
I don't think you're being oversensitive at all, you're ill and from what you've said work's attitude isn't helpful (particularly as they may have contributed a lot to your illness)
You know you are ill, you're communicating with work, you've tried to return and be helpful generally. This additional worry isn't helping, if you can, try and focus on getting better. If you feel up to it, say to HR lady I'm sure you mean to be helpful but what I'm hearing is....
hugs to you, I've been where you are and wish you a happy healthy Christmas and new year. (and maybe a new job?!)

Thank you for your commments. I think your exactly right, I do feel she's trying to put pressure on me through guilt /fear to go back to work. and its frustrating because I genuinely would work if I could (hence why I tried half days).

I do feel that I should maybe say somethign to HR, along the lines you suggest, but I'm concerned they will just make it sound like I'm being hugely oversensitive etc etc, and that making any complaint would make it harder for me to return to work....

yes definitely in medium term will start looking for new job, they have lost my loyalty totally over the way they have treated me.... but I am worried that this illness may affect my future job prospects?

She sounds insensitive and clumsy in her approach. However she has a point. If they are having to consider making redundancies, your attendance record means you might be more at risk than others. In her clumsy insensitive way she might be trying to make you aware of that.

It does sound as though your employer's attitude overall has not been helpful or supportive though.

How long have you been there?

I have been there over a year. My job is quite specialist and there is plenty of work for my team, just not for some other teams. My job therefore shouldn't be at risk, but I don't like the undertone of her comments. I don't see what they aim to achieve, I can't 'wish myself better', so pressure won't change thigns. I would really like to be at work, I love my job (just not some of the people), and also need the money. Plus I was prepared to work part time while I recovered, but they were so unsupportive of this which is why I'm off full time. but yes, I can see she might just be being clumsy rather than anything more agressive...

given, as looks likely, that my work's lack of support / bad management, may have caused my illess (whether directly, or by stress lowering my immune system making me more susceptible), shouldn't they be being more supportive, not less?

If they carry on like this, should I look for new employment now, or do I really need to get fully better and be back at work for a bit?

Well yes they should definitely be more supportive, they should be keeping in touch with you well and finding out what support they can offer you to get you back to work.

A part time phased return to work is a good idea and often works well. But you said yourself you were working half days when you felt well enough. It's not surprising that didn't work. If you were able to work part time but regular hours, that would be better, but obviously that's not an option at the moment. Just offering a bit of perspective as to why that option was not supported.

What is your doctor doing to get you fully better? What's the medical 'plan', as it were? What do you think you need in terms of support to get you back to work?

It sounds as though your illness might be at least partly triggered by stress, which may be caused by work, but it's not actually stress itself that is the reason for you being off at the moment. There are physical problems and symptoms that aren't just going to go away by you resigning. IN which case I think you need to get yourself a bit better first as at the moment you're probably not fit to work at a new employer either.

the doctor has told me to try 'graded exercise' on the basis this sometimes helps. I'm also having a couple more blood tests and a heart ultrasound as I have a heart murmur (which I didn't before).

No I see your point flowerytales, that even half time wasn't working. But I wish they'd see that at least I tried that (ie. that I would be there if I could be). Work aren't offering me any support at all, just when I ring up to update them I get those 'comments' from HR.

I do think I need a bit more rest first, but then I would like to do part time while I recover. but also it is hard to go back when faced with a very cynical reaction to the idea that I am ill at all, does that make sense?

I understand what you mean, absolutely. Going back after a long period off is very hard both physically and emotionally, can be quite intimidating and worrying, so if you are faced with an unsupportive attitude while you are off, you are far less likely to be keen to go back and to do all you can to get there.

Whose responsibilty is it at work to keep in contact with you whilst you're off? Do they have any contacts meetings on a face-to-face basis?

Speaking to the same person can help as can speaking face-to-face. If this is not part of their process maybe you could suggest it if you feel comfortable. This way you can set out all of the reasons behind your absence and the support that you need which shows you want to get back to work.

In my experience, HR are absolutely crap. If you get your line manager on your side, they can advise HR on how to progress things.

However, I work for a very large company, so it may not be the same for you. If it is, then HR just do what they are told by line management.

unfortunately, my line manager is even worse than HR (the original source of the stress), and they know it, which is why they are staying out of it and leaving HR to deal with it - I tried emailing them direct but HR just get sent my email and respond!!!

would it be a good or bad idea to contact a colleague from the team who is senior to me but who I have a good relationship with? I'm concerned this would be seen as going behind backs etc, but equally maybe if I knew one person in the team had listed to me and would be there to support me it would help. but I don't want to put them in an awkward position.

I'm staying in touch with friends at work via email and that is at least helping me remember there are people there I like too :-)

If you have a senior colleague who you have a good relationship with I would definitely contact them.

Personally, I would try an help a colleague in this sort of situation and would not see it as being put upon.

Good luck!

If your line manager is being crap and not keeping in touch with you as he/she should, then nothing wrong with asking your colleague for support. But depending on the reasons for the current lack of support, the relationship between the colleague and the line manager and any politics involved, it might be difficult for he/she to offer much practical support, although an ear/shoulder would be helpful.

thanks, yes I agree flowery I need to think carefully about what to do. I don't want to make things too political or put my colleague in a difficult position. But equally I think my line manager will know that my colleague will be better at offering me support. I wouldn't be asking them to 'take sides' or defend me to line manager, just to maybe give me some guidance/ encouragement/ to listen when I get back to work.

thank you for all the advice so far, it has helped me think through things

thanks, yes I agree flowery I need to think carefully about what to do. I don't want to make things too political or put my colleague in a difficult position. But equally I think my line manager will know that my colleague will be better at offering me support. I wouldn't be asking them to 'take sides' or defend me to line manager, just to maybe give me some guidance/ encouragement/ to listen when I get back to work.

thank you for all the advice so far, it has helped me think through things