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what is best age to start childcare?

10 replies

screamingtheplacedown · 01/12/2008 18:18

I met a CM this week who recommends starting to look after my daughter one day per week from 6 months old before moving up to fulltime when she is one. I'm exploring this with my employer who is luckily able to be quite flexible but part of me really wants to stay at home with DD till she's one then start full time straight off (after a little bit of settling in time). I've been reading lots of scary things about separation anxiety - is the CM right that we should do it really slowly like this or is a 6 month settling period a bit excessive? What's the best age to start childcare?

Thanks ladies x

OP posts:
mikeysmom · 13/12/2008 22:49

I think it depends on your child. I think the earlier you start them the better-its more of a routine then. Mines 3.9 and I'm going to start it (reluctintly) and I think he's going to have a hard time with it honestly because he has been at home so long.
Bring along stuffed toys she likes, blanket, so she feels more confortable.
Its hard!

expo · 13/12/2008 22:53

Right - read this book.

Raising Babies by Steve Biddulph.

Please please read it. It has changed my view on childcare for ever. His view (based on new scientific evidence plus anecdotal evidence from nursery teachers) is nursery for age 3 and over only due to stress levels that are now measurable (levels of cortisol tested through saliva swabs) despite what the baby looks like on the outside.

Now I know this is not practical for everybody (including me), but it has modified the type of childcare and the amount of childcare for ever.

Flame me if you wish but do so after reading this book. It is just good to go into an important decision like this with your eyes open.

BirdyArms · 13/12/2008 23:03

If you have to go back to work when your dd is one then a suggestion of 3 years isn't very helpful. I think that your childminder might be right, in my experience with my clingy ds2 I could leave him with almost anyone when he was 6 months but at one he would only be left with people he was very familar with ie dh and our then nanny. I guess he became really clingy somewhere around the 9 month mark.

I do agree that in an ideal world it is better for babies to be with their mothers until 3+ but if that's not practical I think it's better to introduce another carer sooner rather than later. I would think that leaving him even half days with the childminder would be enough and might save a lot of heartache later. And it will give you a break which you should try to enjoy rather than feeling wracked with guilt.

elkiedee · 13/12/2008 23:14

I went back to work full time when ds was 10 months old. He had had spells of being very clingy to me before that, and I found taking him to CM's and leaving him for a couple of hours two or three times before I had to go back to work very hard. The week he started ft he cried the first two mornings, a token protest which stopped when I was still in earshot the third morning, and he's since settled in very happily there, he rushes off to play without a backward look often and only cries being taken away from there to come home!

If you feel that you'd sooner stay at home until your dd is one, I don't see why that shouldn't be workable. I would if you can plan it so you can have some settling in time at the end of your maternity leave - perhaps more than I did as at the end my time with ds felt too precious to want to give it up - it doesn't have to be right now though. I was returning close to the end of my annual leave year so took most of my annual leave as a 5 week block at the end of maternity leave, that meant I went back on to full pay and made it easier to pay our CM both for settling in and for the first weeks before I got paid again (after being part time).

expo · 13/12/2008 23:15

You are correct BirdyArms. The books suggestion of 3 years is not very helpful (certainly not to me and a lot of other people unfortunately). However, just because it is not very helpful to people doesn't make it not true and worth being aware of.

I am not addressing this at you BirdyArms bu the way, but I believe that we shouldn't cover up scientific evidence of detriment to our children just because it is not practical. I would at least prefer to know the truth even if I have to go to work anyway. I have modified the type of childcare I use because of this book and would like other mums to have the option of reading the evidence and taking heed or ignoring.

Shitemum · 13/12/2008 23:20

Based on studies they say 3 is the earliest they should start. Mine started at 2yo and everyone around me thought I was too 'soft' to let them go at a younger age.
That said you have to do what's best for your family. If keeping them at home till they are 3 will ruin you economically or cause such stress as to lead to the breakup of the family then obvioulsy you should start them earlier.
It has been very hard on us economically to have only one income but I believe my DDs have benefitted from being at home for as long as we could manage.

expo · 13/12/2008 23:38

By the way the book officially says (and bear in mind this is Steve Biddulph's opinion only - albeit his opinion has been developed from looking at the evidence). Take it or leave it but this is what his opinion is (and he has studied it more than I have). And you have to read the book to get the full story and see all the evidence. I can't explain it all here.

Child's first year
Do not use nursery care at all. Organise for baby to be with a parent or grandparent at all times except for occasional breaks - days off or evenings out - when you have a trusted and familiar babysitter

When your child is one
Up to one short day per week, for example 9am til 3pm, with a trusted and familiar carer. Ideally 1:1 but 1:3 at the very most.

When your child is two
Up to 2 short days per week with a trusted and familiar carer. After 2 and a half, a group setting like a good quality nursery can be suitable for girls, but usually boys are not ready until they are 3. Only use group care if the child settles well, and for half days only.

When your child is three
Up to three short days or half days a week in a good quality nursery or pre-school

When your child is four
Up to 4 short days or half days a week in a good quality nursery or pre-school

Now again, I am not saying this is practical. But there it is - his opinion based on the latest science and anecdotal evidence from people like Directors of nursery schools. And I for one cannot practically do this at the moment. I have however modified my arrangements and am now looking to sell our house, down size and give up work for a while. Not a great time to do it I know.....

Shitemum · 13/12/2008 23:52

As I said mine both started at 2yo with 5 days a week from 10am to 3.30pm.
When we move back to Scotland next year having had a full year of this DD2 will have no nursery at all for the first 5 months as she won't start till the term after her 3rd bday which is next september. Then she only gets 2.5 hour a day.
I'm wondering what the point of 2.5 hours of nursery is?
Is the idea to accustom the DC to school slowly or to allow the carer to work, because there's not much you can do with 2.5 hours is there?

expo · 14/12/2008 00:30

....by the way the question the OP asked was "what is the best age to start childcare" not "be helpful to me by reassuring me that starting childcare at 1 year old is best for my child"

cat64 · 14/12/2008 00:40

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