Bullying...should I confront them

[aidansyummymummy]

I returned to work after taking Maternity leave and have been flexible and helped out on another section as and when they needed helping out. I have now had a semi permament move to that section and am happy enough with the move although it I am a little rusty and sometimes needs refreshing on the technical issues. However overall I am one of the most experienced and respected members of staff and also get on with most people across all the different sections.

However certain people have taken to making snide and rude comments to me and belittling me. There is a trio of women who sit behind me and they make little comments all day long about whatever I happen to say. What annoys me is one of these people is really bad at her job and has always been carried by other members. Shes has issues with me and has always been allowed to get away with nasty comments as management percieve us to have "history" as i had difficulty with her general attuide whilst I was her Mentor. She is also techincally unable to do her job without constant help. I have had enough of the way she is talking to me and the deputy is one of the trio.

The other big problem is the other Team leader who I do not report to has been making comments and generally on my back all the time. Suggestions from me are ignored when ideas are sought. In meetings she talks over or down to me. If I need to ask questions of one of her team she asked what I want...in a rude unhelpful way.

What do I do? I have ignored it for too long now and have no faith in management. This team leader has already been moved twice...and bullying was the reason on the (pretty reliable) grapevine.

I now feel like taking her to one side tomorrow and asking if she has any problems with me and if now could she please start talking to me better. Even her team are appalled by what she is doing to me....some colleagues have witnessed it and asked why i am tolerating it.

Sorry for the long post but I am just at the end of my tether...and short of getting signed off (which wont solve anything longterm) I dont know what to do!

I started it and have had 4 female bosses none of whom were supportive.

However, a teammate under one such boss has gone on to manage a large team and has been nominated and won an award for being a fab manager. I've also worked with some brilliant women. It just seems that in my experience they feel threatened {or maybe it's just me) whereas men are generally more laid back.

My husband's team love him, he works in a male dominated office and they all get on famously.

Salaroo - you say "they feel threatened". What - ALL of them? "Men are generally more laid back" What - ALL of them?

"My husbands team love him" Really, - ALL of them?

Am off to work this morning....been crying all night and have eyes like golf balls. Not a good look. Feel too vunerable to confront them, and no immediate supervisor to go to as my TL is on leave and the others are bullys.

Message withdrawn

Message withdrawn

Unavailable the ones I worked for yes and again yes, all of my husbands team love him. They have told him so in their appraisals.

You a manager or once were I presume???

Aidans yy sorry to hear its got this stressful for you, take care of yourself.

aidansmummy I read your OP with interest, esp since you say you work for a Govt dept. I am having problems with a woman on our clerical team who is a nasty piece of work. She had a stand up row with her last TL over checking of work - but directed at me as the tech support- and a few incidents that were bad enough for disciplinary. He decided to let it drop rather than report her.

This week she's had another go. She shouldn't be allowed to speak to anyone the way she does, esp a higher grade, but it's a combination of "that's her way" and no-one wanting to stand up to her. I've told her TL I'm going to take it further if there is another incident, which is what you may have to do.

There's been some good advice on this thread. If they start again remember there are others going through the same thing

If you're working for a govt dept, can you go to the union? If you're not in a union, join one now. I brought a bullying case against someone much more senior than me when I worked briefly for the Department for Incompetents and Dimwits. My boss didn't want to know, nor did HR or anyone else. It was only the union who helped me with my complaint about bullying. In circumstances like this, you do need someone to hold your hand.

Hi all

Just to let you know that the bullying issue has come to a head at work. The union rep was pretty rubbish and told me to try and wait til my own Team leader (TL) was back on Monday and deal with it informally. However the incidents were getting worse and worse. When I went into work on Wednesday they just knew I knew and I didnt even try and be polite to them. In the end one of the trio was very rude to me and said it very loudly so I asked her not to speak to me like that. She became worse so I said very firmly and rather loudly "No... the way you speak to me is unacceptable and I will not tolerate it anymore" You could see everyone in the room thinking well done about bloody time......she stormed off only not to be followed and came back after a few minutes and got her head down. When the deputy TL came back I asked her for a meeting. I told her what had been going on with this woman and the other stuff I had heard. I told her if it was happening I expected an end to it (she was one of the trio) I also told her I would be making a complaint about the other TL.

I wont post what happened afterwards as it is too recongisable to publish but in the end senior management got involved..I basically told them deal with this and stop it right now or I will take official action...and if I am bullied out of my job I will go to an employment tribunial and cited some other issues that they couldnt defend. They knew they had pushed me too far and today work actually hasnt been to bad. Complete changes of attuide, all nice as pie to me and that in itself it proof this action was necessary.

I have completely messed up any chance of progression but at least I feel better and a line has been drawn!!!

thank you to everyone for all your help and support!!

Good girl, you should be very proud of yourself. I'm proud of you. Why shoud 8 hours of anyones day be made hell.

Well done again. xx

aidans that's absolutely fantastic, I bet you feel about 3 stone lighter. SOunds as though you did really really well, hope things continue to move forward positively for you.

delighted for you aidansmummy. Have a huge celebratory glass of wine now!