Support thread for those going back to work in the new year

[mustincreasebust]

I just thought I start somewhere for everyone that is getting ready to go back to work to hold each other's hand and share experiences.

I will be going back on the 26th of Jan when DD will be 7 months old. I initially had planned on taking a year ML but DH's job is under threat so we need to keep our savings for the rainy days that are sure to come. I have applied for flexible working working 3 days in the office and 2 days from home. When I talked to my manager before making my official application, he was so unsupportive about working from home not really sure what will come of it. I really do not know what I would do if they turned me down but will cross that bridge when we get to it.

Childcare wise I have signed DD up to a nursery next to my work which everyone raves about but who knows how she will take to it. She is teething at the moment and is really clingy so am a bit hoping she isn't so demanding then and being so miserable.

So for all of you in the same boat it would be nice to share tips, support each other etc. As noone seems to understand how hard it all is.

that's me! well i'm going back for 4 days before christmas (2 x 2 day weeks) then starting for real in january. dd will be 8 months in january - i also wanted to take a year but all my savings are gone and i had to remortgage the house to get money for january's bills.

ds (3) will be starting nursery for the first time, and i was really sad that i wouldn't be taking him, but the nursery have just been in touch and they are doing an induction week in december so i'll be able to do that with him.

i'm lucky in that dp works shifts, so he will look after dd for part of the week, and my mum will do the rest. i'm kind of going back full time, but i'm using my accrued holidays one day per week to give me a 4 day week. when they run out i'll go part time properly.

dd still feeds through the night and from experience with ds, i can imagine this will only get worse when i'm not there to feed her during the day.

on the plus side, i do love my work and am looking forward to being part of that again, just wish i could take dd with me

Good luck RR, I quite like my job as well and it would be perfect if the flexible application is accepted. Although there is still a feeling of dread, never in my life have I been so conflicted.

Are you doing anything to get your dcs ready for nursery? Am not really sure if I should be trying to get DD into the same routine as the nursery or not.

thanks mib. well, ds is only going to nursery for morning sessions, so he will still have his meals at home, etc. but yes, i am worried about how ds will settle at nursery. he has delayed language, so i think he might find it difficult to understand/be understood. that's why i was so pleased about this induction week in december. it'll give me a chance to see how he and the staff will interact.

not sure what you could do to get dd into the same routine as the nursery. have you asked them for advice about it? it's good to know that other people are really happy with the nuursery and that it is close by.

it IS really difficult though, isn't it. once you get into a routine with it, like anything else, it gets a lot easier.

REALLY have my fingers crossed for you about the flexible working. 3 days in the office sounds like a good balance. i went back full time after ds and it was do-able, but not what i'd have chosen if finance hadn't come into it. bosses should have to give VERY good reasons why they can't support flexible working hours.

a friend of mine lives in sweden and their maternity arrangements are wonderful; 18 months at 80% pay to be split between the parents in any way and can be spread over years if you return part-time. i wish we had such progressive legislation!!!

Hiya, Good idea to start a thread mustincreasebust

I'm going back at the start of January (4 days before my DS is 1 so I know how lucky I am to have had this long). Im going back part time so doing three days a week and my son will be going to nursery. He's really quiet and takes a while to settle anywhere so I'm worried about how he will manage - it is a very long day - 7.30 to 6.30 but I have no choice about that I'm also worried whether I'll be able to get back in time to pick him up as my DH is at work too and we don't have anyone else who can help. I'm a doctor and it only takes one really poorly person so make me very late home

Sorry I haven't responded sooner my broadband has been playing up.

Hi ummadam! Have you spoken to the nursery about the possibility of you being late? Do you have family you can rope in for emergencies? I can imagine it will be very stressful if you don't have someone else on standby.

RR I would love the scandanavian system for myself and DH to share ML. The guilt put on women would dissappear overnight. It makes me quite for DH as he is more of a home bird than me really and would have loved the opportunity to spend prolonged periods at home.

Hello all

What a nice thread. Yes I am going back too in January 2009 and feel I must give you my personal experience on this one.

My DD will be 8 mths (again I wanted to take a year but we only get paid 9 mths - which is great in itself - and can't afford not to be paid for 3 mths as it is my salary that pays the mortgage.

However DD is my second child. I did exactly what you are talking about with DS who is now nearly 2 years old so feel I can speak with a bit of experience.

I HATED leaving DS at nursery. He did 3 days there and 1 day with a nanny (I went back 4 days). I chose the nanny route for 1 day because it meant one day less at nursery PLUS she is Italian. My DH is Italian and want DS bilingual so she was looking after him PLUS speaking Italian for a day to him.

I never felt comfortable with nursery. Now this is a personal thing because my sister swears by it. I felt guilty every day I went in to pick him up. I felt so much better the day he was at home with the nanny. He was in his home environment, got to know the nanny, slept in his own cot, ate the food I had cooked him.

Have been on maternity leave now for 8 mths, took DS out of nursery as soon as I could, was able to keep the nanny for 2 days a week to help out so he knows her even better now. Am feeling SO MUCH MORE RELAXED going back to work in January because I am keeping this nanny for 4 days a week. I know nannies are expensive, I know I am lucky. But to be honest it is cheaper for me to have my nanny looking after 2 of them than to pay double nursery fees (I am in Wimbledon and nursery fees are £65 a day each......!!!!). The other positive is that my DS was ill for 3 months when I put him into nursery and I am looking forward to not having such an extended period of sickness with DD.

PS What I am saying is, look into all options. Don't just do what I did and default down the nursery route. If you can afford a nanny then look into it. I have heard negatives like

"I don't want them to get to close to another person." I personally think this is a positive thing. Mummy and daddy are always no. 1

"What is the nanny is ill" - this has not happened to me yet, and my nanny is ill much less frequently than DS was. He couldn't go into nursery when he was ill.

The other thing to consider is that you don't need to be rushing here and there picking up at certain times etc. Plus we ask our nanny to babysit occasionally. I feel really happy with this as they know her and vice versa.

Just another side although I am aware this is a really personal thing.

Hi expo, welcome and your points are defo interesting coming from someone who has done it before. I am really glad you have a lovely nanny there is nothing like having peace of mind when you go to work.

I looked at many different options before choosing childcare and was at first leaning towards a nanny share or CM. The nursery I have picked is literally next door to my work so I will be able to spend lunch times, etc with DD and will also be able to keep feeding her until she is a year. I never thought I would go for a nursery but I just didn't gel with the CMs around my work and most of them didn't really want me to disrupt their routine by popping in to feed DD during the day (understandbly so). From my personal experience the standard of nurseries vary so widely, its definitely worth shopping around and viewing all options.

Who knows how DD will take to all this though, she has always been a clingy baby so leaving her with anyone is worrying.

Hello mustincreasebust - it is one of the most horrible and conflicting times of a woman's life and I felt that people didn't understand just how awful I was feeling. I am glad you have found a nice nursery and that it works with your feeding - that is brilliant. Good luck with going back. x

Unfortunately not MIB. The nursery were understandably not very understanding IYKWIM. It is not really their problem if things go belly up at my end and they all want to go home too. I don't have local family or close enough friends to call on except for a really dire emergency (fire/flood or hospital admission really) as it is a huge favour to ask. I'm hoping it will work out and wish I could work shorter hours.. but that is not when people want to see their doctors.

Thanks for your insights expo. I think I'm going to hate leaving DS too and I'm glad you found a good nanny and a situation that works for you. I think if we had more than one we would have to take the nanny route too - purely down to the expense of nursery fees. I had kind of hoped that by then we might have a bit more space at home (would feel very guilty asking someone else to look after DS in our cramped little flat) but the housing crash may change that!

MIB - your nursery sounds fab! mine is about half way between work and home so about 50/50 on the pros and cons!