Just returned to work, hate my career, seriously want a change- HELP!

[ilikeyoursleeves]

I started back work this week after being off for just over a year. I was dreading coming back, not just because I wouldn't see DS every day but because I have no desire to do my job anymore, my drive has gone, I have no interest in my area of work and there are some members of the team that I really don't like. I am in a professional position in the NHS and at the point in my career where I need to take on more responsibilities and know what I'm actually talking about! I know I've just returned but if feel SOOOOO deskilled and lacking in confidence. I got through the year leading up to leaving by TTC and being PG and now I'm back I feel totally crap. Yes I may still be adjusting to being back at work but I do really think that it's just THIS work I don't want to do and I'm thinking life is way too short to be stuck in a profession that I hate. It pays reasonably well though and I can therefore afford to just work 3 days now and I know that with other jobs I wouldn't necessarily be able to do that. DH keeps saying I should think myself lucky due to all the redundancies etc in the news, but I can't bear the thought of being here for ages. There is a particular woman I work with who is a total cow so maybe it's her who's also making me feel crap (I say black, she always says white type of person, etc), she makes it obvious that she doesn't think I'm any good in comparison with my boss. I just wish I could do a totally different job.

Has anyone been in this position? Changed careers after baby? If so I'd love to hear from you.

anyone out there?

Can't really give advice on changing direction, but didnt want to leave you unanswered.

Two things strike me - you are in your first week back, so everything is new and you are bound to be feeling your way.

Secondly - you have been off for a whole year, the maximum maternity leave, so going back must be very hard, and these days in the workplace, things tend to move fast so I bet there have been lots of changes, maybe structural, but certainly in systems and personnel, over the year?

Give yourself a chance. I agree with your DH that your priority at the moment should be working your 3 days in your current job, getting back into the swing of it and realising that in the current climate you're fortunate to have a job which pays well. Maybe reconsider in 6 months time, by which time you will either have settled back into this job or will know for certain that you need to look around.

Good luck

Hi Sleeves

Are you me? I could have written your post!

Also work for the NHS. It's a junior management (non-clinical) post which I have no business being in - by virtue of qualifications, experience, or interest.

I knew immediately that this role wasn't right for me, but put off the inevitable by getting pregnant with DD1, off for a year, then conceiving DD2 as quickly as I possibly could. The 9 months I went back (part-time) were awful, mind-numbingly dull and utterly depressing!

Am currently 9 months into my maternity leave, and doing everything in my power to find an alternative career. Everything you have described in your post resonates with me (good salary, security..) I've also had a few sessions with a life coach (excellent, but bloody expensive). My options have narrowed down a little but I'm still not convinced I know what I want to do instead.

Would you prefer to be a SAHM? What do you enjoy doing? Are there any elements of your job you enjoy?

Here's a useful exercise I found in a book recently - it might help you:

1. List everything you love about your current job
2. List everything you hate about your current job.
3. You are in your current job because:
4. The skills/experience/talents you use in your current job are:
5. The skills/experience/talents you don't use in your current job are:

There's a few ideas to get you thinking. Do post again - I'd be interested to hear how you get on!

Oops,

I just realised I have some replies! Thanks for the advice folks.

Eviz, yes I would love to be a SAHM but we couldn't really get by on just DH's income (well could scrape by but that's about it). I have felt better this week at work but it's because the cow Dr wasn't in so I think that might be a large part of me not liking my job or rather where I work. Also my boss is soooooooooooooooooooooooo efficient, conscientious, knows everything about everything and has a great understanding of all NHS mangement strategic stuff that I am menat to now know about (but which bores me to tears) and she is about to go on M/L in a month and I am meant to act up for her (!). I think that is really terrifying me as I feel I am nowhere near her level and everyone is going to think I'm shit. I just keep thinking there has to be more to live than sitting in management meetings but I think I'm being a bit lazy too and just don't want to learn it all as I'm not interested. I've no real desire to climb the ladder but there's an expectation that I will. I just wish I could play with my DS every day! But I need to remember this is the real world and I need to get with it!

Eviz, have you come up with any alternative careers? It's nice to hear that I'm not the only one who feels like this although it's sad too!

Sleeves you are definitely not on your own and I am in a similar position to you eviz and am dreading going back. It is very hard to be motivated in a job you don't enjoy so I totally sympathise with your feelings of apathy about learning new skills. I wish I knew what to do with my life too but feel stuck in a rut and can't think of what else I'd be any good at. Sorry to whinge, that's not very helpful to you is it?

After DS, went back PT 3 days a week but after DD (4 yr gap) I went back 4 days a week then up to FT when she turned 2 earlier this year. This coincided with being promoted to a more senior management role. Went back after 3 and 6 months ML respectively so imagine it would be much harder going back after 12 months, so you need to give yourself a bit of a break!
Agree with others that it is very tough when you first go back but I'm lucky in that I love what I do. Also, as I earn considerably more than DH, don't have much choice in the matter really.
I would give it 6 months and if you still really hate your job, take stock and re-consider then. A friend of mine consulted a Careers/Skills Advisor when she got fed up with teaching.
Everyone's different - some friends of mine who were really into their careers before PG are now SAHM, some went back part-time and others, like me, work full-time. Whatever works for you and your family. I just consider myself lucky to have a degree and a professional job which gives me the choices I have. [smug emoticon]
I was really tempted to become a SAHM after having DS, although we would have really struggled on just DHs income, but now he's at school and DD goes to nursery PT, I'm glad I worked PT to keep my job. Other threads on mumsnet have observed that when you are both working, parenting inevitably becomes a more evenly shared job and my DH more than does his share with our 2.
One of the biggest things I missed about going to work when off on ML was not the actual work aspect, but the social side and adult conversation. After the 6 months off with DD, I considered that I was more than ready to return and could never by a full time SAHM. Have you decided that it's a change of career you would prefer than becoming a SAHM? Decisions, decisions...

Sorry about the ramble.. hope this helps