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Original poster

Back at work for 2 months, finding it hard...

19 replies

ApuskiDusky · 03/11/2008 11:06

I've gone back to a pretty demanding job, in a big company headquarters, 4 days a week. DH has also dropped to 4 days a week, so DS goes to a (fab) childminder 3 days a week. I have a supportive boss who understands the world of having to look after sick children etc. So far so good.

But I am still finding this hard - struggling to contain my work to 4 days, struggling to be these two different people at work and home, and getting much more anxious and stressed than I used to be about messing up. I realise how much I put into work pre-ds, and it's not who I want to be any more - ambition has taken a big dent.

Anyone experienced this and come through the other side? Not working is financially not an option, and somewhere in this mess there is a job that I enjoy...

OP posts:

Original poster

ApuskiDusky · 03/11/2008 18:01

Should've put this on in the evening....

OP posts:

strawberrycornetto · 03/11/2008 19:11

can't write much now as typing on blackberry on train. Am in the same position, 5 weeks back after no. 2. making a list of practical issues I can address on the train, to find a better way. hope someone has something positive to say. I am HATING this at the moment, work takes over everything. Also feel the anxiety thing. please someone tell us there is a way to cope with this stress. am also 4 days a week now. does this make it worse?

flowerybeanbag · 03/11/2008 19:14

Apuski when you reduced your hours to 4 days a week did you reduce your workload accordingly, or are you trying to squeeze a full time job into 4 days?

Original poster

ApuskiDusky · 03/11/2008 20:23

It's hard to define - I am on reduced hours, so a drop in pay, but the job is what it was, the same responsibilities. I guess in theory I'm meant to prioritise more and not get involved in some things that are less important.

OP posts:

flowerybeanbag · 03/11/2008 20:27

I think you need to thrash that out then really. If the theory is you're meant to not get involved in some things, might it help to define those things specifically, remove them from your job description if they are on there, or clarify who would be involved instead, and make sure everyone who needs to know is aware that you are not involved?

I think this happens a lot with people who reduce to 4 days. If you go down to 3 days or less, it's very clear that a significant chunk of the job needs to be removed or similar significant changes made to allow for that drop in hours.

When people reduce to 4 days, it's tempting for both the individual and the employer to try and 'manage' for the 5th day rather than making any proper defined or significant changes.

OrangeKnickers · 03/11/2008 20:41

This sounds v tough. My mantra when work starts getting busy is 'It's not bloody heart surgery, no one is going to die'.

I did a hypnobirthing course when preggers and think this really helps me not get stressed, I take deep breathes and just try to step back from whatever 'crisis' is going on. Maybe getting a relaxtion cd to listen on the way to work might help?

Also being hyper organised, sorting out wardrobe for you and ds, plus a weekly menu plan etc helped us feel on top of it. And don't do too much at weekends! Have one day spent at home/local park. And don't go away two weekends running. That's hellish.

Original poster

ApuskiDusky · 03/11/2008 20:44

Thanks flowery, that makes sense. I do need to define what is less important and make sure the responsibility lies elsewhere. Funny how the things that are less critical are the more interesting things - the one-off projects, rather than the day job stuff.

I also need to adjust to not going 'beyond' the job - I've always done this, it's how to get on, and even though I'm not looking for promotion, it's a hard habit to break and it feels like it's expected now.

OP posts:

strawberrycornetto · 03/11/2008 21:08

I think its right that you need to redefine the role and make sure you aren't doing 5 days work in 4. I was also always going beyond the job and I think it must take a while to shift that perception, even in your own mind.

Keep posting and we can see how we are both getting on. From what I have read, I do think that for the vast majority of people, they find a way to make it work.

Original poster

ApuskiDusky · 03/11/2008 21:13

Will do strawberry, you too. There's no one in RL really that I can talk to about it - none of my baby friends have gone back to work, and it's hard to discuss it at work.

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strawberrycornetto · 03/11/2008 21:25

It is tough to talk about isn't it. I feel like I am failing everywhere, not doing enough at work or at home . Still, I was ok working for 2 1/2 years after I had DD so it must get better. What days do you work? I don't work on Wednesdays normally. This week I've been asked to work Wednesday morning so I am doing a half day and then taking off all of Friday. I am snowed under with work but just desperate to spend time with my minis!

Original poster

ApuskiDusky · 04/11/2008 13:34

I have Mondays off, beacuse DH could only have Fridays off. But it means I feel like I'm catching up all week.

And now I've got to go away for work for 2 nights, my first nights away since DS was born. at least I can get some sleep!

OP posts:

OrangeKnickers · 07/11/2008 13:35

it is hard to feel like you aren't doing either thing well. The 'going beyond' thing rings a bell. I 'comfort' myself by thinking that my career is dead and it's all about the paycheck. I stayed in a well paid but boring job as it would be easier to have kids. If I'd been a bloke I would have moved onwards and upwards.

That pisses me off sometimes but the plus is that at least I keep my work / life balance in strict check. Plus I want to have more kids so no point flogging myself now.

Sympathies, hopefully with practise it will get easier.

blithedance · 07/11/2008 23:07

I'm in the same position, started back early September on 3.5 days/week. I'm in the process of getting a laptop issued so that I can work from home sometimes when DH is away (rather than taking holidays just to manage school runs)

The week flies by and I feel as if I'm barely in the office, (very conscious of how often my colleagues are seeing an empty chair) and there's no time at all to catch up, do "extra" things like mentoring or presentations.

I keep starting lists called "Making life easier" and things like that. At the moment home life is more chaotic than work as DH and I are trying to "job-share" the childcare and domestics.

beetlesbugsandbutterflies · 07/11/2008 23:27

sympathy everyone. i work 4 days a week in demanding job. gave up trying to squeeze it into 3 so def would not recommend that. i have been doing this for a while, so would recommend that you say 'no' to extra stuff even though you may never have done that before, manage your working day so that you get a decent break and leave office if possible, accept that you can't be wonderwoman and that there is no such thing as the 'perfect' solution!

Original poster

ApuskiDusky · 11/11/2008 17:19

Well, tomorrow I finally have a bit of time in my work diary, so am having a 'delegation day' - going through everything I have coming up and working out if I really need to be doing it or whether I can pass on to someone else. I'll need to try hard to avoid feeling guilty that other people are doing my job whilst I have my day off!!

OP posts:

OrangeKnickers · 11/11/2008 19:56

what goes around comes around, surely you'll cover for them at some point?

mooki · 11/11/2008 21:06

Oh I know what you mean exactly. I've been back for 2 months too, feels much longer.

Before I went away I had 1 project area and a 5 day week. Now I have 3 projects areas and a 4 day week!

On very bad days I think maybe they are trying to make me crack. But my manager does a 4 day week too, so they aren't against it in principle.

On good days, I try and think like OrangeKnickers - I work in marketing, no-one is going to die if stuff is a little late.

I've also been off for 2 weeks on jury service and have loads of annual leave left to take so it's particularly bad atm if it's still crap in the new year I'm going to have to just say I've got too much to do and hope they don't sack me.

mooki · 11/11/2008 21:07

sorry, that wasn't very helpful was it...

preggersplayspop · 11/11/2008 21:21

I have been back now for nearly 6 months and work 4 shorter days a week. I agree its important to make sure you are not trying to do your old job in less available time. The hardest thing is that previously if you needed to meet a deadline you could stay late or work at the weekend, but now that option just isn't available so you do have to get used to the fact you probably won't be able to turn things around as quickly as you could before.

Can you get the company to support you in being able to work as flexibly as possible - blackberry and remote access means you can catch up on sifting through all the emails and keep on top of admin better.

I also find you are forced to delegate more - I was (and probably still can be) a bit of a control freak at times, but now I have to trust people more and its probably better for their development (and mine). Letting go can be hard to do though at first!

I also find that it helps to block time in the diary when no meetings can go in so you can use this time for catching up on admin or just thinking and planning time. It can get very stressful when you feel you can't even cope with the waves of emails that are sitting in your inbox.

It does get better, but its a different way of working for sure and it takes a while to get used to as you're establishing a new way of doing things.

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