Annoying work colleague-please advise?!

[luminarphrases]

i recently moved teams at work and am now sitting next to said colleague. One problem i have with her is that she is the union organiser (or whatever the word is) and therefore knows i am not in the union (and do not intend to be, for various reasons including that i happen not to agree with some of their policies). She is now berating me at every turn for being selfish, taking opportunities for myself (i.e. pay rises) without giving back anything etc. It probably sounds minor but coupled with the other things she does (including constantly stating that others are picking up the slack as i am part-time) its really upsetting me and feeling like i hate work when actually i love it.

Any advice about avoiding tension etc would be very welcomed!

What do you say when she says that stuff? Particularly about others picking up the slack?. Do you sit and take it or tell her to sod off? I think I would be doing the latter to be honest.

With regard to the union stuff, i tend to just take it because i don't want to get into all the stuff i don't agree with and that even though i know union subs aren't that much, it still means a couple of quid off our weekly budget which is fairly tight as it is.

with regard to the part-time stuff, i do point out to her (and her witchy, smirking mate) that actually, my being part-time has absolutely no impact on her work except for occasionally (i.e. maybe once a week, if not less) that she has to take a message for me on the phone.

i have started to note down everything when i get home on dh's advice but am concerned about hr's impartiality on the issue. she is very much an established member of staff, having been there 6 years. i've been there about 9 months and it is my first job since university (the interim was spent as sahm)

Poor you, sounds horrible. I would probably be very blunt and ask her if she's deliberately trying to piss me off, but thats not usually the best thing to do! Definitely keep writing all the stuff down, the next step would be to speak to your manager about it I suppose. Horrible posistion to be in though so you have my sympathies

Never mind tht she's pissing you off - try bullying you!!!

Speak to your manager, it doesn' matter how long she's been there, she should know better.

As a union activist myself I think having a go at you about being part time is a bit unfair - if she wasn't the union rep she sounds like the sort of colleague others might be complaning to a union rep about - bullying and objecting to part time workers seem to me well out of order for a rep.

thanks all, it is starting to become very stressful at work (which is a shame seeing as i was so looking forward to adult company and all that).

my line manager, who is a very nice guy, is aware of certain problems but we tend to talk about it in very couched (is that the word?) terms such as never actually mentioning her by name. he also has trouble with her as she repeatedly brings up that he is half her age and therefore should not be managing her.

i agree with elkiedee that it is odd for a union rep to behave in this way- it often seems that she is out for herself in a lot of ways and does not care about newer staff with different needs than herself. she seems fairly obsessed with the idea that people with small children get better benefits than herself with regard to flexi working etc (even though everyone in the company can request flexi hours).

i am considering requesting compressed hours which have recently been introduced which would mean working 7-7 on two days a week instead of my current four mornings, but that would probably mean more moaning.

What do you say back when she does accuse you of being selfish or that others are picking up the slack because you are p/t?

i usually point out that there is no impact on her work or the general performance of the team and that i took the job on the basis that it was part time with flexible hours and plenty of others are doing the same (out of six teams in the dept, 4 have at least one p-t's).

when she is being particularly bolshy i point out that as the manager is happy with my work and that she could go p-t if she wished to do so

This is amazing. Its the unions and various other parties who support part-time working. I work part-time and I am very hard working. As I'm part-time I really don't have time to chat so if I've got lots of paper work I put headphones on to cut out the noise. If I have speak to people on the phone I tell the chatter boxes to take the conversation somewhere else. I belong to two sort of unions at work, I'm sorry but I think they are worth it (each to their own) We hot desk so I can sometime take my work to another room or building and get it done there. Ask if you can move desks. As for working out your own pay rise, that's what men have been doing in the city for year and the women have been left behind.

You sound very reasonable and she unreasonable.

Have you lost your patience with her yet? Normally I err on the side of diplomacy but she needs firmly putting in her place - bullies often do. How are you at public showdowns? It's always good to plan what you are going to say in a moment of quiet and then let her have it with both barrels.

Starbear I don't think luminar is negotiating her own pay rise, it sounds as though this union is recognised and pay rises for the workforce as a whole are negotiated with and by them, so the issue seems to be resentment that luminar is benefiting from a pay rise negotiated by the union without paying subs.

Luminar your right to either join or equally not to join a union is legally protected, so please don't feel any pressure to join if you don't want to for any reason.

This woman sounds unpleasant and a bit of a bully. I'd be inclined to have a firm word with her myself if I were you, have it out with her in a polite but assertive manner, making it clear that this behaviour is not acceptable, and should it continue, you will be forced to consider a formal complaint, which you could do to your employer and also could consider doing to the union as well, as part of this problem is about harassing you for non-membership.

its bullying.

take a log - and tell her you are. remind her that as the union rep she will look like a proper cunt if she is ousted for bullying - then give her a wink and a smile and walk away

I agree with those who say meet her as an equal.

My only concern that I pick up from your post is that you are feeling intimidated and the problem with that is that it can make you act intimidated which causes her (as a bully) to do more (and try to impress her mate).

I would give myself a talking to. She clearly intimidates others, including her boss, and probably her friends. All round not a nice person to know who clearly is unhappy with her lot.

When she next does it I would look her striaght in the eye and say 'I can only assume that with your constant badgering on the subject of my hours that you are unhappy with yours. I am happy to talk to you about how you could do your role part time or support' If this does not work and she does it again repeat the above and add 'but I have had enough of the barbed comments' and next time add 'if you make comments again then I will lodge a complaint, your behaviour, especially considering your position, cannot be considered anything short of bullying'.

On you concern w r t HR in my experience if this person is as you say then HR are probably dying for someone to come forward with cahunas (balls) and lodge a complaint.

I would pick one of the HR people you trust most ask to meet them and in your balanced way say 'I am dealing with this but as it continues I am going to have to step up the assertiveness becuase she continues to make the comments, so I need you to be aware of what is really going on' you may also ask them to coach you and/or role play so that you know (and so do they) what you are going to say. Clearly pick your own words but have them sorted so you know exactly what you are going to say

This just means that you protect yourself from her if she goes stellar.

The next time she makes a snide comment about your part time hours, look her in the eye and politely ask her to explain exactly what slack is it that "others" are picking up. Keep looking at her until she replies. If she comes up with anything other than having to take a telephone message for you once a week, tell her that you both need to see your manager immediately to resolve this issue, as it is obviously bothering her. If she doesn't want to go, tell her you don't want her to mention it ever again.

Flowerybeanbag What did she mean when she said 'taking opportunities for myself (i.e. pay rises) without giving back anything etc.' of herself? I agree with mablemurple, she could ask what slack that others are picking up. Agree with going to manager and HR and putting something on paper. But check her contacts, you don't want to speak to her best friend from HR and then things can go stellar. We've had two people moved from our dept because their terrible behaviour. One of them, I said my piece and never had any dealings with them again accept Hi and bye.

Starbear, as I said, I took it to mean she meant luminar was happy to take the opportunity of a pay rise without paying the subs of a union that negotiated that pay rise. If the union is recognised and therefore negotiates pay the negotiations are likely to be relating to the pay scales used or the rates of pay applied to groups of staff. So luminar will obviously benefit from that despite not being a member of the union.

She sounds like the type of person you'd go to your union rep about. Power crazed loon I think.

Keep a note of what she says and go to your HR about it. Meantime look for a new job - life is too short to put up with that type of office bullying.

thanks all for the responses- she is off on hols this week so a bit of breathing room is much appreciated!

with regard to the union payrises thing- don't get me wrong, i do appreciate that they have an important role in negotiations. about 40% of the workforce is unionised.

you are right about the intimdated thing, and because i missed out on the immediate job from graduation thing i think i let it get to me, and i do still have certain ishoos about being pregnant whilst graduating and then being a sahm.

however, i have RESOLVED to speak up next time she is on at me- and hr are having a drop-in next week, so have made an appointment to go and have a chat to them. i am trying to grow some balls!

Go get your cahumas girl!

Well done and keep up informed

My reply when my part-time work is mentioned "Yes and my hours are reflected in my wage packet".

RuthT do you mean Cajones? Or have a missed a really, good, rude, new slang word.

here here KatieScarlett!!

I do but spelling was never my forte

This is bullying - however it is hidden! I had a hideous situation earlier in the year wherby I was seriously intimidated by a member of my staff and didn't like to mention it - I ended up being out of a job I loved which wasn't nice, albeit with a nice pay off as the company didn't act properly. Anyway, does your company offer training? Suggest to your manager that a 'dignity at work' course could be arranged maybe - you do not have to be treated like this.

I'm a bit hot on this sort of stuff now!!