Any mums working full time out there?

Original poster

dottiepeas · 30/10/2008 21:01

Hello!

New to this forum! But just wanted to have a chat about going back to work full-time. I'm going back to work soon full time in the few weeks...and although I do feel really guilty doing this, after lots of evening discussions!... we think it will be good for our little family in the long run.

Little one enjoys nursery as she goes there part time at the moment....but just wondering if there are any full time working mums out there!...and how they get on with juggling a full time job and a family?
Does the guilt ever go away!?? :-).....

OP posts:

foxinsocks · 30/10/2008 21:02

yes, lots of us I think!

squeakypop · 30/10/2008 21:02

I work full-time without guilt. I did my bit as a SAHM, which I loved, but when it was time to go back, no regrets.

It is easier if you can get some help in the house.

OrmIrian · 30/10/2008 21:03

Me!

Yes the guilt goes away as long as you make good arrangments for childcare. And your DC are happy with it.

It can be a desperate juggle. But it's possible.

cuttingmeownthroatdibblaaaargh · 30/10/2008 21:06

Yep full time wohm here with a ds at nursery. No guilt though as Ds is blissfully happy and so are we

Top tips - make sure that all house and child jobs are equally shared esp if you've been on mat leave for some time and got used to doing all the housework. Organise online grocery shopping, and if you have internet access at work, do the order during your lunchbreak. Do as much christmas shopping on the internet as you possibly can. Relax - you'll all survive if the house isn't that tidy. Prioritise time as a family

Kathyis6incheshigh · 30/10/2008 21:12

There are a lot of us out there but I'm always surprised by how few couples I know in RL with young children and both working FT - an awful lot of people seem to do the part-time thing after dcs.

As Squeakypop says - get some help in the house, whatever you can afford. We always had a cleaner for a few hours a week but have just got an au pair and it's made all the difference. Things feel less frantic.

Don't have guilt, particularly. Stress sometimes, when I feel like I'm being pulled in two directions at once, but by and large we do ok. You just have to suck it and see. Good luck.

jasmeeen · 30/10/2008 21:15

I have 2 DS (aged almost 6 and almost 2). I have worked full time since DS1 was 7 months hold although I took a six month break when DS2 was born.

I have tried the various childcare options and although am still working full time (as is DH) have to confess, that at least for me, the guilt does not go away.

It will be a juggle and despite what people would have you believe about splitting everything 50-50 with DH that ineveitably it is the woman in the relationship that ends up taking the strain.

On the other hand, DS1 benefitted hugely from nusery, tho I wish it didn't have to be full time. Went down the nanny route with DS2 (also to help with school pick ups for DS1) and that has a different set of problems/benefits to nursery.

It's difficult, but you have to do what is right for you. My opinion over the years has varied from wanting to be a SAHM vs being a part time worker vs being a full time worker. I've never found the right solution after all this time!

So I guess, in summary, trust your instincts, but don't expect the guilt/thinking of the alternatives to go away.

nell12 · 30/10/2008 21:16

I work full time; ds is at school, dd is at nursery; it works for us as I am a teacher so have the school holidays at home with the dcs.

I dont have a cleaner at the mo but am getting one again soon as my time with dcs is too precious to be spent doing the housework.

I am an early to bed, early to rise type; late nights do not mix well with full time work!

I have found that being extra organised helps; get the shopping delivered, lunches done the night before, dishwasher emptied at night, washing on over-night to be put out to dry in the morning etc. It also helps to get the dcs in a routine; dd is just 4, but has been making her own bed since she was 2.5 and has been dressing herself (apart from buttons and tights) for ages as well.

Kathyis6incheshigh · 30/10/2008 21:22

It's true, you have to be organised. If you're not yet you will be. Your work should be bloody glad because your efficiency will double to make up for the time you will have off when dc is sick.

Katisha · 30/10/2008 21:30

I have honestly never felt guilty about working full-time. I am convinced of its value for the family and for myself. Frankly I would never cut it as a SAHM. I don't have a cleaner or an au pair or a nanny. I do have a very good childminder though. And I am uber-organised.

pointygravedogger · 30/10/2008 21:33

You will feel guilty, especially if your dc are very young. Try not to get dragged down by guilt. It's not necessary and it's not good for you.

You will soon develop highly-organised routines even if you are a chaotic person.

You need very reliable childcare. Nursery, childminder fine. Ideally, you would have a relative nearby who could step in in emergencies.

If you're a true blue mnetter, you'll need help in the home. If not, it is perfectly managable without, as long as your house is not too big and you don't have silly expectations about housework.

pointygravedogger · 30/10/2008 21:33

ah katisha - she strong and sensible

Katisha · 30/10/2008 21:34

hehehe

TheOldestCat · 30/10/2008 21:43

Another full-timer here. I am too tired to feel guilty.

Dottiepeas, if your DD enjoys nursery then that's most of the battle. Great childcare is the priority I think. DD has been at nursery since she was six months and is very happy.

As others have said, being organised is the key thing. Flexible working has been my saviour (I work two days in the office, three at home) as I can stick loads of washing on, do the washing up etc in my break. And I can take time off during the day and work once DD's in bed, which is why I'm on the computer this late...not that I'm being distracted by mumsnet, no not at all.

Good luck with the return to work.

jasmeeen · 30/10/2008 23:03

as others have pointed out...tiredness will be a familiar friend!

jura · 30/10/2008 23:11

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

clemette · 30/10/2008 23:32

I work full-time and am a better mum for doing so - I don't have the patience needed to stay at home.
I don't feel guilty as both my children love nursery. And I second the idea of getting help with the housework - I am amazed by how much our cleaner can do in two hours and I also pay someone to iron DH's shirts.

Saying all this - I can feel guilt coming as DD is getting ready to start school - I feel less comfortable with the school/childminder before and after setup than I do with full-time nursery - but I am sure we will all adapt...

Good luck - don't let other people make you feel guilty. You run your family your way - but make sure you carve out a bit of time for yourself, esle you might start getting a bit resentful.

Original poster

dottiepeas · 31/10/2008 11:39

Thanks for all the replies! It's so reassuring to know there are full time working mums out there!...(as most mums tend to work p/time I think!?) and it's really useful to hear how you all manage to do it!

Since being a mum, I found that it really is a juggling act!...and quite often i fail to keep all the balls going round!! Heehee! I find that I'm the mum, the wife, the cleaner, the cook and on top of that, soon to be working full-time.....AND not forgetting about your friends too....making the effort to keep intouch and make time to meet up! With so many roles, it is impossible to keep it all up!!

The guilt probably won't fully go away...I worked out that apart from dropping her off and picking dd up from nursery, I would probably only get 2 hours with her in the evening, before she goes to bed at 8pm! That is what upsets me most!..to think that nursery staff sees her more than we do!...(but she does enjoy it at nursery, so that's not so bad)

I will see how it goes when I do go back full time! Like they say, something's gotta give! Thanks so much for sharing your views ladies!....

OP posts:

Claire236 · 01/11/2008 09:03

I work full-time & frequently wish there were more hours in a day. I don't feel guilty though. ds is happy so there's no need for me to feel guilty. I've come across people who seem to think they're superior beings because they don't go to work but I think that says a lot more about them than me. I'm a firm believer that happy parents produce happy children.

NatLex · 08/12/2008 07:25

Going back to work full-time on Thursday. Excited, yet, worried, scared, stressed. I think the main thing I am worried about is my son getting ill in nursery and me taking time off. This morning he woke up with some signs on conjunctivitis :O(
How has everyone else managed to work around illness, taking time off. My husband works full-time too, so difficult to take time off and we do not have anyone else to help out. Hoping I won't end up on a sick leave before I even start the job :O( my sick leave won't be paid for 6 months either. Do you normally take your sick leave to look after a child?
Thanks for any advice on how to deal with illness and work absence

BouncingTinsel · 08/12/2008 07:48

I've been working full time since I returned from ML in September, my ds had conjunctivitis - we ended up using some of our holidays to stay at home with him. If you have family & friends willing to help out then all the better - unfortunately I don't have that option.
I'm actually going to switch to part time though because I have a long commute and a stressful job and I want to spend more time with ds. However, the months that I've been working part time haven't done him any harm, he loves nursery, it's me that is struggling to cope.
Can't afford any time saving things such as a cleaner if you can then that will be a lifeline.
You definitely have to be uber-organised, you and you DH need to make sure you share chores equally - this is really important.
Make your lunches the night before, put a load in the washing machine the night before so you can hang it up in the morning, get your dd's clothes out and ready as well.
Online shopping is a life saver - the last thing you'll want to do when you or your DH pick your dd up from nursery/cm is go shopping! I tend to have an online delivery mid week then at the weekend just pick up a few bits of fresh stuff that won't last the week - milk, fruit, bread etc.
And don't listen to anyone who looks disapprovingly at you for working full time - they should try walking a mile in your shoes! My mum & dad worked full time from when I was a baby until I was nearly 5, I turned out alright
Best of luck on your return to work

llareggub · 08/12/2008 07:48

I used to work full-time but have dropped to part-time now. It is essential that your DH takes his share of emergency time-off. Don't get into the habit of being the one who takes care of the childcare. I don't know anyone who takes sick leave unless they are sick. Childcare issues are picked up through annual leave and flexibility around homeworking.

BouncingTinsel · 08/12/2008 07:49

the months that I've been working part full time haven't done him any harm

Oops!!

NatLex · 08/12/2008 13:30

Thank you ladies. Just to say that today my son was meant to start full-time in nursery and I am going back to work on Thursday. He woke up this morning with a conjunctivitis. Could not believe it. Staying in with him for today and tomorrow, although nursery said, they would take him after 24 hours with drops. Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh haven't even started yet, and look at what's happening already. Illness and time off is MY MAJOR worry.

NatLex · 02/01/2009 13:43

Hello
Just wanted to write a message to all the mums out there, who is thinking of going back to work full-time.

I started a few weeks back and it is GREAT!!! If you are someone, who didn't particularly enjoy staying at home doing only 'baby stuff' or someone, who had apost-natal depression (I did) then I do recommend going back to work. difference in finances is instant and noticable after months of being totally broke. It is a lovely feeling. You can then spend real quality time with your child rather than watching the clock (like I did on many occasions) and can buy things for them and take them places.
The only problem that I see and have already experienced on the first week of starting the job is kids getting sick. Taking time off and arranging pick-ups, etc. could be a problem. Fortunately I have a great husband on flexi hours, who can drop everything and pick my son up and between us we plan to take time off should we need to stay at home when son is ill. I think the whole getting ill situation will get better as they get older. I hope. you would need to think about making some emergency arrangements for when they are ill, so you are not worried more when it happens. Understanding boss would also help.
Good luck to you all and do not feel bad or guilty - go for it. It will give your family a better quality of life, more money and MOSt importantly it will make you a happy mummy, which means the whole family will benefit especially your child.
All the best