I had a job interview, dont know if i have the job even but im worried about childcare, what do i do????

[exasperatedmummy]

The story is DD is 3, only ever been with me or DP, v occasionally with her nan.

We are BROKE, its been a long story on here - i finally got around to looking for work, got an interview, it went well, so........i may be offered the job.

I'm chickening out because of childcare. DD has jsut started in a lovely nursery, mornings only. Tahts all they offer. It is a LOVELY nursery and she seems really happy there. The local day nurseries around here, imo are not very good. So, the only option is a childminder. This leaves a bad taste in my mouth, because the CM would have to pick DD up from playschool - she really looks out for ME to pick her up and her little face lights up. I don't know any childminders so would be essentially leaving DD with a stranger and tbh, it makes me feel sick when i think about it.

But i have soldiered on because we are struggling and it could help us out. Its not just that, its a good job, not with prospects but good experience. I want to teach and this is a college position.

DP finally admitted to me last night that he is really uncomfortable with leaving DD with a CM - this is nothing against CMs, i think they do a great job, its more to do with our timing, the fact that DD just started nursery etc. It does have something to do with the fact that we would be going on first impressions too.

I don't know what to do - part of me really wants this job, the other part of me wants to hold out for another year until DD starts school.

When i worked the money out, we wouldnt be much better off, most money go to childcare - we would lose tax credits to the tune of £100 a week. So would probably clear no more than £30 a week. I could earn this cleaning cash in hand.

Please can i have some reasoned judgements and experiences here, i don't want a SAHMvWOHM debate, i just want to know what to do for the best

I can understand your worries, but I'm a childminder and pick up chidren from nursery that run into my arms. they know I'm coming so don't look for mum. Yes a childminder is a stranger at first, but very quickly become almost family to minded children, like a friend of the family so to speak. Could you ask around for recommendations at nursery or toddler groups, that might put your mind at ease about finding a good one, if you decide to take the job.

trouble is, all the good ones are taken - i know there is a CM that picks up at my DDs nursery - but i know this woman personally, and i would rather leave my DD at home with the dog than with her, was when she told me she CMd.

EM, I do sympathise. I think the problem is that you have a choice - if the money were absolutely critical, you would have to take the job, no question. If the job has prospects, I'd be tempted to bite the bullet and go for it, but if it's just a job (IYKWIM), I'd go for cleaning every morning while DD was at nursery if you feel that unhappy about it. I've never used a childminder but good ones round here are loved by their charges like a member of the family from what I've seen.

Oh that's awful, you need to feel totally happy when trusting someone to look after your child. I hate these horrible CMs that give us all a bad name. good luck, whatever you decide.

I would:

1. Not worry now - you don't know if you've got the job or not.

1. If they offer you the job, say thanks, but you'll need a day or two to think it over and look into your childcare options (or "work out the practicalities" if you don't want to mention childcare)

1. Look into options then, meet a couple of childminders, and see if you find anyone who 'clicks'.

1. Then work out if you can accept the job or not.

It may be that it's not quite the right time for you to return to work, and that next year would be better. Or it may be that you need to make some practical steps and that it will then be much less scary - "my child will be looked after by a stranger" is very emotional, whereas "my child will be looked after by XXX, who I have met, and who I am happy with" is very different. Also remember that if you do find a childminder, and do take the job, it doesn't have to be the be-all and end-all. Try it out - see if DD is happy - if she isn't, or if you aren't, then change it.

For £30 a week it hardly seems worth the anguish that this is obviously going to cause you. Looking ahead though in a years time when dd is at school - you will still quite likely need childcare for before/after school if you choose to work - I suppose the difference is that you have a year to find something appropriate. From your post it really doesn't sound like you are ready to go to work.

Bramshot, thankyou for your wonderful post, that makes a lot of sense.

Here's a curve ball - DD has an 18 year old sister, but she is quite immature, doesnt live at home. She has said she will look after DD, if she is paid (fair enough, she is looking for work), but i certainly wouldnt choose her if she were a CM.

So, 18 year old sister who clearly loves DD, or CM who obviously wont be a stranger for long.

No, im not ready to go back to work, but our finances dictate that i have to do something - this is a good job if i get it.

Bloody hell, it would be for the best if i dont get the job offer imo. But we all know how murphy's law works

Tbh I would trust a registered childminder to keep a child safe and looked after more than I would trust an immature 18 year old even if she is her sister.

i tend to agree jellie

Glad it helped EM! I am a fan of numbered bullet points

If you get offered the job, and if your gut feeling is that you should take it, the option of DD's sister would at least buy you time to find a really good childminder, without panicking into sending DD to the first person you find with a space. And then on the plus side, if things work well with DD's sister, then maybe you are sorted.

EM
I empathise with you - I am looking to going back to work, and I have felt sick about it too - But my kids are 9 and 6, and atm my dh works from home - it doesn't get easier when they get older.

I would start looking around for a childminder and see if there is someone who you feel comfy with, as was suggested above.

Is it a full time job?

Is it at a College or Uni? If so do they have a nursery? Then maybe you can see her more in the day...

Sometimes good things happen, but the timing is wrong. Like you said, you could earn more cleaning (a friend of mine earns £10/hr, and fits it in with the school day)

Good Luck

Bramshott's advice is really good.

Re: childminder or immature 18 yr old relative - childminder every time.

IME, it's often a lot harder for mums who return to work after a number of years out of the job market (compared with mums like myself who just take maternity leave). If you take maternity leave, then you know that your time at home is a fixed period, and you just get on with planning for the return to work. Whereas if you take longer out of work, then there's more of an emotional struggle about when to go back, it seems to me.

Try to remember that unless you are at home forever (which won't do your finances or probably your self esteem much good) then at some point you will need to sort childcare. Once your child is in school it can get even harder, having to find before and after care plus holidays.

Wait and see what happens with this job. Start looking around at CMs. Don't see it as something to be scared of - CMs are usually just other mums who are great with kids and will be another adult in your child's life - not a replacement, or substitute for you, but someone else who will play a role - just as the nursery workers where your dd already is play a role in her life.

Don't panic - it will all be ok.

findtheriver, i couldn't agree more - i had just come to a career crossroads when i had DD. I was just finishing my PhD and didn't actually have a job lined up. Had i been in work, i may have gone down the road of just taking maternity leave as that would have been what i was "programmed" to do. It is so much harder now because DD is used to just being with me, whereas if you have left yours from a very young age i imagine that they adapt more quickly?

I threw another curve ball at myself today, noticed in one of the paper supplements an advert for an organisation that helps women scientists back into the workplace after a career break. I know someone who is doing this also, and i am starting to think that i might be more commited to that - thats the thing, i do wonder if im creating obstacles because i'm actually unsure about the job??

I suffer from anxiety and i think that is influencing my reluctance to leave DD. I kind of feel like i have screwed up a bit here, because if i had been a bit more positive about returning to work i might have made sure something i was happy with was in place by now. My friend has a lovely CM, she is not registered but i have met her and would be quite happy for DD to go with her, the only problem being that she has my friends DD and has two young ones of her own. She has my friends DD odd hours, though, maybe we could work something out.

annie, it is part time, i still haven't heard anything which i suspect is indicative that the decision has been made for me. I am coming round to the idea of a CM, i guess i just want to wrap my little DD in cotton wool and never have her worry about where her mummy is. I just don't know - our financial situation is getting worse so it looks like i will very soon have no choice

Still don't know if i have the job or not. I am thinking that i really do want to go back to work and have some reliable childcare in place. So, if i have a childminder then how do i konw she is good - what questions do i ask and what should i look for in her house etc. Is general chaos good or everything neat and tidy?

Also, now, this is a bit pathetic i know, but i huge deal to me - can i stipulate that DD is never EVER taken in a car? I do have an anxiety disorder so i know i worry needlessly but i just couldnt relax if i thought someone was driving my DD. I can't even let DP take her out alone

EM, I think you will limit your choice of childminder severely if you stipulate that your dd can never be taken out in a car. Your child will not be the only one at the childminders and she may need to use her car for school/nursery runs for other children. Even childminders who do not have school runs or who can walk them like to take their mindees to toddler groups or on occasional outings to softplay etc which may involve a car journey. Even if you find one who agrees not to use her car now for any of her existing children (because she obviously can't take some out and not yours)she can never guarantee what she may need to do in future for new children. If you never want your child in a car, you probably need to look at a nursery.

Its always a big step to leave DC's with "strangers",but it is vital to meet with a few CM's first.I have been very lucky and my CM's have become friends.

You can stipulate certain things but if it is not practical for the CM to consider your wishes then however happy you are with everything else you would have to find another CM.For example,due to picking up children from a few schools or Playgroups it may be necessary to use the car because of the distance.

One of the problems I had was DD1 was expected to walk a few miles for a school run when she was 2.5 yrs old,and not used to walking great distances,so I prefer the use of the car.

It is necessary to trust your CM so you need to be able to let her have full responsibility for your DC.You really need to establish a "relationship" with her before you hand your precious bundle over IMO.This can be done with a couple of visits.

Your DC will probably become very attached to her CM,and this helps to let her go.Its a "treat" for my DD's (one is 2 and has been going there since she was 6 mths,and the other one is 4,and has just started school and misses her CM,so looks forward to seeing her in the holidays)

Well, i didn't get job, so a bit peed off, but they did offer me a "supply lecturer" post. Im to ring them tomorrow to find out about it so thats something. I also don't have immenent childcare worries so will give me time so sort out a childminder.

Sorry to hear that EM. Still, at least it gives you more time to look into your childcare options.