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Original poster

Giving up work *because* DS is in school, how awful is it to be a SAHM?

15 replies

cloudy · 07/03/2005 14:21

Has anyone given up work as your children got older because they needed you more more involvement in their lives, that nobody but a parent could do for them than they did before? Did you find it really hard to take a new identity as a choose-to-be-SAHM rather than a professional? I find it really hard to think of relying just on DH's income, although he says he'll fully support me if I want to stay at home or take several years to find a new career direction, I still feel like I'm sponging off him. But it would be easier to do more things (stuff I'd like to do with them) with the children if I weren't working.

OP posts:
Donbean · 07/03/2005 14:46

I have the best of both worlds and work 20 hours a week. Do you have to finish all together? Is there not the option to cut your hours?
I definitely wouldnt describe bieng a SAHM as "awful" definitely not BTW.

Amberlilli · 07/03/2005 15:00

TBH I love being a SAHM!
I've given up my much strived for career in the fashion industry to look after my two dds full-time, one is at school the other not yet at pre-school.
I've found a new circle of friends (mainly through sites like MN) and I don't miss the stress and responsibilty of work at all!
I'm very lucky I know that I have that option.
It's not for everyone I understand that, there's no right or wrong it's totally personal choice.

ks · 07/03/2005 15:02

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Potty1 · 07/03/2005 15:12

Cloudy - I'm pretty much a SAHM now (apart from 8 hours a week) My children are older 16,13 & 11 but the younger one has health problems and doesn't always do full days at school. I left my last job (I was tempted to put 'proper' there )about 5 years ago. Previously my mum helped look after them but their needs have changed as you say and its easier this way. The few hours I have are enough to keep me sane and I also do some voluntary work which I can drop off if dd is sick. If you can afford it and its what you want to do then do it.

PrettyCandles · 07/03/2005 15:22

A friend of mine went back to work as a 2ry school teacher after her children were born, and became a FTM when they went to school, just as you are considering. It's very difficult to arrange a date to meet up during the day with her as between 9am and 3pm her week is chock-full of voluntary work, and outside those hours she dedicates her time to her children. She's certainly not bored! From her and my very different experiences (I'm also a FTM but my children are still pre-school) I think the key is to have something to do while the children are at school, whether it's paid or voluntary. It has to be soemthing of value to you and to involve other adults.

Nikkichik · 07/03/2005 15:29

I was made redundant while I was pregnant and thought that I would be a SAHM. However, after 8 months I felt that I was going mad and I hated asking dh for money, so I got a p/t job (22 hours a week) and now, like Donean and ks I feel I've got the best of both worlds - dd loves nursery and I get to play with the grown ups - we are all happy! -and I get to buy frivolities now and then!

almost40 · 07/03/2005 15:58

Hi Cloudy, I have often thought about becoming a SAHM, but I think at some point DH and I realized we needed or really wanted my income, and also I think I realized that if I became a SAHM, my DH would become insufferable. As it is now, I work 3 days a week in an office, and he still pretty much expects me to do everything. He is a bit of a workaholic and travels quite a bit as well. I have a nanny and a cleaner though, and it has been fine so far. I have a 3yo and 1 yo DDS. I go back and forth each day though, especially as I see their needs changing.

nikkim · 07/03/2005 19:00

I am almost a fulltime sahm - i work six hours a week and take dd with me.

I think it is a fantatsic life, I would love the oppurtunity to stay at home when dd starts school but am not sure if finances will allow. As someone else said the key is to keep yourself busy - which isn't hard when they are pre school! and to find an activity which will allow you to feel fulfilled. For me it was voluntary work - which lead to a paid part time job and also started studying.

flamesparrow · 07/03/2005 19:07

I am a SAHM and love every minute of it - when my brain starts to feel like it is rusting up, then I learn something new (normally something I can do online like web design).

I don't have to do the "asking for money" thing though... Boy has never had much idea about handling his money, so I control it all anyway - he asks me if he needs spending money!!!

Demented · 07/03/2005 19:16

I'm a SAHM/WAHM (just a few hours a week) and can't imagine going back to work when both DSs are at School. It gives me a headache just thinking how you would juggle School and a job, all those odd days off, what to do when they are ill and just the day to day problem of needing someone to do the School run.

Original poster
cloudy · 07/03/2005 19:56

I do work part-time at the moment but even that is proving too much for me -- like when one of the children are ill, or if my childminder's child is ill or the childminder herself is ill (that's happened more often than my kids being ill). My contact ends in a few months and I can't imagine getting work that would be as flexible as what I do now, or pay as well (but I'm sick of my job, can you tell?). I am afraid that if I quit work altogether I will feel like my whole life revolves around the children, though, that doesn't seem like a good thing...

I don't know what I "want" to do, I never do!

OP posts:
jabberwocky · 07/03/2005 20:04

I work about 30 hours a week - would love to cut it down to 20 but couldn't see myself staying at home fulltime. Just not right for me at this time anyway. I know Jimjams and Ghosty have a business that is great for them to run from home. Don't know the particulars but there is a thread on it.

thedogmother · 07/03/2005 20:07

I also work 20 hours a week, in a school so do school hours and get school hols, but know that I am around for the important before and after school bits. The ds's always seem happy that they have not had to do after-school clubs or have childminders etc. Being a sahm is lovely. Enjoy it. Don't feel guilty about the money, although I know exactly how you feel.

janeybops · 07/03/2005 20:10

I agree with the part time option. Would hate not to earn at least some money. Plus I like working. Not sure I could do SAHM all the time. I find 2 days is just perfect at work, and 5 days at home is too. I just start getting fed up with one then I swap over again!

psychomum5 · 07/03/2005 20:20

I have been both a SAHM and a full-time working mum and also worked part-time until just before Xmas.
I am now at home full-time, and can honestly say I am so glad I am.
Yes, I do have days when the kiddies drive me mad, but then show me a mum who says differently and I'll show you a liar!! I also get quite down at times having to justify what I spend to my DH (altho he doesn't complain that much, it's more my own insecurities there I think), but I just thought about whether I would regret not being there as much as I could be now, once they got older. I decided that, yes, I would regret it, and so that made my descision.

You may find it's not for you, but you won't know that until you try it. And if you find you are going slowly mad, then take the advice from some of the others here and try volunteer work first, before you plunge back into 'proper' work, and see if that is fulfilling enough.

You never know, you may just find yourself thriving!!!

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