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Original poster

I'm so humiliated I can't bear it.

47 replies

TalentedLoser · 10/10/2008 20:57

I had a shining media career before kids. Jobs just came to me effortlessly and I climbed at climbed.

I guess that's why I decided to step right out of the workplace to have kids. I thought I could waltz right back in since it had been such a breeze the first time.

Anyway I've been freelancing for the past ten years in between pregnancies and feeding at the job I've always done. A couple of weeks back I applied for the very job (staff) I started off doing when I left education. Despite the fact I've been doing it for 15 years full time then freelance, they didn't even offer me an interview.

I'm back freelancing, on the same pay I've been on for 8 years (and I had to argue to get THAT when I returned this time) and I'm hurt and angry.

I have nasty thoughts about the young fools who are going ahead of me and cutting me out.

HELP!

OP posts:
escape · 10/10/2008 21:00

Theres a reason, and not because of 'you' I bet.
I don't live in the Uk. I live in aplace where your calls are not returned and i haven't had work from places I could have run from the top, whilst the illegible shite they produce keeps getting pumped out.
i betcha there's a reason and it's not personal.

Heated · 10/10/2008 21:07

Am speculating as to whether initials are LT

You don't know what internal politics are at play with your old position - their loss.

Anyway, why take a retrograde step by going back to a position that was such a breeze and which you're probably over-qualified for?

escape · 10/10/2008 21:09

Its an opportunity.
Bugger 'em.

Original poster
TalentedLoser · 10/10/2008 21:10

Heated I honestly don't know what LT means. I have indeed namechanged though because I'm so humiliated.

Anyway I'm only doing what I've always done. If they won't give me back the job I did so well, and continue to do well on a freelance basis, then they're hardly likely to give me a higher up job.

I'm normally a kind and generous person but I'm really hurt this time. I've been trying so hard to get back into work. I keep on rolling with the punches and picking myself back up but something in me has snapped now and I don't know what to do about it.

OP posts:
southeastastra · 10/10/2008 21:11

what do you do?

Original poster
TalentedLoser · 10/10/2008 21:14

I don't want to identify myself SEA. I work in the media. I did a post grad' and got work immediately let's say at level one .... climbed up to levels 2 then 3 ... then left to have children. I didn't want to do the whole maternity benefit thing. I wanted the freedom to feel my way into motherhood then return when I was ready.

I can see with hindsight it was a big mistake.

I just can't accept that I am all washed up at 40. I am so much better than the majority of the people doing the job.

OP posts:
Heated · 10/10/2008 21:14

Can you not work for another organisation?

And ignore my LT speculation

escape · 10/10/2008 21:14

Get thyself another job!
Easier said than daone I appreciate, and I also appreciate your feelings as you described them.
Don't make yourself feel any lower .
Onwards and upwards

Katisha · 10/10/2008 21:15

Is it an area of the media where it's hard to get staff jobs and many people are on short contracts?

phdlife · 10/10/2008 21:16

Talented (let's skip the second part of that name, as it's obviously not true ), it may simply be that you appear to them to be over-qualified. You said it yourself, it's something you were doing 8, 10 years ago.

as for all those whippersnappers doing you out of a job - I'll help ya push, if you like

pinkteddy · 10/10/2008 21:25

It wasn't a big mistake, you have enjoyed the time you have had with your children and you could never have got that back. So as Heated and escape say - let go of this organisation and try again with another one. Go for a higher position this time. Good luck!

Original poster
TalentedLoser · 10/10/2008 21:26

Thanks phdlife. I'm giong to start crying if people continue to be lovely and supportive I warn you. That would never do since I'm at work now.

I don't know how to go about getting a job at another organisation. This is so specific and there are cuts generally occurring everywhere. I just can't believe all these years of experience will be flushed away and I'll have to take up a job at Tesco or something. I really feel I can bring even more to the job now I have so much more life experience.

Katish it is that sort of organisation, yes. Increasingly it seems.

I can't even ask for a pay rise. I've been on the same meager rate for ten years. Can you believe it? What a mug. I gather other, less experienced people get even less and I fear if I ask for more they simply won't employ me any more.

OP posts:
southeastastra · 10/10/2008 21:27

what about changing career altogether? i worked for an ad agency and when i went back it was like i'd got another head

mabanana · 10/10/2008 21:28

you are so not finished. Actually I don't know why you are so ashamed that you have changed your name. really I don't. It's just a job - and a job you sould wildly overqualified for at that. I would imagine that while they clearly rate you - hence employing you freelance - you didn't get the job as you are simply far too experienced for it. I have turned down people for jobs in exactly these circs myself. My feeling is that other people might feel uncomfortable being in a more senior position to someone older and more experienced, and also, sometimes, I have felt that it is time that person moved on to a more demanding role - I didn't want them coasting and bored, I wanted someone hungry and keen! It is absolutely crystal clear that it is time you moved on. Why are you still at the same place on the same pay with all your experience and talent? Start networking, get yourself out there. This is a new chapter of your working life, the babies are over, you have space in your life for committing to your job and bringing to it all your life experience. Are you working someone too young for you? Come on, set your sights higher! And stop rating yourself as a person and a professional on the basis of being turned down for one job! That's a wild overreaction and really self-destructive.

Original poster
TalentedLoser · 10/10/2008 21:29

I am trying SEA. I'm constantly on the lookout for ways to diversify, but surely I must do something which is at least related. I have so much experience and expertise.

What started off as frustration is begining to morph into something less healthy and less motivating.

OP posts:
southeastastra · 10/10/2008 21:32

'someone hungry and keen' lol get hungry talented

Katisha · 10/10/2008 21:32

I have been in same job for years and went on a very illuminating day course recently about applying for jobs and behaviour in interview. You mustn't assume they know you or your work, even if they see you on a regular basis. They have boxes to tick these days and you have to play that game. Could you get yourself on some sort of training day/seminar where someone goes through all this with you, because it may just be that you are not selling yourself in the way it needs to be done. (Speaking with zeal of recently converted here...)

Ewe · 10/10/2008 21:34

The industry is flat at the moment, people seem to be taking on the cheapest people possible and to be honest, the recruiting manager probably felt intimidated by your experience.

I'm a media rec consultant and it really is an employers market so they can pick the exact candidate they want for the price they want, it sucks.

Original poster
TalentedLoser · 10/10/2008 21:35

Thanks mabannana ... I love the motivating tone of your post and there is indeed lots of truth in it.

I started aiming higher .... then worked my way back down to applying for my old job. I'm not just stewing away in a position that's beneath me. I have been trying several other avenues to no avail. This is more like the last straw because these people know me, know what I'm capable of and even so they didn't even humour me with an interview.

You are right. I must just keep trying and let go of this organisation to find another. I'm just drawing a blank now. I've been trying really hard to get back into decent work for over a year and this was the final straw.

It's only now that I've started to feel bitter and dislike the people around me. That's so not me and so unhealthy.

OP posts:
mabanana · 10/10/2008 21:36

I've been turned down for jobs. Everyone is turned down for jobs. It's really not something to take so personally - and it's not something to be ashamed of. While I realise you are upset, you are catastrophizing - you have only been interviewed for one job, almost certainly for reasons that have zilch to do with your competence.
what part of the media do you work in?

Original poster
TalentedLoser · 10/10/2008 21:38

I wish it was only the one mabanana. I've been turned down, ignored, passed over for several jobs freelance and staff which I have applied for lately. It's just this one is the one which hurts. Up to now I've managed to keep cheerful, but this one has got to me. I don't know if I'll be able to bounce back again.

OP posts:
BlackEyedDog · 10/10/2008 21:38

I think you can do a couple of things (disclaimer: I'm relating your position to my own so feel free to ignore)

  1. Carry on where you are, get ya head down, do your utmost to make it work, and assume that quality will shine through in time
  2. Consider how your skills could be adapted to a different career, perhaps a more child-rearing friendly one?

I am trying to gain different but similar employment now ds is at school as I can't consider returning to what I did before - long long concentrated hours and I've lost that particular ability to focus - so different to you.

just a thought

Ewe · 10/10/2008 21:40

If you're at work now you must be an editor/sub/journo type?

Original poster
TalentedLoser · 10/10/2008 21:42

That's right Ewe. I normally do more sociable hours but needs must.

I normally don't MN or Facebook or Ebay for a single second of my working shift because I try my hardest all the time but tonight I'm thinking, Fuck 'em.

OP posts:
Katisha · 10/10/2008 21:43

Have you asked for feedback?

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