Please come and tell me your comforting tales of working full time, am feeling worried/sad about effect on DS

[LittleMyDancingWithTheDevil]

Since DS was born, I spent about 8 months working nearly full time (finishing at 4.30pm) when he was 12 months, then worked four days a week, then 3.5 days a week.

DS is now 2.5, I currently work 3 days a week for DP which means we all walk in together as a family in the morning, drop DS at nursery, then I pick him up at 4.30 and take him home for tea etc.

Have just accepted a full time job with a short commute in the opposite direction to nursery. DS will now be in nursery 8.30 - 5.30 five days a week (except Tues am when my mum will have him), some days 6pm. DP will be dropping him off in the morning, I'll be picking him up at night.

Am worried about whether we'll all be ok with this, it's going to place additional strain on all of us and DP is worried about DS. I'm really going to miss our two days together too

Please tell me your tales of both parents working full time working out for you and your family. I need cheering up

Dashing off now but will come back later with tales of how my dd thrived in full time nursery.

Much harder on the parents than the children IMO.

Thanks TigerFeet - I know my DS loves his nursery and they take really good care of him. He does get VERY tired though and I'm worried about wearing him out too much.

Am also feeling sorry for myself as I'll really miss our Tuesdays and Fridays together

The plus side is I'm pg so it's only until March, when I go on ML and will reduce his nursery hours, and then I hope/pray my employer will accept a flexible working request for four days a week. So it's not all bad.

Am just feeling sad and nervous and worried.

OK, of course you feel sad, nervous and worried but IT WILL BE OK. Honest!

I worked full time when ds was a baby. We sometimes walk past the nursery he went to until he was nearly two and he always says something nice about it. So he must have had a good time there.

hello - I have been pointed this way by a MN friend.

I work fulltime as does DH and have done since my DT's were 5 months old. So our main difference is that my DT's never really got used to Mummy being at home whereas your DS has had some time with you. However a 2.5 year old cannot really tell the time, he's not really going to know that you are dropping him off earlier and fetching him later. He will be in an environment thats familiar to him and he get a day a week with his grandma, being spoilt rotten - he will LOVE it.

I think the issue is going to be how YOU feel about it. My experience is that I was ready to go back to work when I did, I was exhausted and needed some me time, as soon as I did our lives started to get back into some semblance of normality. Dh and I had a rocky road til the boys were about 2 years old, but now everything seems marvelous (boys are nearly 4 and I am pregs with no.3!). The pro's of full time working for us are - no one is at home for any length of time in the week so the house only needs cleaning once a week and we share that. We make the most of the time we DO have together as a family. The boys are now far more educated than either of us!

Since you have already worked out of the home for a lengthy time, I really don't think these few days/hours extra will seriously harm anything you already have with your DS. Make sure your evenings are spent cuddled on the sofa with him asking him about his day and telling him about yours - then do something together as a threesome on the weekends.

Good luck, you will be fine!

Thank you so much for wise words - you're right, it's more about how me and DP feel about it than DS, he'll probably take it in his stride.

I know I need to take this job, as my professional confidence has taken a real knock lately and I need to get back in the saddle. I know that working makes me happy, and that working for DP doesn't make me happy or motivated (doing admin for him whereas I'm really a corporate communications person). I also need something in my life that is 'mine' rather than dependent on DP/DS.

All these things I know are true, but I'm experiencing a totally unprecdented lack of confidence. I've always been a really confident person and believed in my skills, but am feeling much more worried and scared about this job than I ever have before about any job ever!

It WILL be ok, it WILL be fine. (New mantra )

bump for all you working mums with comforting tales

Similar to others I work full-time so DS goes to nursery from 07:30-18:00 every day. It's a long old day and it tires him out but he loves it. It's me that feels bad about how long and how much he's there and I miss him loads. When I go into the mall at lunchtime and see mums and babies I do get a little sad about it, however, I know I couldn't be with him full-time either, it would drive me mad.

Definitely agree re. making sure the time you spend together is well spent. We're lucky enough to have a cleaning lady come to clean and iron for us once a week so weekends are full of fun. Last weekend we all went to the local common in the rain and spent time jumping in puddles in our wellies and waterproofs.

Also agree re. needing time for you, but also time for you as a couple. It's a juggling act but can be done. It can be very tiring though.

I'm currently on maternity leave as have just had DD. I'll be going back full-time when she's six months old.

Dh and I have both worked full-time, through necessity rather than choice, since ds and dd were each five months old.
I totally agree with TigerFeet that you will feel it much more than your ds does, provided you have access to reliable, good quality childcare.
Both ds and dd are happy, loving, thriving children who have not been warped or undermined at all by daycare.
What I will say is that we prioritise their needs over ours at all times and that can leave you both, as WOTH f/t parents, precious little time for yourselves or each other. We both want to and feel we should spend as much time with the dcs on weekday evenings, weekends etc.
Would I work if I didn't have to? No. But do I think working f/t has harmed my children - definitely not.

Back again

DD was fine in nursery full time - in fact when I cut my hours earlier this year she was very cross that she couldn't go as often! She is at school now and is missing her nursery very much. Some of her carers are keeping in touch, two of them fight over who gets to babysit for us .

She didn't really get tired tbh, she could sleep or have quiet time if she needed to. My only concern from dd's pov was that her nursery prides itself on being a good introduction to school - the older children (3.6+) were in a preschool room with a reception type environment, taught by qualified primary teachers, and I did feel that five days a week from 8-5 of this was too much for dd. She left for school at 4.1 though so was very little whereas those that were nearly 5 when they left coped much better. Previous to the pre school room she was fine, no issues, loved her friends, dressing up every day, messy play every day and the fact that so many people were prepared to cuddle her

I never felt that it affected our relationship, at least as far as she was concerned. She never once said that she wished she could stay at home with me, whereas she has once or twice since she started school. For myself, I did struggle and had finances been different I would have worked less. However if you are going on ML soon anyway and you have an opportunity for flexible working then I think that you may well escape at least some of the guilt.

You do have to be amazingly organised though. I did my best to keep cooking to a minimuym (lots of batch cooking and freezing, convenience foods, takeaways) and the housework wasn't always done as often as I would have liked. THe weekends and evenings were for dd - I often found myself ironing or cleaning the bathroom after she had gone to bed until quite late as it was the only time I could find to do it. I'd get a cleaner if you can.

Good luck, hope it all works out

Hi, we both work full time - have done since DD was 5 months (now 2) not through choice. It is really hard because we miss her soo much during the week, she starts at 8am and pick up 5.45. But on the positive, she has developed amazingly, she is really happy, confident, disciplined and forward for her age. When the weekend comes, we all devote our time to each other or have some time out, i.e. DH wants to watch footie so me and DD go for a long walk and chat about nonsense and play on the swings, the DH takes her out on the Sunday and has some quality time with her then we all have a lovey Sunday dinner together. It sounds a bit Waltons, but I love it and stress levels are lowered as we are all happy.

IMHO leaving your child for two days is perfectly reasonable.
I work full time (3 x 12.5 hour shifts). I worked when dd was little and went back to work after having ds after 9 months.

I believe my children are far more confident, social and adaptable having spent time with a childminder, being with other children and another family. I dont believe keeping your children with you for 4 years until they start school does them any favours. This is just my opinion though and I fully support those who choose to be SAHM, its just not for me.

Thanks all you lovely people! We are lucky in that DS' nursery is great and he loves it, and we are getting a cleaner, so from that point of view those things are taken care of.

I am going to become friends with Sainsbury's online shopping as well as batch cooking/freezing (I do this already but am going to get better, and do MENU PLANNING - eeeeeek!)

I keep just thinking - it's four and a half months until I go on maternity leave, and then we'll beg/plead for four days a week.