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Original poster

Oh help help help - I made a suggestion about something we should do to my boss at work - he liked the suggestion but most of my colleagues hate it and now they are peeved with me and I just feel really small and stupid

90 replies

SixSpotBurnet · 17/09/2008 12:48

Help help help.

Have been in new job since January. I joined an existing team which had had a bit of a shake-up and in particular had its reporting lines changed etc.

We have been doing various team-building exercises which to be honest I quite enjoyed and I suggested to my boss that perhaps we could have a full day, off-site (budget permitting) in about six months time to review what we'd done, do some training etc. We used to do this at my old firm and they were quite popular.

Anyway, four of my colleagues have kind of rounded on me out of earshot of boss and basically expressed their disapproval of the idea and instructed me "not to spring any more suggestions like this on them without advance warning".

I feel really small and stupid now, and don't quite know what to do. Anyone got any bright ideas?

OP posts:
Original poster
SixSpotBurnet · 17/09/2008 14:51

The more I think about it, the more peeved I am! Grrrr.

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WideWebWitch · 17/09/2008 14:55

It's very aggressive, pack like and lazy behaviour imo SSB. You don't have to go to THEM to give 'advance warning' of ANYTHING, you work for your boss, not them. I tihnk if you let this go it will set a precedent tbh. I wonder if you should let them know that you don't appreciate their asking you not to make suggestions (since this is in essence what they've asked, that you 'run it past them#' or something before suggesting something to your boss!) The mor eI think about it the more outrageous I think it is too, it's real putting you in your place and childish behaviour.

bundle · 17/09/2008 14:58

agree with you www - and cross on behalf of the lovely 6spot but what would raising it (with boss or "colleagues") achieve? more childish behaviour/isolation (am a worrier )?

Original poster
SixSpotBurnet · 17/09/2008 15:01

Well, exactly, www. The message does seem to be: "Don't make any more suggestions in open forum unless you've cleared them with us first".

Hmmmm.

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WideWebWitch · 17/09/2008 15:06

I think you could let them know that you 'appreciate their feedback' but that you also have some feedback for them (said with a v sweet smile): which is that unless your boss asks you to run things past them first you will not be doing so. I think you have to think of a way to convey this subtley and effectively WITHOUT raising hackles but sending a v clear message that you won't tolerate it.

Otherwise they'll think they can control you. What do they do? Roughly? And I do think it needs nipping in the bud but I also think you ought to be able to handle it gracefully and professionally so that you send the message but don't make huge enemies in the process.

Will have a think.

WideWebWitch · 17/09/2008 15:07

I don;'t think you raise it with boss btw unless he directly asks, in which case you tell the truth.

It's a test. I bet they ALWAYS do it to new people to work out whether they can manipulate them or not. Fuckers.

bundle · 17/09/2008 15:08

I was bullied at work once and it only stopped when I raised it "officially"

Original poster
SixSpotBurnet · 17/09/2008 15:12

How about an email along following lines:

Dear KLs,

I do appreciate your feedback on my suggestion that we might have an "away day" with the Knowledge Services team to follow up on the team-building work that has taken place recently and to do, for example, any training that would be of joint benefit to us and them.

I've participated in "away days" (and away weekends) at both my previous firms and honestly did not realise there was anything odd or uncontroversial in the suggestion.

I am very happy to take on the role of organising it on the basis that I have no wish to volunteer anyone else for extra work etc.

I don't think, however, that I can commit myself to not raising suggestions in future without clearing them with you first. If you don't like a suggestion, please tell me so in open forum (or tell [boss]) so we can discuss it properly.

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squeaver · 17/09/2008 15:12

Fuckers. Ignore them. I hate people like this at work. It's pack mentality at its worst. In fact, I bet it's only one person's point of view and everyone else has just ganged together for fear of being the next "victim".

Chin up and just get on with your job. Don't let the bastards get you down. And DON'T go back to your boss about it - that'll backfire.

Original poster
SixSpotBurnet · 17/09/2008 15:13

Oh, they're really not the bullying sort - I'm obviously misrepresenting them somewhat here!

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bundle · 17/09/2008 15:19

did you mean "controversial" ?

I think the tone is a little "bowing" towards them, iykwim.

what about?
Dear KLs,

I do appreciate your feedback on my suggestion that we might have an "away day" with the Knowledge Services team to follow up on the team-building work that has taken place recently and to do, for example, any training that would be of joint benefit to us and them.

I am very happy to take on the role of organising it on the basis that I have no wish to volunteer anyone else for extra work etc. I've participated in many "away days" (and away weekends) at both my previous firms and believe they provide a valuable opportunity to explore how we work both as teams and individuals.

I don't think, however, that I can commit myself to not raising suggestions in future without clearing them with you first. If you don't like a suggestion, please tell me so in open forum (or tell [boss]) so we can discuss it properly.

Original poster
SixSpotBurnet · 17/09/2008 15:33

Yes, doh - "controversial"!!

I like your changes.

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MascaraOHara · 17/09/2008 15:34

sorry to be brutally honest.. if somebody suggested that in my team meeting I would cringe, I hate those sort of things.

although to be fair I wouldn't have cornered you, I would have said there and then something along the lines of "I'll be booking holiday that day"

From a career point of view, it'll help you.. forget the miserable bastard colleagues... next time though, suggest a team building session in a local resturant with free running booze

Original poster
SixSpotBurnet · 17/09/2008 15:36

I know lots of people hate team-building activities (and I loathe the sort that involve assault courses and the like) but I wasn't actually suggesting team-building activities here - we've already been doing them - what I was suggesting was doing the follow-up - which we have to do at some stage anyway - as an away day. Slightly different.

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Original poster
SixSpotBurnet · 17/09/2008 15:37

Anyway, I don't like drinking with miserable people. It puts me right off .

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MascaraOHara · 17/09/2008 15:43

aye but us misery guts are surprisingly unmiserable when we have either cake or booze in our hand or even better curry & booze and a taxi ride home lol

on a serious note, it's very bad form that they felt like they could 'gang up' on you iykwim.. don't let them damp ya style!

Take in a box of krispy kremes on Monday it'll al be forgotten

bundle · 17/09/2008 15:48

we often have krispy kremes ITUP (In The Usual Place) at work

we haven't done an awayday for absolutely ages but when we did it was a 3-line-whip

WideWebWitch · 17/09/2008 15:58

I like the email and think you should send it with bundle#s amendments. It's polite, professional and gets your message across. I don't think you shoudl ignore it, I think they'll think it's ok behaviour and it aint.

Original poster
SixSpotBurnet · 17/09/2008 16:03

I wonder if I should discuss with the only one who didn't express shock and horror at the idea? (and who is, like me, a relatively recent arrival here).

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aly16 · 17/09/2008 16:05

They are prob just all arse lickers and are jealous that you have had a great idea and they haven't! Ignore them xx

littlelapin · 17/09/2008 16:09

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
SixSpotBurnet · 17/09/2008 16:10

No, I haven't sent it yet. Am going to ponder for a bit...

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littlelapin · 17/09/2008 16:16

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

bundle · 17/09/2008 16:20

like it, lapin

I would lean towards the enigmatic smile approach too...

WideWebWitch · 17/09/2008 16:32

I was thinking about this as I cooked supper for the children just now (working from home). I WOULD send the email but because

a) I think they need telling
b) I think they'll do it again if you don't
c) I am a stroppy cow and known for being fairly hard at work. But I am supposed to be as usually managing teams who need sorting out and tihs is different, is your peers I think, no?
d) I think discretion is the better part of valour sometimes, absolutely. But not where it sets a precedent for allowing and tacitly agreeing to unacceptable behaviour. And their behaviour IS unacceptable, in the extreme imo.

You COULD (slightly risky strategy here, depends on what your boss is like and how you feel about it) ask your boss for his 'advice' on how to handle it. You could say you don't want him to take any action but you acknowledge that not doing anything might be construed as your agreeing to their 'terms' and you'd appreciate his view on how to handle it since you're new.