Ok ,think I may have completely screwed this up, help/reassurance please!

[LittleMyDancing]

So I had a job interview yesterday for a job I want. Thing is, I'm 12 weeks pg on Sunday.

I didn't tell them before or at the interview, as I took advice from all you lovely people and I'm legally not obliged to at this stage.

Then they phoned today to offer me the job. Now I took the view that if I take it, then by the time I start I'll be very obviously pregnant, so I can't take the path of waiting until I'm in the job a few weeks and then telling them.

So I thought I would tell them now, as that way it's all honest and above board. Now I know that legally they can't withdraw the offer, but to be honest I don't want to work there if they're going to be really angry at being 'deceived', so I would rather not take the job than start under a cloud, iyswim?

Anyway, my potential boss surprised me by saying 'I thought that you might be' (I'm not showing that much ) but then said he'd have to go and consult his boss and HR about it and get back to me. We haven't negotiated pay or hours yet (it's full time but I would rather work four days a week) so there is an option for us to opt out if need be (i.e. if he refuses to give me four days a week, or won't pay what I'm asking, then he could force my hand into not taking it, iyswim?)

He said I was the only candidate they wanted, they don't have a reserve, so in a way that's a good thing.

So now am bricking it completely, because if we go through all this nonsense and then we fall out over pay or hours, it feels like such a tremendous waste of his time, and I feel like I've really been a pain in the arse.

Anyone got any words of wisdom here?

Exactly LMD, it's a long time between now, and returning to work after having your next DC. It depends what you will be looking for at that time, but despite all the written legislation, I honestly think you will have more chance of getting a flexible working application agreed later rather than now, just because they have no experience of you. With me once they realised what a huge asset I am they gallantly agreed to 4 days a week because they realised that I could get the f/t job done in that time. Atm they don't know much about you except that you went for an interview pregnant, so whilst you are perfectly within your rights to request flexible working, it might leave feeling over a barrel, whereas if you wait until they know your work capability it makes it an easier decision for them.

LittleMy - I agree with what others have said. It is 100% easier to get flexible working agreed once an employer realises what a fabulous asset you are and that they do not want to lose you!

If you are willing to work full time now, and that's what they suggest, you could think about going for it, but making your position clear. You could say something like "Look, I know that I'm a bit 'untested' at the moment, and I know that most employers find it easier to agree flexible working once they know someone and feel confident that they can get the job done in less time. I hope that I can spend the next few months proving my skills to you, and maybe we can have another discussion when I come back from maternity leave." If they react positively to something like that then you know that there's a good chance any reluctance is because you're new, not because you're pregnant! If they don't, at least you'll know now and you could spend the last bit of your maternity leave looking for somewhere with a better attitude and then resign!

True. And this is not the economic climate to be looking gift jobs in the mouth, iyswim. I've been looking since March, and realistically, as I get more pregnant, I get less and less employable.

So I ought to work f/t if they demand it, really.

Oh, I didn't mean at all that you should force yourself. Public sector are often really good about flexible working. I was looking at your earlier post where you said you 'would work full time now'.

The other approach is to say "look, I think I'd be great with flexible hours. Here are all the reasons why [insert glowing self praise]. It's something I'd be looking for later anyway, and I'd rather not be one of those people who just waits for the six months service and then puts in her request. I'd rather prove myself to you as the whole package from the start. I really do think I can be even better for this department with flexible working."

Women are, as a whole, shit at selling themselves. Men do it all the time. I read a really interesting article a while back on how men nearly always try and negotiate their starting salary in a job, and women hardly ever do. Hence men have a better starting point for every later pay rise. Maybe if women started negotiating with the same determination for flexible working (which, in my view, means being determined in your views, but willing to listen to and work with your employer to find solutions to problems they identify) we'd all be better off.

You go for it!

That's not a bad thought, RibenaBerry. I do think I'd be a better employee four days a week, as I'd have enough time with my son to make me happy and not feel that I was neglecting him. I'm also the sort of person who works better under pressure, with lots of deadlines. Plus I work very fast, I don't mess around, I just get on with things, so all of these points I think make me a good bet.

Let's hope they believe me!

You go for it. Use your first reason as your last one though (if you haven't spoken to them already). Lead with the fact that you don't mess around, work well under pressure, etc. Then conclude by saying about actually being better because you will feel more work/life balanced. Always good to lead with the business stuff!

Let us know how it goes.

aaaaarrrggh! she just called me again, they've decided that they want me to come in for a meeting, as she's very new in the role (three weeks or something) and hasn't met me, and they want to go through the role spec and talk it through so we're clear on what they're expecting.

I suppose the good thing is that they're taking my request seriously, and haven't just said 'Naff Off', but it's very frustrating, as also they don't want me to come in until next Friday so it's just taking forever.

an am now really paranoid that they're secretly interviewing other candidates to see if they can find someone better....

grrrrrr.

It's frustrating but I don't think this is negative. It's an opportunity for you to eloquently convince them of your fabulousness and of the general wonderfulness of your 4 day a week proposal.

And don't worry, they'd be daft to try and find someone better now, as it would be so obviously because you've told them you're pregnant, particularly as if push comes to shove, you will do f/t so it's not as if they could claim you were unable to fulfil the terms and conditions of the offer or anything.

Try not to panic!

No that's true, at least I get to try and convince them of how great I am in person. They're also sending me the details of their transport links, as you're not allowed to park there every day (it's very complex, this place!) and it's very difficult to say whether I can do full time if I don't know when their free bus goes or where from, or how their flexitime system works.

So hopefully I'll have enough information to really decide whether it's going to work or not by next Thursday (they've now said Thursday, as I said Friday was difficult).

I just feel like I'm being the biggest pain the backside ever, really don't want them to think of me like that.

Question for you, ms flowery and the RibenaBerry - if someone asks for flexible working, i.e. for example 32 hours over 4 days instead of 37.5 hours over 5 days, is it standard to expect them to do the same amount of work in those hours?

Or is it good practice to see if some of the job can be reassigned in order to accommodate those hours?

i.e. are people on flexible working actually working harder in the time than those who aren't, for less money?

Nothing standard really as such, it depends on the job.

You would probably normally expect either some tasks to be ditched or adjusted in some way to make the job 'doable' in less hours, but how that would work and what would be done would depend hugely on the individual circumstances.

Some people on flexible working arrangements work harder than f/t people, yes. Sometimes it's the other way round I have to say. I've seen an awful lot of flexible working applications approved with people reducing hours to fit in with school runs or whatever resulting in those people working exactly those hours and not a minute more (fair enough), while their f/t colleagues work way over their contractual hours to pick up the slack and because they have no childcare restrictions. That stems from a culture of long hours and of contractual hours being fairly meaningless, and from flexible working applications being approved without the impact on workload and everyone else really being addressed.

Waffle over!

In your case it would depend on the job. They would probably be reluctant to dump stuff on others to accommodate you, but rejigging a bit or adjusting work practices might be realistic. Trouble is if you are not in the job it's hard for you to make informed proposals about how the job can be readjusted to suit.