Will I Upset My Nursery If I complain??

[Madie]

DD is 2.5 years now and going to her nursery for 3 full days a week. She seems to be happy enough there but I want to raise a few concerns with my nursery - but I am afraid of how to put it as I don't want the workers to get annoyed, as I can't help thinking they might treat my daughter differently.

The main problem stems from my nursery not giving any information on my daughter each day. Eg I would like to know how she has ate, slept, played, what she has played with etc etc. I notice that when other mums pick up their kids they never seem to ask. I sometimes feel that if I ask about anything that some of the workers seem to get irritated.

I don't know how to tackle this so any advice would be appreciated. I have tried not to ask at all but the way I am I just HAVE to know how she has been.

Thanks ...

Yes, Veggie, I would find it odd, and worrying. I don't have any experience of nurseries but my sister is an early years specialist, in charge of a state nursery class attached to a primary school. She has just been seconded to inspect private nurseries in her area, and to work with them to suggest improvements in learning through play.

She says the quality varies hugely. In some, they are very keen to work with her and have adopted lots of ideas to give the children fun and stimulation: they really care for the children and are happy to pick up on her experience, and to develop better play. In others, she never sees the staff get down on a level with the children, there is no affection, no fun, nothing other than the most basic physical care - and no understanding among the staff that they should be doing anything more. Naturally the brochures don't reflect this!

Veggie, I would look at the evidence rather than the publicity. If the kids don't look happy, maybe there is nothing to be happy about.

Yes, Veggie, I would find it odd, and worrying. I don't have any experience of nurseries but my sister is an early years specialist, in charge of a state nursery class attached to a primary school. She has just been seconded to inspect private nurseries in her area, and to work with them to suggest improvements in learning through play.

She says the quality varies hugely. In some, they are very keen to work with her and have adopted lots of ideas to give the children fun and stimulation: they really care for the children and are happy to pick up on her experience, and to develop better play. In others, she never sees the staff get down on a level with the children, there is no affection, no fun, nothing other than the most basic physical care - and no understanding among the staff that they should be doing anything more. Naturally the brochures don't reflect this!

Veggie, I would look at the evidence rather than the publicity. If the kids don't look happy, maybe there is nothing to be happy about.

Veggie, when I pick DS1 (4) and DS2(2) up from nursery, DS1 is usually avidly listening to a story or sharing a CD ROM with the group and DS2 is generally covered from head to foot in sand from the sand pit. Even though DS2 clings onto me when I leave in the morning, I know he's happy there and has fun. I'm not sure I've seen much laughing and smiling from the 2-3s when picking up DS2 - they usually seem to be taking their playing very seriously but are undoubtably enjoying it.

Can your DD tell you anything about what she's done? (my DS1 would have been able to at 2, DS2 can not). If she's happy to go there, then she must be enjoying it to some degree - a friend's child seemed to have no fun at nursery and she made it very clear. Do you maybe always arrive at a "quiet" time? Dropping off time can be a bit difficult for the children and at the end of the session they might be winding down?

Meant to add that I guess, in the end, you have to go with your gut feeling.

veggie- are you in bromley??? the nursery I've written about below was in bromley- your description sounds familiar......

My DS's are always in the busy when I go to pick them up, and usually don't want to leave !!!!
They usually kiss and cuddle their nursery nurses on saying good bye.
The have a huge garden at nursery, with play houses,climbing frames, bikes etc, and they usually go out to play even in the winter months, with everyone wrapped up.
This time of year I usually bring them home, with their coats caked in thick mud, but I don't realy mind as I know they have had a good time.

Sorry should read, are always busy.

just read your meetup note again veggie and you are in bromley.... it really does sound like it could be the nursery I've mentioned below in the message right before yours. if you want feel free to get my email address from tech and email me off list.

I wouldn't rely too much on the daily information sheet given out by the day nursery on what your child has eaten, said or done. I know a couple of nursery nurses who have been told to make it up by the nursery manager if they haven't recorded anything or can't remember. ( They have both left the nurseries as they disapproved of what went on, voiced concerns and made suggestions, but were told, we don't have time for all that stuff, just get on with the job!)
They say key workers don't always spend a lot of time with your child as the nursery is generally short staffed, so they end up helping elsewhere, whilst they might have a key worker and really emphasise the realtionship, in theory is doesn't always work out as well as one would hope. Sometimes the key workers don't even get time to cuddle their charges for any length of time
This is in nurseries where the children are supposed to be little Busy Bs and the other one doing J*s ( puzzles)! Don't know whether we can name and shame, but I'm sure you can work it out!

That makes me wonder what the normal staff turnover is at nurseries? Where DS is, a small independent nursery rather than part of a chain, there haven't been any staff changes in the 15 months he's been there. Yet a friend's ds who goes to that puzzling chain(!) had 3 key workers in 4 months. Which is more usual?

I have to say the nursery ds goes to in Croydon is superb. I don't always get a sheet, but the staff always have little anecdotes of what he's been up to in the day (and they're not generic "made-up" sounding things either - lots of detail). They notice when his nose is runny before I do and wipe it up before I react! They're friendly, chatty, and ds absolutely adores his key-worker (even talks about her lots at home - she's been put on a par with Mummy, Daddy, and Nana, yet he only goes to nursery one day a week!). He even cries when it's time to go home.

Wish we weren't moving - after reading this thread I'm dreading the nursery search in our new area

GillW, I think it is the big chains that have a huge staff turnover. I was offered as much or as little work as I wanted at any of the local nurseries, I could be employed fulltime just doing cover work, but it's not for me. I want to build up a loving caring and trusting relationship with the children I look after.

The problem is the pay is so poor, girls get a bit of experience in a nursery straight from college, thus getting a reference and then move onto families who pay more, offer better working conditions etc. Many families won't use a nanny straight from college, so a lot of nannies go the nursery route for 6 months to a year purely to overcome that problem. Hence staff changing frequently.

Nurseries are also failing to train there staff properly, they take on a lot of unqualified staff. Jigsaw were heavily criticised by Ofsted just recently as only about 8% of the people on the NVQ training scheme had completed it. Ofsted pointed out that understaffing was a major problem, so they could not be released to do the training or complete it within the timeframe.

My 2 boys go to a council run nursery, which is excellent. They both enjoy it there, get covered in mud, sand, paint and always have a wodge of arts and craft stuff to bring home.
The staff are lovely, sometime I chat with them for 20 mins about my kids (when I'm supposed to be in work). My ds2 (18 months) reaches out of my arms into those of his key worker and regularly runs into the managers office for some love. (Yes I do give him love and cuddles at home). In the baby room the kids get a daily report, often written in different handwriting and pens, so unless it's an elaborate hoax, I feel that they are genuine.
I did look at some private nurseries and agree with some of the others that they are often have unqualified staff and apparently don't pay them very well. My view is that private nurseries are often in it for the money, so a well run council nursery would be my first choice anyday.

GeorginaA - which nursery does your ds go to ? (I'm in the Croydon area myself).

BigBird - I thought your advice about tactfully 'complaining' was great too.

I've decided now that I'm going to move DD out of her nursery now. The final straw came the other day when I was told dd, having gone to the toilet herself attempted to clean herself after doing a no2. Being as dd is only 2.4months she got the mess everywhere. I was annoyed as I thought staff should be supervising her to trips to the loo - esp as on that particular day there was only 7 children in the entire nursery and 5 staff !!!

Also the fact I never know what she doing each day I have to admit bothers me a lot. Its not just eating and sleeping - I want to know how and what she's done. All I get is answers of she was fine and ate well. Maybe I'm a control freak but I really would feel happier if I knew things.

I not going to voice these concerns to the nursery when i'm leaving however. Will just pretend I'm leaving the area as I 'm frighted that dd will be treated differently in her last month.

Madie - he goes to the Croydon branch of Funshine (they also have a branch in Shirley apparently).

Jimjams - was ill last few days, but will try to get your e-mail from tech in next few days! Ta!

ok veggie- look forward to hearing from you....

Just come across your message in meetups- yep same place- thought I recognised the description. I'll let you know what happened to my son by email. I did hear of some other slightly worrying things as well from another mum (who removed her son about a year after I removed mine).

Madie, I'm also in Croydon & my DSs go to Brightsparks in Purley/Coulsdon. Whereabouts in the area are you?

SoupDragon,

I'm in the Purley area of Croydon. I'm changing DD to Purley Day Nursery which is on Burcott Rd - which was recommended by 2 friends of mine. I did actually visit Brightsparks about a year ago funnily enough as another friend of mine sends her ds there, and always says how much her ds enjoys it there. However I decided against it at the time, as it would have meant a longer journey to/from work.

I chose BS as 2 friends went there - in my mind if it passed their criteria, it was good enough for DS1 (and now DS2). I don't go to work, so the journey isn't an issue - before we moved, I used to drive there from Addiscombe!

@Stressedmum03, you need to start a new thread as this one is from 2003 and people are going to answer the first post without seeing your question.