struggling to adjust to being a sahm

[micegg]

I am currently on mat leave and 99% sure I won't return (due to childcare fees and how I would be able to get DCs to nursery and then fit in a days work plus travel).

The only thing is I sometimes really hate being a SAHM . I just feel so lonely. I go to playgroups and have made friends but find it hard work to even hold a conversation with 2 DCs around. I also find the endless reading of books, trips to the park, etc just so dull. Some days are great when I revel in the freedom and really enjoy the DCs but days like today are just awful. Not helped by DH going out tonight so leaving me with no one to talk to all day!

The other thing that niggles at me is what the hell am I going to do when DS goes to school and I wish to return to work. My current job is extremely specialised so no chance of employment nearer home. I would therefore have to look to do something else but judging by some of the posts I see here thats easier said than done. Sorry I am being such a misery.

I am sure I am not the only person who has struggled with this have any of you got any survival tips. I am thinking of learning about book keeping just to give me another focus and a possible new skill for the future.

I really didn't like my job so was relieved that DH wanted me to be a SAHM but after a couple of month reality hit and I felt just like you do now.

2 years on, I've adjusted a bit, know loads of local mums though toddler groups and have them round for coffee regularly. We all know that you can't keep up with a LO at playgroup and have a decent chat. It's much easier in someone's home/garden.

I still have days when I wish I could go back to work to be surrounded by adults and use my brain for a while so you definately aren't alone.

I decided to have another baby to keep my occupied so can't be all bad..

I can sympathise with how you feel. I went back to work when ds was 10 months and am looking forward to starting maternity leave again in the New Year, but I don't think I would look forward to being a SAHM long term - I plan to return to work for 6 months as it's a condition of my fairly good maternity pay scheme, although I won't have that much money left from paying for a childminder, plus tube fares etc, and then we're going to move out of London, back to the city I come from.

Does your job not include skills you could transfer to other work?

Studying either for different jobs if that's what you want long term or to do something which is separate from your kids sounds like a possible idea. Can your dh/dp or anyone else look after dcs if you found a course which involved going to college part time? I know you can study book keepong at home, but it sounds like you could do with going out to classes.

Is there something you can be doing to keep your skills sharp and relevant?
As far as being at home goes, I think the best bet is to try to build up a network of other parents so that you feel you're at least getting some socialising, though I know that's easier said than done as toddler groups and coffee mornings can be the kiss of death to intellectual stimulation!!
I think you are right to plan ahead though. There have been some recent threads from women who have found it very difficult to get back into the workplace when their children are older and they want to be back. I would investigate whether there are courses/qualifications you could maybe be working on during your time at home.

Thanks everyone. I have just had a long chat with my mum and feel a bit brighter. My job is very specialised but I am sure it has some transferable skills; managing caseloads, liasing (SP) with customers, writing reports and communicating complex ideas come to mind. I think the danger is the less skilled jobs will think I am over qualfied and anything highter up will probably not match my skills.

I am going to look into some evening classes but could be tricky due to DHs job.

I have always wanted my own businessso maybe this is the time to look into my options. It would have to be something with minimal up front cost though and allow me to work on it when the DCs are in bed. Hmmm that will be the business that all mums are after then!