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Original poster

sharing a room with an unknown colleague on a business trip-acceptable??

105 replies

silvermum · 31/07/2008 14:48

How would you feel if your boss expected you to share a room on a business trip with a colleague you know by sight and have perhaps exchanged a few words with over the years but otherwise don't know at all?
I work for a multi national company, in a seniorish position. I have to attend two conferences in October, stretching over two weeks (with a few nights at home in between.)
This is part of my job, and always has been, but this year, for the first time - and with no apology or warning - they expect me to share a hotel room with a (female)stranger.
I feel angry and humiliated. I've raised it with the managing editor, who (irrelevantly) pointed out that I didn't attend the conferences last year. That's because i had a six week old baby ! I have always had a good relationship with the bosses and recently asked for - and got- a decent payrise. Shared experiences/advice, anyone? AIBU?

OP posts:
wornoutwaitress · 31/07/2008 23:59

wouldn't bother me if it was another female.

expatinscotland · 01/08/2008 00:01

not on. not on at all.

i'd ask to pay the difference for my own room.

Quattrocento · 01/08/2008 00:09

Quite extraordinary.

Beyond extraordinary in fact. Totally absurd.

Flibbertyjibbet · 01/08/2008 00:14

I once shared a room with a female i hardly knew. It was a residential weekend of an evening course I was on. We all rushed to college after work and then rushed home after so no chance to get to know anyone.
Residential weekend we were told we were all sharing rooms. I felt it was an intrusion of privacy and felt uncomfortable.
3 weeks later we all go for a drink for xmas and my room mate brought her female partner....

Monty100 · 01/08/2008 00:21

Absolutely NOT.

Ends message

frumpygrumpyhasPMT · 01/08/2008 00:29

I'd sleep outside on a bed of rusty nails in thundering rain with my leg hair on show before I would do this. No siree Bob. Uh uh. Not me. Not unreasonable to say no IMHO.

KerryMum · 01/08/2008 00:38

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

solidgoldbrass · 01/08/2008 00:39

I wouldn't be bothered myself but it seems that part of the issue here is that the OP feels she is being downgraded and/or picked on (ie not all staff are having to share). Is this part of something else ongoing ie do you feel that they are not treating you as well as they should or 'punishing' you in some way for being a mother?

DCsnatchsunhill · 01/08/2008 07:17

When I was teaching, I was made to share a room with a 16 year old student (female). the other two lecturers had their own rooms and it had been suggested that they were sleeping together (they were..). I still kick myself for not complaining and standing my ground, as they were a horrible two nights.
I remember the student seeing me take my contraceptive pill. Yuck.

WaynettaSlob · 01/08/2008 08:03

Only time I have ever had to share a room was when we were on a team building event, and given that we spent most of the time drinking I could give a flying

I would absolutely NOT share a room with a colleague on a business trip, and think you should stand your ground.

purlease · 01/08/2008 09:18

My previous job - we always had to share when we went away for our annual conference. It was a bit of a jolly rather than involving a lot of serious work. The first year I was put in with someone I didn't know (maybe because we are both Irish ). Ten years on and we are still good friends .

WideWebWitch · 01/08/2008 10:50

I would really not want to go tbh.

I have been away on business many times in my career, for conferences and for meetings and, at one point, living in another city for six months. I've always always had a room to myself. Usually 5 star too.

Not on imo.

twentypence · 01/08/2008 10:56

A manager at a firm I worked at said that he had to once when he worked for a large biscuit firm with a multi million dollar advertising budget.

Given that most people seem to get slaughtered at conferences and I have a massive aversion to seeing people drunk I just don't think I could share a room.

I've never had to share, but would consider doing it if it was a NFP or if I was paying myself.

Cammelia · 01/08/2008 11:00

DCsnatch, you were made to share a room with one of your students and who was a minor at the time

Completely out of order from both parties perspectives

snickersnack · 01/08/2008 11:19

A few years ago, when I was working for a bank, we had a department trip to Seville - mostly a jolly with a bit of work. They booked an entire hotel and got the numbers wrong, so asked for volunteers to share the suites. A colleague and I volunteered - we were good friends and didn't mind. It was fun.

But under no circumnstances would I think it was acceptable to be a) expected to do this or b) asked to share with someone I didn't know. Defintely not on.

I once stayed at my boss's mum's house. That was odd...she brought me a cup of tea in the morning in bed.

overthemill · 01/08/2008 11:22

no way, completely unacceptable. breach of your human rights even?

Cammelia · 01/08/2008 11:23

snickersnack, I am lolling at the fact your boss still lived with his mum

Carnival · 01/08/2008 11:26

cmotdibbler makes a very valid point about whether the men are having to share, if they aren't then it would deffo be discriminatory. I have shared in the past, I work for the NHS and like to save money where poss, and I know my colleague fairly well and it was only for one night. I think we'd have had separate accomms if it were for a longer period.

SunshineSmith · 01/08/2008 11:29

NHS is not the same as a big international corporation- I am sure it will be News International...

Fuck that! I am not sharing my room with a bloke, not a chance.

MavisGrind · 01/08/2008 11:31

I used to work in middle management for a large-ish retail chain and had to attend the national conference. This involved me sharing a caravan with my line manager and another colleague, in Wales, in October. After three days in the kids bunk I was invoking human rights laws.

So, no. Not acceptable. (but at least it's not a caravan)

prettybird · 01/08/2008 11:55

Slivermum - I think you make a valid point about this not being a "jolly". Your "room-mate" could get justifiably upset if you wanted or needed to come back to the room and then write up some copy at 2am in the morning - which from waht you describe, is the sort of thing that could well happen. This is quite separate from your insomnia and is a valid reason for needing your own room.

I have worked for a number of bluechip companies ove rthe years and have almost never been requiered to share.

In my current compnay (telecoms business) I have been requiered to share on two occasions: once was a "jolly" Sales Conference at the Belfry and we were given advance notice, so you could try ot orgnaise to share with a friend. It was a function of the number of rooms. I wasn't too bothered by it, even though I only knew the other girl in passing.

The other time was when the entire sales team went on a Team Building Exercise, to Boot Camp - literally! We were on any army barracks so had to sleep in dormitories and shower in communal showers (45 seconds per shower! ). Again, I wasn't too bothered as it was part of the "experience": my main issue is that I was still breasfeeding at the time, so had to arrange ice and refrigerator storage for the EBM and time for expressing!

However, for the "Sales Events" we have been having twice a year for the last 6 years, we do not have to share. These are hard work events - and we usually still have to catch up on work in the evenings, for which we do need to have our own space. There is usually only one desk in a room!

Original poster
silvermum · 01/08/2008 12:28

i wouldn't mind sharing if it was a team building exercise - in fact it's the lack of team building at my company which has led me to being so uncomfortable with this -ie, i barely know the colleague i'm being expected to share with. we are not in any sense a team.
SunshineSmith, you're spot on. i better not say any more as it will be quite obvious who i am to anyone who might care - there aren't many women in my line of work.
i further object on the grounds that i wasnt consulted or warned - i only found out when the travel details were emailed to me, with the other lady's name on the room reservation!

OP posts:
clumsymum · 01/08/2008 16:09

to quote from an earlier posting

"Most events that I have been to involving room sharing have had exceptions for line managers ( - never got that one)"

In the same way that it is difficult to keep your respect for a manager once you have seen them pissed out of their brain, I imagine it is also difficult to treat them with respect once you know they wear green & purple underpants/snore like a warthog/scratch their private parts vigourously before getting out of bed in the morning or any other hideous personal private practice they have.

That is why managers often get to have rooms to themselves (and indeed presenters, can't take a presentation seriously once you know the guy standing there uses dental floss to pick his toenails or whatever).

QuintessentialShadows · 02/08/2008 08:01

stealthsquiggle, I was (I think) the one example that didnt mind. I worked for a US organization... The norm. Like you say.

Rocky12 · 05/11/2008 15:11

I think the view is dont do it. I work for a large telecoms company and we have never been asked to share rooms. However with cost cutting etc the Travelodge is often used. TBH I dont have a huge problem with Travelodges providing I am with other colleagues (in different rooms I hasten to add!).

When I was single I went on a Mark Warner holiday and to save myself £50 I offered to share with a complete stranger. Never never again. This woman snored all night and I had to move out and find myself another room (at my expense!) She must have known she had this problem.

I hate snorers.......