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Original poster

Do you agree I should remove him from nursery?

14 replies

clucks · 29/01/2003 23:45

DS who is 2.5 has been behaving strangely for about a month now. Clingy, refusing to leave house in mornings or get changed, not doing teeth/hands etc and extra tired after nursery. These changes did coincide with moving up to the next room in nursery and mostly older children.

We considered ourselves v lucky to get him into this nursery where he has been since about a year old. I considered it the best in our area with webcams etc. Until this room change and change in staff ratios which we are being fobbed off about. They are saying that for 2-4 hours a day the younger ones in the room get 'teaching' separately from the others which maintains a higher ratio than older children in the room and so a higher fee. This doesn't bother me a lot, I am fortunate to be in a position to afford it. What does bother me is that he is less happy in this new room and seems stressed.

The reason I burst into tears in the bath today is that it dawned on me that as I am about to go on maternity leave anyway, how can I justify keeping him there for several hours a day, away from home?

Although he seems happy enough while there (so they tell us) he is grumpy and moody at home and uncooperative. It must be the change. Of course, this would be inevitable with any new class/new school, but surely he doesn't need to be away from home during my leave. If I am not coping with new baby/toddler, I could always get a mother's help or something, couldn't I? Probably cheaper for part-day...

I realised that I was so self-congratulating on having him at this nursery that all I wanted was to keep his place there and put the unborn one on the waiting list. I think I've decided to take him out and take him to m&T groups or playgroups for part-day and look for somewhere new for both of them later or even a nanny (bad experience last time, so bit wary). I talked to DH tonight, he didn't think I was being hysterical or hormonally deranged and agreed to whatever I would be happy with. I just wanted some sound advice from people here, as I'm guilt-ridden and feel I've been blinkered about the whole thing. Please be honest, need to decide by friday if we are giving notice. Thank you all.

OP posts:

mears · 29/01/2003 23:51

I would tend to have him at home with you. He is only 2.5 yrs and therefore will have plenty of time to go to nursery IMO. Was he full-time at nursery? Perhaps you could send him 2/3 times a week instead. I can only compare to my own experience which was 3 mornings per week for a 3 year old. That has all now changed, most toddlers having places every morning at 3 years. I must admit I probably would have liked to have my 3 year old away more often than that at times
You must do what you feel is right for you and your ds.

Original poster

clucks · 29/01/2003 23:54

Mears

Thanks for being up late. He goes 3 full days currently. I really don't think he needs to be away from home for 10 hours/day which is what we need when working. Also, I'm taking about 8 months off. He will have a p/t place at school nursery then but it wouldn't be enough for my working hours. My instinct seems to be to take him out for now and take him to p/t playgroups and things and then decide nearer to return to work. Hopefully I will be less fuzzy headed then too.

Financially, it would save us a few grand too, although that had never been a consideration until everything came to a head for me tonight.

OP posts:

jasper · 29/01/2003 23:55

clucks , read your message again.
You want to take him out of nursery!
Go for it.
Sounds like it is a great nursery and he was lucky to get a place blah blah but that was then and this is now and
a) he is not happy there anymore for whatever reason (might just be his age, a phase , or to do with your pregnancy) and
b) you are starting to have doubts about the nursery
c) you are in a position to take care of him at home for now at least
d) you want him at home with you! (I am reading between the lines, hope I am not misinterpreting you)

Hand in your notice. You know you want to!

When is the new baby due?
I am sure you will cope fine with a baby and a toddler

jasper · 29/01/2003 23:57

posted at the same time as Mears...same advice...

mears · 29/01/2003 23:57

Agree with Jasper. You will get another place when you need it . Enjoy this time together, but remember you won't enjoy every day.That is normal. Good lick with what you decide.

mears · 29/01/2003 23:58

Really must preview messages first. meant to say GOOD LUCK.

WideWebWitch · 30/01/2003 00:02

Clucks, it sounds to me as if you know what you want to do too! Good luck from me too.

Scatterbrain · 30/01/2003 08:48

Yes definitely - go for it - you know it's the right thing to do for all of you. Good Luck & Enjoy the time together !

Cityfreak · 30/01/2003 09:49

Clucks, I was always looking forward to having ds back at home with me when I had my 2nd - not happening though - and had maternity leave. It is a lovely opportunity for you to spend time together before he has to be in school all day. If you tell the nursery that it is because of maternity leave not because of the new classroom you will be on good terms with them and they may keep a place for him open later, which you can keep in touch with them about and keep postponing till you really want it. Our nursery is happy to do that, because they know and trust certain parents who pay on time, are not awkward, etc, and don't put them to the bottom of the waiting list with totally new parents.

Carla · 30/01/2003 11:46

Clucks - poor you!

I'm it a bit of a similar situation myself. Currently, my 2dd's (3&4) attend nursery till 1.00pm, three mornings a week. In April dd1 starts primary school and I thought mmmm... with the money I'm saving from DD1 I could put DD2 into nursery for three full days. The prospect of having three full days to myself a week was overwhelming and I immediately signed her up!

As soon as I had, those guilt-ridden 'whatever am I doing, she starts school next year and I'll never have this time to myself with her again' feelings kicked in. Straight on 'phone to nursery asking if I could use those extra afternoons arbitrarily ie when I know I could usefully use a whole day to myself, collect her at 3.00pm, otherwise free to run through buttercup meadows together.

Maybe something like this could work for you - just when you need extra time you have it free at your disposal, otherwise you have DS to enjoy. By the way, this wasn't an expensive option, only about an extra £150 a term, so didn't feel too bad about paying for something I wasn't going to use the whole time.

Anway, hope you find a compromise that works for you. Good luck - let us know what you decide.

jac34 · 30/01/2003 12:45

I'd have him at home with you,I think you know it would make you happier. As you said if you feel your not copeing with it all, when the new baby comes along you can get help, even if it's just a cleaner, so you can spend your time with the kids.
My DS's are going straight into full time school in September, I decided not to bother with school nursery as it's only 2 hours, and they do go to day nursery for 2 full days when I work, but if I was off work for any reason, I think I would want them home with me.
I think as long as they mix well with other children there will not be a problem starting school. I also feel that people seem to want to rush their children into school and formal learning far too early, I think 3 is far too young. In mainland Europe children start going to school far later and look at their educational standards !!!! IMO the best place for very young children to be is at home with their mother, if at all possible.

percy · 30/01/2003 12:55

definately go with the instincts clucks.

but, from one preggers lady to another, I would try and have at least one back up option in mind incase having the two at home full time proves too much - just maybe the nanny of a friend who could take one or the other for a few hours if you need it maybe?

grommit · 30/01/2003 13:00

Clucks - agree that you need to make a choice here but just to throw a spanner in the works, have you thought about how you will feel giving up work and being at home full-time with toddler and baby? This is a big lifestyle change and can be difficult for someone who is used to working/having a career. I know - I tried it! Maybe you could compromise and send ds to a nursery a few hrs a day or a few days a week to get a break yourself. Hope it works out for you - let us know what you decide.

Original poster

clucks · 01/02/2003 23:17

Well, gave notice into nursery yesterday and tactlessly said it was because he needed more attention. So no chance of either of them going back.

Will be off work for about 8 months and (don't get maternity pay, as S/employed) have saved enough for nanny/mother's help if necessary. His bf's mum rang to ask that we keep in touch etc. bit sad now actually. But he still has several weeks to go before leaving. It just means that I will have to compensate by arranging Yoga, Swimming, French and other la-dee-da stuff that they claim they offer him!

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