isolated at work

[Amma]

I have always enjoyed work and tried to be on friendly terms with everyone. Now I feel that I am being left out of things because other people at my level are all childless. I don't have anyone to chat to all day, and find that I am living for the weekend, when I have someone to talk to, as I can arrange to meet my real friends. I do have 2 real friends who work nearby, but it is so difficult to organise our time, that we hardly ever meet for lunch. I used to ask people from work to have lunch, but the women never reply to my messages on their phones or email, or say they are too busy, although they don't seem to have fallen out with me. The men usually go for lunch if I ask, but they never think to ask me. I see them going out for lunch together, as a group of men, without having asked me. I think maybe they think I am too boring and maternal to include. Whenever I have a party, I always ask them, and some of them come. But they never ask me any more. I tell myself that I should not expect to have anyone to talk to at work, and should just get on with work, but it has been really upsetting me.

Amma
I am sorry for you - this sounds awful. Have you just gone back to work after having a baby? If so, do you think that it might be a case of settling back in? Maybe they got used to you not being there, and they need a bit of time to remember to include you?

Amma,
I'm sorry to hear that you feel left out at work. I understand that you feel this is because all the other people are childless, but please don't think that you don't have anything in common anymore with your colleagues, just because you have children and they don't. Remind yourself that you are still the person you were (just with an extra dimension now).

I suppose my practical advice would be to decide whether its important to you or not to socialise with your colleagues at lunch time. If it is, you could continue to make every effort to invite others to lunch (in person may be more effective than by email) / ask if you can join in with their activities. If at the end of the day its' not actually that important, then don't beat yourself up about it and enjoy doing something that YOU want to do at lunchtime (shopping, mumsnetting if it's allowed...).

Take care XX

Lalaa, I have been back for ages, and wonder if that is part of the problem - some people were friendly when they thought I was dopey mother type, but now they are too competitive to be friendly? Chocoholic, I don't mind not having real mates at work, but I am missing out on work information about what is happening, because I don't see my colleagues at all. I don't do any teamwork in my job, but I still need to know what other people are doing, from the longterm career point of view. I can't see any way around it, if people don't want to include me in chitchat.