I am a complete and utter wuss.

[PeaMcLean]

I am useless at giving negative feedback and being critical. Absolutely crap.

I prepared. I said my bit. I smiled. I pointed out what the problems are and then I smiled some more.

FGS, how the hell do I stop smiling nicely?

Why do I feel the need to be nice when telling someone that X was really badly done for Y and Z reasons. It completely reduces the impact.

Need to learn to glare. Help.

grrr....

any good?

Maybe your type of smile isn't such a bad thing - might be encouraging? If you do want to glare, try to think of something that makes you very cross.

You know the old trick of imagining someone who intimidates you naked or sitting on the loo? You could try doing the opposite of that - imagining your employee sticking two fingers up at you (probably need to make it less irritating than that, though).

You need a bit of a curl in your lip.

I'm sorry but rofl!

I can't think of anything to help you glare. Maybe try and think more about what you are saying? You are probably deciding what to say and 'rehearsing' it, but when you actually say it you are worrying more about saying it right than what you are actually saying.

If someone has done something really badly, try and think about how bad it was when you're saying it. Think about what the impact was on the business, the team, performance, whatever. Might help?

I would recommend the book " Dealing with people you can't stand". Despite the rather gritty title, it gives really good tips about approaching difficult conversations with particular personality types in a way that helps them to get the message.

I empathise though, had hideous horrible conversation with team member about unacceptable emails today, and it has just floored me. I feel exhausted and weepy, although am also premenstrual so could be related.

Apparently I'm a good coach and really patient when showing people how to do new technical things. I just want to be nice you see. It's not always a good thing.

Will look up that book. Any idea who it's by, rookie?

See, that slightly raised eyebrow thing is what I want to be able to do. Like this

My eyebrows won't do that.

Oh I can't actually do it, but if I think it... maybe that's the look I'm aiming for

I have this exact same problem. I can say the right things, but smile too much and sometimes even end up rationalising the mistakes they've made and excusing them. It's getting ridiculous.

YES! Rationalising mistakes and excusing them.