Handed in notice - manager reacted badly

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I handed in my notice last week - leaving for a new, higher role, more responsibility and more pay. Was (I thought) polite in the notice, thanked manager for their guidance, explained it was a career opportunity, confirmed I’d work my notice and proper handover etc etc

Manager has reacted very badly in a call with just us two, told me I have left them ‘in the shit’. Said I was unprofessional and have disappointed them, that I should have told them I was going for an interview (?!) and spoke to me very poorly. Also implied that there were areas of my work that I have been ‘keeping to myself’ that she has no oversight of.

Aside from being disappointed as this was somewhere I have worked extremely hard and built (what I thought were) good relationships. Is there anything else for me to do or bear in mind? Feel very down and almost doubting myself for leaving.

Jeez OP the manager sounds like a complete unprofessional dick. Shocking response to a pretty normal event!
Hope new boss is better.
Do not doubt yourself!
Hope she apologises. ( she won't)

My mum used to say people can be 'married to their jobs ' I.e .they are a bit sad and lose all sense of perspective......

Been there. When I handed my notice in at one place, they were gobsmacked as (they said) they had been planning a new more senior role with more responsibility and pay. Shame they didn't tell me sooner. At least my Manager was nice about it.

Your manager's reaction is a reflection of their own incompetence. Good luck with the new job.

Are you worried about her doing your reference?

You've done nothing wrong. This is a manager problem, not a you problem.

Congratulations on your new job.

Manager has reacted very badly in a call with just us two, told me I have left them ‘in the shit’. Said I was unprofessional and have disappointed them, that I should have told them I was going for an interview (?!) and spoke to me very poorly. Also implied that there were areas of my work that I have been ‘keeping to myself’ that she has no oversight of

Fuck that. I'd be off on garden leave after that gobful.

I think I’d report them to HR, they’re the one being really unprofessional and this could affect a reference going forwards.

Also implied that there were areas of my work that I have been ‘keeping to myself’ that she has no oversight of.

Sounds like a manager who can't or won't manage to me. As for leaving them in the shit, that also sounds like a management problem in more ways than one.

No no no you’re in the right, this is an awful manager with extremely unprofessional manner and lack of boundaries. Projecting her own incompetence onto you, glad you’re leaving!

By 'in the shit' does she mean she's been over-delegating and now it's going to come back to bite her on the arse?

Honestly every thread I read on here I am constantly surprised there are so many arseholes in the world. You’ve made the right decision, ignore your manager, do your handovers professionally and don’t engage,

I suspect she means they need to find someone very quickly to replace rhe op and get up to speed on the role.

Sounds like they are going to find it hard to replace you.

Do what you need to do then be very happy that you’re no longer working there!

I had a similar experience when I left a job about 20 years ago. Manager demanded to know about the new job and who I’d nominated for a reference as he hadn’t been approached for one.

I looked him in the eye and said they’d obviously chosen not to contact him then, as I’d given both his details and one other as they’d ask for two referees.

I assume they rang my previous boss as I’d worked for her for much longer plus she was now in a far more senior role, and we were good buddies. He was pissed off as that was the second time I’d got one over him. He annoyed me originally when he tried to flirt with me when he was first appointed as my boss and I’d had to brush him off…politely! 🙄 😂

It is another confirmation that you made the right choice by getting a new job.

Your manager is completely unprofessional and I would report what was said to HR.

You also want to make sure that your manager is not approached by your new employer for a reference and instead that the reference request goes to HR.

Because such a bad manager might be tempted to bad-mouth you out of spite and compromise your job offer...

Ignore her, she's been caught off guard and is taking it out on you. Why on earth would you tell them that you're going for an interview? If you don't get the job then they know you want to leave and will make life so difficult for you! I bet she would not have told her manager in that position.

When I left my last job my manager told me that he didn't think my reasons for leaving were valid. He was most put out when I said that this was irrelevant!

When I left my last employer for a competitor, I got threatened with court , and then had a massive withholding of earnings from my last paycheck with no warning - went to ACAS and destroyed them in court in return and it was almost no trouble for me as they’d fucked it so badly 🤣

they’ve shown their hand, off you pop without a backward glance, you will be great in your new role! Maybe report to HR/seek advice from ACAS who are fab, but otherwise go and enjoy your new adventure and don’t worry at all about this nonsensical behaviour!

I would send her an email and copying either HR or the manager above her and say following on from our conversation last week. I'm disappointed with your comments saying 'I have left them ‘in the shit, unprofessional and have disappointed them, that I should have told them I was going for an interview and spoke to me very poorly. As you also also implied that there were areas of my work that I have been ‘keeping to myself’ and you have no oversight of. I'm keen to make sure that you are aware of these before I leave . however if you had ever mentioned this to me previously I'd have been more than happy to explain anything that you didn't understand.

I am disappointed as this is somewhere I have worked extremely hard and built (what I thought were) good relationships. However I have to say that your response to my resignation (which have attached again below} because I can't find anything untoward about it has solidified my decision to leave is correct.

so fuck you.

i had similar one: going to a more senior role with better pay at a prestigious place.

Manager got very upset when I resigned (immediate reaction: ‘you’re not leaving’) and told me I wouldn’t cut it in the new place, it would be too difficult for me. He them didn’t speak to me for the full 3 months of my resignation period, which was awkward.

i thrived in the next role, / company and stayed 10 years and got senior promotions. Best move ever.

This is not your problem or your fault. They sound ridiculous.

keep full notes of what happened today and any other snide comments - presumably you can sing like a canary at your exit interview.

Absolutely keep everything in writing.
ensure any leave owing is able to be taken or paid as per policy.

I had a boss like this. I took voluntary redundancy, and because it was a scheme, we all had to have left and taken any outstanding leave by 1 December. Told her I would take two weeks leave in September, one in October and work the whole of November to hand over my work. She said she couldn’t agree to this as others in the team might want leave then, and I would leave when she said I could. Had to get HR involved with that one.

In my experience bad managers always react badly when you hand in your notice, if you are good at your job. She is the one being unprofessional, don't give her a backward glance- onwards and upwards.

Congrats on your new job! You have done nothing wrong. Your manager, otoh… has acted like a tit. Maybe they were disappointed to lose you, but there is no excuse for their reaction.