Academic mums- if I leave my lecturer post after 1 year, will I ever work again???

[limecrush]

I have a great academic job but live in London with immovable barrister husband.

Property market as you know is sh*te atm. To further complicate things I have just been diagnosed bipolar II and can get very depressed and find looking after the children really hard in that condition so can't really live up near my work in North MIdlands with the kids on my own. Plus they are v close to him and would really really miss him.

If I leave now, after only 1 year in the job, will that write me off forever? I could possibly keep publishing but is that hard without an affiliation to a university?

I am desperate frankly and can't take much more 3.5 hour commutes and guilt from other women (and myself) about how I am neglecting and damaging my children....

I'm not a lecturer (yet, ha ha) but have similar issues here (commute, kids, depresstion sessile husband). Many of my male academic colleagues seem to be able to negotiate keeping their job whilest living elsewhere and cram in their teaching into a few weeks and even maintain a lab in another unversity. Whether that's more possible if your reason for wanting to do it is something career-related rather than family, as in their cases, I don't know. But is it worth at least seeing if you can negotiate a way of having it all?

Limecrush, couldn't you look for similar post in a uni nearer home, and try and stick with what you've got in the meantime? The summer hols are nearly here so you should get a rest from commuting for a few weeks? Though might be too late for the autumn term - how much notice do you have to give? One of my lecturer mates had to spend a term abroad once as his partner was working away and they had 2 kids, so he decided to go as he was the main carer, and his uni (UWE bristol) agreed to letting him work remotely for a term - so all lectures/tutorials/materials/marking delivered online. So sometimes there might be room to renegotiate things a bit if circumstances are desparate

It's not easy. My mother was a professor at Berkeley, but did not become a full professor with a full laboratory and full teaching duties until we went off to University (she was an adjunct before then). Why don't you ask around in London area for academic jobs while you still have the one up North. I'm sure that it's much easier (as in any profession) to find something while you still have a job.

It's not just your kids that you should be worrying about, but yourself as well. Bipolar and depression can be made much worse if you are tired and stressed. I don't think it's helpful to pretend that you, as a woman, have the same minimal home responsibilities/tasks as a man. You will make yourself crazy (no pun intended) trying to do it all.

I am an architect with two young children and a dh who lives out of the country (long story) and I have chosen to give up my own practice and just work 3/4 time for someone else. It was absolutely the right choice for me. The hardest part was convincing an employer that it was the right choice for them. But once they saw it in action it really does work. We're all happy (me, kids, boss, dh) and everyone gets just enough of everyone. I don't have a world famous career, but I do what I love to do for work and still get to have (and cook) dinner with my family everyday and show up to all the kids school performances with no hassle off my boss. I usually work more hours than the 30/week I am paid for and that makes work happy and more than willing to let me take off when I need to. And I have it set up so that I can work from home if the kids are sick and can't go to school. I'm still a little stressed some of the time...school projects are such a pita. But overall it's great and I wouldn't choose it any other way.
Good luck with it all.