Work situation. WWYD?

[evenhope]

I went back to work in January when DD was 10 months old. I negotiated a temporary change to part time hours so that I didn't lose my FT contract, working 3 full days a week.

DD started nursery 2 full days a week, and DH had her for one full day so that he'd have time alone with her.

DH works nights, including every weekend. Because of the hours he does (a bone of contention) basically we don't see him from early evening on Saturday until Monday morning.

My temporary period is now up and I go back FT on Monday. DD will go to nursery FT 5 days a week and I said to DH ages ago that the only way this is going to work is if he doesn't work weekends, bearing in mind I'm currently doing all the laundry, grocery shopping, bill paying etc at weekends. I worked out we'd be about £170 a month better off (after stoppages) after paying the extra nursery fees- not much but every little helps as we've used up all our reserves and gone into overdraft for the first time in years.

So far so good. This has been planned for 6 months. Then today DH tells me that if he doesn't work weekends he will lose the premium he gets on his wages, so his money will actually be £200 a month (before tax) worse off under the new routine. Great timing. I really really can't bear the idea of working 5 days a week, then spending my weekend on my own with DD trying to get through the washing/ bills/ shopping...

Obviously I've told work I'm going back so I need to give it a fair trial. How long would you give it to test the financial/ practical aspects? Is a month enough? DD seems to love nursery but I'm really not sure now if this is the right thing to do.

I have a similar set up evenhope and it is absolutely exhausting. You have a full week at work then spend the whole weekend looking after the children on your own and then you arrive back to work on Monday morning completely shattered.

I think, in many ways, it's like being a single parent but you don't set up a support network because you have a partner but he's just never around.

It is hard. The only thing that makes this set up slightly more bearable is having support. I linked up with some single mother friends and other friends whose husbands work on the weekend and we all get together and have lunch at each other's houses and that's quite fun and relaxing.

Your problem, like my problem, will be that you will feel like you never get a break and that is physically and emotionally exhausting and probably not a situation that is sustainable in the long term.

We did this with dh working nights and me workign days. It was like being a single parent as far as housework etc goes. DId it for 4 years until dh took a career break for the last year. Now he is rethinking his career and hopefully never going back to nights.

Depends what you earn. When we were both working 6 days a week we paid for someone on Sat and sunday morning to look after 2 of the 5 children which really helped.

Can DH do some of the washing etc?

That's what I was thinking, ckwo. Is there any reason why he can't do washing/shopping/bills before he goes out to work, seeing as DD will be in nursery then? And can you take the pressure off yourself a bit housework-wise? Perhaps I'm just a bad wife and mother, but I'm always amazed at how much mums on here feel they have to do around the house. As long as it's hygenic and not a total tip, ease up on yourself. You're way too busy with the important stuff to give yourself a hard time about housework. Hope you get it sorted so you can have a moment to relax.

Unfortunately we don't earn enough for a cleaner. I'm really very lax about housework. TBH the cleaning is actually his job and he has really let it slide since I've been home.

SunSunSun/ hercules that's what I'm worried about- that I'm going to crack under the strain.

He will put the washing out if I ask him to, but when he's ready- so it'd go out at 2.30pm instead of 10am and then not dry... He "can't" do the bills etc because he won't "can't" use the computer, and when he goes shopping he just gets "bits". Like today. We've been away for a week and he went to Tesco to get milk and bread. That's all he got. We've got no cheese or beans, no pasta. Nothing in the fridge. But he doesn't like shopping, so he does the bare minimum.

When our other children were small we worked shifts around them and it was hard. BUT I didn't work FT.

The more I think about it, the more I'm sure it isn't going to work is it? How long is a fair trial?

i've been back ft for four months. i work tues-saturdays (off sunday and monday) and often work til midnight saturday, and dh works normal mon-fri. so we pass in the hall on weekends a lot, we each have a day on our own with ds and one day (sunday) together.
my dh is just as useless busy as yours sounds around the house tho we have a cleaner and not sure how i'd managed if we didnt -even so, a lot of my weekend is chores.
it IS knackering, you never get a rest and it is bloody hard to find the time to do ordinary things that cant be done with dcs in tow (like go to the hairdresser, oh, once a year). you get no time as a couple and it also kills your social life tho if your dh has alwasy worked nights i guess you are used to this! the advantage is i quite enjoy my mondays pottering about with ds by ourselves.
which raises the question of why we do it, particularly since my boss is a PITA. hmm. i think paying the mortgage has something to do with it.
i would say a fair trial is three months (it will take that long to adjust at work nevermind at home, work out new routines, cut corners where possible etc).
do you have family living nearby who could help? otherwise you'll need a good network of mummy friends and highly relaxed attitude to housework. good luck.

Set up internet shopping for your food, saves lots of time and very convenient. Most stores have an online service and 95% off what we need comes via the net so I only need to go to town once every 3 months for the little bits.

With most internet banking you can pay bills online it literally minutes so I tend to get up 30 mins early and so any shopping or banking needed. Also its quicker to do any jobs first thing with no little ones around.

Perhaps you can split the jobs with hubby if he's home in the day - give him the vacumning etc.