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Original poster

Due back at work - really down.

11 replies

BeachBunni · 26/06/2008 22:33

I'm due to go back to work next month and my ds will be 8 months but I'm feeling throughly depressed at the thought of it. I have to go back full-time because we don't have the money to live off one wage. If I take p/t I have to take a drop in position and wages and wouldn't be worth my while after paying for childcare. Dp and I have no family nearby to help out with looking after lo so daycare is the only way.
I've been getting really teary at the thought of it all week and I know it's prob pfb syndrome but I can't bear the thought of missing his first words, first steps etc. added to that he was prem and we went through a lot with him and he will only actually be counted as 6.5 months when I go back to work and may be the only child we have.
Has anyone else been through this? Is it not as hard once you go back? Getting the feeling I'm just being emotional and silly but the thought of leaving him with strangers really upsets me.

OP posts:
Letsdoit · 27/06/2008 00:06

I don't think you are just being emotional. I feel the same, cannot even bring myself to look at jobs, just want to spend time with my dd.

However, I know that, if I really had to, I would do it (going back to work and leaving dd with 'strangers') and we would both be fine, as I have seen endless colleagues - 'doing it' and being fine!

Think of all the positives: baby interacting with and learning loads from other children as well as experienced carers, you earning money and being able to give him what want to, etc!

And always remember that what you are having to do will only ever get you (more of) your child's respect as someone who can deal with life whether it's through the easy times or the tricky moments.

Best of luck

Original poster
BeachBunni · 27/06/2008 13:11

Thanks letsdoit for reminding me of the positives. It actually brought back a memory of my brother going to daycare and me feeling upset because I wanted to go but they didn't have the places. Feeling a bit better about it today. Caught between a rock and a hard place when it comes to work and wanting to spend time with my ds but unfortunately can't do without the money. The bills have to be paid somehow.

OP posts:
woodstock3 · 28/06/2008 22:42

it is MUCH worse in anticipation than in reality, i felt exactly the same but ds has completely thrived since i went back (when he was 8 months). dont worry about missing the milestones - i was with ds when he took his first steps: they are more likely to try new things out when they are with you i think - and on the practical front, if they DO do it for the first time when you are not there, you won't know (if the nursery are tactful enough!) and the first time they do it in front of you will be the first as far as you're concerned iyswim!
and dont worry that he will forget who you are which is what i was worried about. they always know their mummy.
it also helped me to think of it not as leaving him permanently, but 'i'll just go back to work for three months and then if i really hate it we'll think again.' what we would have thought of i dont know as the mortgage still had to be paid, but i found it comforting and sure enough by the time three months rolls around, it's fine. it will be harder on you than it will on him. good luck!

rascal1979 · 29/06/2008 11:07

Beachbunni ((((hugs))))

No help I'm afraid butwant you to know you are not alone ....

I'm exactly the same with my DD. As you know she too was prem and I have been putting off looking at nurseries because I don't want to ever go back to work and leave her.

However I realised I was being unrealistic and started looking last week some places are soooo grim.

I have finally chosen one but tbh it is plan B plan A is to win the lottery!

She wont start til the new year so I know I am lucky to have more time but God I am really dreading her starting. Just the thought makes me feel sick to the pit of my stomach.

I think it's cos like your LO she was prem, still small at 9lb 10oz (at 6.5mths) etc Also I'm still coming to terms with what happened and sometimes struggle with feelings of guilt - mainly for 'leaving' her in NICU every night for 9 weeks

Could you maybe phase your return by using up holidays? and build up your hours that way?

RubySlippers · 29/06/2008 11:10

please try to enjoy the last few weeks of your Maternity Leave

DS went into nursery fulltime from 6 months as i had to go back to work

the anticipation is MUCH worse than doing it IME

give yourselves plenty of time to get used to it all

oh, and you won't miss his first words and steps as the first time you hear them, or see him doing a wobbly walk, is the first time for YOU!

mieowcat · 07/07/2008 21:53

im feeling exactly the same, as tommorow i go back to work and am dreading leaving dd at 5 m old. we have found a lovely childminder though, as our original choice nursery was really grotty and the ofsted report terrible! i have negotiated with work to return on 3 days p/wk for july and then 4 days p/wk in august building up to 5 days in september by using some holiday, which makes returning feel A LOt easier, but i feel very upset tonight. you will be ok, im sure its the thought and the reality will be easier. x

LullyMummaOfOne · 08/07/2008 10:17

hi BeachBunni, i completly understand how you are feeling. I came back to work full time when my DS was 9 mnts old (he is now 2.4yrs) and it was hard going. For the same finanical reasons as you full time work is the only way we can survive. However my mum who is a registered child minder looks after my DS so i know he is in the best posssible care.
At first i cried every monring when i dropped him off, and couldnt wait to pick him up. Then after a few months i could see how happy he was and it made me feel better about leaving him.
I am now pregnant with DC2 and im already getting upset about the fact that i will have to return to work. I am hoping that i may be able to reduce my days from 5 to maybe 3.5 or 4 but all options are open.

I just want to let you know that it really isnt that bad, just think about all the weekends you will have together and the special bath and bed times. Keep strong and good luck

Julesnobrain · 08/07/2008 22:55

Hi I was in the same situation with ds. I waited years to get him and then had to go back to work. The nursery had to literally prise me out of the door as I was so reluctant to leave him, was in floods of tears (me not him). 5 years on ds thrived at the nursery now at school. I now have dd at same nursery)and have worked full time since. I still dream of winning the lottery.. never have time to buy a ticket tho!! but it does get easier and now girlfriends who were stay at home mums are seeking part time work and going through all that angst of being out of the job market for 5 years + and I am glad I don't have to go through that. I hope it all works out as well for you.

Julesnobrain · 08/07/2008 23:01

Hi I was in the same situation with ds. I waited years to get him and then had to go back to work. The nursery had to literally prise me out of the door as I was so reluctant to leave him, was in floods of tears (me not him). 5 years on ds thrived at the nursery now at school. I now have dd at same nursery)and have worked full time since. I still dream of winning the lottery.. never have time to buy a ticket tho!! but it does get easier and now girlfriends who were stay at home mums are seeking part time work and going through all that angst of being out of the job market for 5 years + and I am glad I don't have to go through that. I hope it all works out as well for you.

Noni17 · 08/07/2008 23:40

Hi Again huge empathy with you Beachbunni. I start work next week 3days for the first 4 weeks then full time. It's a new job as well so have had to do a few days wrapping up my old job over the last few weeks. Left DD (8mths) with childminder for the first time as a test run today. I ended up phoning my Mum who helped take my mind off it by not talking about it! Every time I think of not being with her makes me feel gutted as she is such an amazing wee person to be around. I've decided that if I am to be away from her (which financially I have to) then I want to be doing something that I love, hence job change. Good luck with going back and some solidarity helps!

tomwill · 07/08/2008 15:54

I'm thinking of selling up the city life and moving to a tiny cottage miles away so I don't have to work!

Remember why we do it - all for our beautiful children but 7 years of being a working mum and I'm afraid I still get teary if he cries at drop off.

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