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Warm manager turned cold

11 replies

gingerandpeppermint · 05/08/2026 07:35

I've been working in a company now for almost 4 years. I work in insurance managing claims and take up to 50 calls per day. I will be honest. The professionalism of our management has been hideous. Half of the managers are very chummy with all of us , the other half backstabbing, phoney and fake (our department is made up of around 50 employees but we all have separate teams. Ours is extremely close-knit and made up of ten people). Staff turnover is as high as a skyscraper but the money is decent.

As far as im aware, I've always been liked. I find it hard to make friends normally in work places as I'm socially awkward drenched in anxiety however, I hit it off with so many people here. Me & my team go out drinking every few weeks and confide in eachother. My main manager for the last 3 years has been warm, having banter, professional and even sometimes showed a sprinkle of favouritism towards me. We have never felt too comfortable enough to be "friends" but she frequently let's me go early on a weekend, gives me tasks to do which give me a better rep and is constantly calling me my name by short or "hun". I am 33, she 53.

The last two weeks I noticed a few in my team are off with me. No inside jokes nor friendliness, just putting on a smile and seemingly saying what they think they should say.

The only thing I can think which ive done wrong is requesting that I work up until 730pm as opposed to 9pm due to it damaging my mental health (our hours suck - i live in the city and walking home around 930 in the winter was terribly anxiety inducing). I requested this with the scheduling team one yr ago and they surprisingly offered me a renewed contract to finish latest at 730. My manager warned me never to mention this to my other colleagues as the entitlement would be removed.
We have a lovely but non-filtered team member who is hard working but has no filter and I've noticed she caught on that my shift pattern was earlier than anyone else's. She told me "I know its not your fault but its a bit unfair babe". Ive been friends with this colleague for 3 years. I haven't been able to confirm this in fear of it being removed but understand the others are probably finding this very entitled behaviour.

My manager however always seemed to have my back when this colleague would jokingly bring it up and I felt protected. I understand everyone has a knife in their back pocket in a corporate environment but I genuinely feel I can trust my manager.

Last week my manager was happy, kind, warm and even opening up to me as I helped her with a few extra tasks whilst our deputy was away. I felt proud and recognised and even came out of my introverted shell with other managers.
However, Monday I noticed she was slightly off; she appeared stressed and I thought it was due to another manager getting sacked on Friday after a good 15 years there. He was extremely flirty with women and friendly with his male team mates. I believe it had something to do with this. But yesterday was next-level. She clocked me and kept looking over at me observing, no talking. There was no name shortening nor friendly banter. I asked for help on multiple things and she was buried in her screen avoiding eye contact and acted very irritated with me.
I decided to ignore this and keep my head down but what hurt was that she was lovely with everybody else, joking, talking about non work things. Every attempt I made to join in was dismissed and she was hot & cold.

Lastly, I'll say that today there's a colleague who has a birthday. She invited a few of us out after work, she asked our manager who she gets on with really well as theyre the same age. My manager turned to me at the end of the horror shift yesterday and said
"Are you going to the drinks tomorrow?". I immediately felt this was a very weird dynamic ; my manager clearly feels uncomfortable as we both would never go out drinking. I didnt know the right thing to say but mumbled something about not going and she said "well yeah..its a Wednesday isnt it, i don't think many will show up to be honest. I might swerve it".. her last words were "Ok lovely. I'll speak to you tomorrow".

I feel nauseated, headachy, confused, scared at this entire behaviour. Im scared my career is in jeopardy as I've had a manager behave similarly only to dismiss me (this was due to illness however as I was in hospital).
Is it a shift in dynamic ? Is it my colleagues?
How do I go about this?

OP posts:
ALovelyPinkUnicorn · 05/08/2026 07:39

What happens in the last 1.5 hrs you leave? Are others having to pick up the work or do you complete next day?

LittleBearPad · 05/08/2026 07:42

Your contract is your contract and none of your colleagues’ business.

Youre iverthink8ng yoy4 managers attitude. She may have a load of things on you are completely unaware of.

Empress13 · 05/08/2026 07:42

It sounds to me like your colleagues realise that favouritism is going on with you and maybe your manager has been spoken to ? as PP asked are others picking up your workload after you leave early?

rookiemere · 05/08/2026 07:45

It sounds like there is something else going on in her life that’s causing her to be different, plus the ripples of you changing your shifts. Unfortunately other colleagues will see this as favouritism and it has changed the dynamic.

Likeiloveyou · 05/08/2026 07:48

Yes I think your manager has been complained about for showing you favouritism.

gingerandpeppermint · 05/08/2026 07:48

ALovelyPinkUnicorn · 05/08/2026 07:39

What happens in the last 1.5 hrs you leave? Are others having to pick up the work or do you complete next day?

When i say I leave early - Its cos I'm allowed to start early, theres never any workload to be picked up

OP posts:
siomnascattoy · 05/08/2026 08:11

Likeiloveyou · 05/08/2026 07:48

Yes I think your manager has been complained about for showing you favouritism.

This.

ALovelyPinkUnicorn · 05/08/2026 08:12

my manager however always seemed to have my back when this colleague would jokingly bring it up and I felt protected. I understand everyone has a knife in their back pocket in a corporate environment but I genuinely feel I can trust my manager.
maybe she’s fed up with always having to be the guard dog?
as pp she’s likely got a lot of work on and can’t keep intervening?
why can’t you just say “look Jan my hours and mine and none of your business”.

squirrelchops2 · 05/08/2026 08:19

How is it favouritism when OP has had her contract officially changed? It isn't as if the manager is just letting her go early every day?

MushMonster · 05/08/2026 08:29

Guessing here, but the firing of a manager with poor boundaries may be at heart. Your manager may have had a telling off to all of them from HR. Someone may have mentioned favouritism towards you, in particular. Just, keep working hard, keep it professional. HR will likely be keeping a close eye on what is going on. I would act very professionally in these times and keep supporting my manager, even if they are not being their usual. Now, if it continues beyond the month, then I would revisit the matter.

Gwenna · 13/08/2026 01:43

gingerandpeppermint · 05/08/2026 07:35

I've been working in a company now for almost 4 years. I work in insurance managing claims and take up to 50 calls per day. I will be honest. The professionalism of our management has been hideous. Half of the managers are very chummy with all of us , the other half backstabbing, phoney and fake (our department is made up of around 50 employees but we all have separate teams. Ours is extremely close-knit and made up of ten people). Staff turnover is as high as a skyscraper but the money is decent.

As far as im aware, I've always been liked. I find it hard to make friends normally in work places as I'm socially awkward drenched in anxiety however, I hit it off with so many people here. Me & my team go out drinking every few weeks and confide in eachother. My main manager for the last 3 years has been warm, having banter, professional and even sometimes showed a sprinkle of favouritism towards me. We have never felt too comfortable enough to be "friends" but she frequently let's me go early on a weekend, gives me tasks to do which give me a better rep and is constantly calling me my name by short or "hun". I am 33, she 53.

The last two weeks I noticed a few in my team are off with me. No inside jokes nor friendliness, just putting on a smile and seemingly saying what they think they should say.

The only thing I can think which ive done wrong is requesting that I work up until 730pm as opposed to 9pm due to it damaging my mental health (our hours suck - i live in the city and walking home around 930 in the winter was terribly anxiety inducing). I requested this with the scheduling team one yr ago and they surprisingly offered me a renewed contract to finish latest at 730. My manager warned me never to mention this to my other colleagues as the entitlement would be removed.
We have a lovely but non-filtered team member who is hard working but has no filter and I've noticed she caught on that my shift pattern was earlier than anyone else's. She told me "I know its not your fault but its a bit unfair babe". Ive been friends with this colleague for 3 years. I haven't been able to confirm this in fear of it being removed but understand the others are probably finding this very entitled behaviour.

My manager however always seemed to have my back when this colleague would jokingly bring it up and I felt protected. I understand everyone has a knife in their back pocket in a corporate environment but I genuinely feel I can trust my manager.

Last week my manager was happy, kind, warm and even opening up to me as I helped her with a few extra tasks whilst our deputy was away. I felt proud and recognised and even came out of my introverted shell with other managers.
However, Monday I noticed she was slightly off; she appeared stressed and I thought it was due to another manager getting sacked on Friday after a good 15 years there. He was extremely flirty with women and friendly with his male team mates. I believe it had something to do with this. But yesterday was next-level. She clocked me and kept looking over at me observing, no talking. There was no name shortening nor friendly banter. I asked for help on multiple things and she was buried in her screen avoiding eye contact and acted very irritated with me.
I decided to ignore this and keep my head down but what hurt was that she was lovely with everybody else, joking, talking about non work things. Every attempt I made to join in was dismissed and she was hot & cold.

Lastly, I'll say that today there's a colleague who has a birthday. She invited a few of us out after work, she asked our manager who she gets on with really well as theyre the same age. My manager turned to me at the end of the horror shift yesterday and said
"Are you going to the drinks tomorrow?". I immediately felt this was a very weird dynamic ; my manager clearly feels uncomfortable as we both would never go out drinking. I didnt know the right thing to say but mumbled something about not going and she said "well yeah..its a Wednesday isnt it, i don't think many will show up to be honest. I might swerve it".. her last words were "Ok lovely. I'll speak to you tomorrow".

I feel nauseated, headachy, confused, scared at this entire behaviour. Im scared my career is in jeopardy as I've had a manager behave similarly only to dismiss me (this was due to illness however as I was in hospital).
Is it a shift in dynamic ? Is it my colleagues?
How do I go about this?

i think your colleagues need to grow up, and your manager needs to grow a spine and own her decision-making. It’s also none of your colleagues’ business if a change was made to your contract for health and wellbeing reasons. You have the scheduling team to back that up as well.

It could very well be that there is something going on that has nothing to do with you or the hours situation, but if it is to do with that they’re all pathetic and you might want to consider moving on if they’re going to be like that over a contractual change for your wellbeing. Call ACAS for advice about your rights in this situation just in case.

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