We have been struggling financially for a long time. My husband has his own farming business and does some estimating on the side for construction companies. I worked as a full time teacher and we have 3 kids. They also compete in sport nationally and internationally particular the eldest who is on an elite pathway which is where a lot of our money has been spent. My husband has mainly sheep which he grazes in various fields near by as well as having a farm tenancy where he manages the land making it more sustainable. He has grants to improve it by adding hedging and putting up fencing. The construction side has been up and down and is not always reliable. He will either have lots to do or nothing at all. Then he is waiting for money. Cash flow is often a problem. waiting at least 2 months for his money sometimes. My salary is a set amount each month. I have also been trying to do extra tutoring to supplement it.
He has spent at over10 years if not more building his farming business up which is his passion having grown up in farming. He has spent a lot of time and work with his business and would kill him to give this up! He said he couldn't go and work back in a office. It would effect his mental health. In this time, he has also built up lots of debt and is reliant on borrowing each month. I also have a couple of loans and some credit cards. We can't borrow anymore and my dad has also given me money from early inheritance.
He was a senior estimator for a various construction companies when we met. Then decided to go freelance and build up his farming business.
We had to pay the rent yesterday which has hardly left us with anything for the rest of the month. Still got things to pay and behind on council tax, VAT etc.
We talked about him selling some sheep. (He has approximately 160) to get some money in. He complained that whenever he sells animals instead of it going into the business it is used on bills. Then he has to build them up again. He has had to sell equipment and his vehicle before, to pay for things. He has sold sheep and cows in the past too.
He got really cross with me last night and I feel like I'm to blame. He said he will have to go and work in London as an estimator as that is where the money is and we won't see him because the hours are long. 'If I'm not dead by then'. he added. 'You can go on your holidays then!' (We had talked about other people having holidays and I might have made some comment that it would be nice to go on holiday and when people come back to work they will be talking about their holidays). He told me I will have to do all the school runs. We will have to get rid of the dog as we have a border collier. He has arrangements to look after cows and a possible wool production in the pipeline. That will have to be cancelled.
I told him there are other jobs not in London. He had been looking to apply for a countryside job. Less salary so wouldn't cover all the bills but would be regular income. He could then try and do some estimating alongside. He also contacted a local farm who was looking for a farm manager. He is waiting to hear back. This was before last night.
Before we went to bed, he said I have sent my cv off to the agency and added sheep for sale. I said I don't know what you want me to do. We need some money to come in. He usually pays the rent but he only could pay £400 and I had to pay the rest which leaves me short to pay my bills etc
He also refers to my Dad who has suggested that Mark should get a proper job. We only have 1 car at the moment as well so I've been restricted as to where I can go. He has been using it for his animals. His car got written off due to the bumper and the money got spent on other things.
Just to add to this, my Dad is in hospital with severe delirium after being readmitted a couple of weeks ago. I had to help look after him before this as my brother who lives nearby was finding it difficult to manage and thought I should help and do my share!
I'm crying as I write this and I don't know who to talk to. I have friends but again it is choosing the correct person who has some understanding of the farming side and how difficult it is for my husband to give this all up. Also my kids are very supportive of what he does and they don't want him to give it up either. What do I do??? I just feel bad and I don't know what will happen to him if he does get a full time job.