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Original poster

going back to work AND attatchmentish parenting? Am i kidding myself??? HELP+++

22 replies

cosima · 26/06/2008 07:31

I have been a very hands on (nay clingy) parent with my PFB. I BF on demand, he wakes up every 2 hours in the night and i feed him back to sleep, he's never had a bottle, (although I am training him to drink form a cup) he seems to be allergic to formula.....
Anyway I am going back to work in september, (he'll be 6.5 mths) two days per week. His dad is going to look after him, feeding him solids and small amounts of exBM in a cup.
I'm worried that he will feel abandoned firstly, and secondly is this a really bad time when he also has to get used to weaning?

His dad works really long hours and shifts, so although he's hands on when he's here there is not an opportunity to try this out, or have3 much of a practise/routine going.

OP posts:
Original poster
cosima · 26/06/2008 07:34

also my dh is then having to do his full time job (head chef) in the rest of the days, ie every weekend every night etc. He is always exhausted as it is.

I'm the main earner so we need the money

OP posts:
Original poster
cosima · 26/06/2008 08:09

bump

OP posts:
ssd · 26/06/2008 08:13

cosima, he won't feel abandoned, don't worry about that. he'll get to know his dad better try him with a bottle again, I don't know if he'll get enough from a cup, esp if his dad is nervous giving him it.

Original poster
cosima · 26/06/2008 08:16

how much milk will he drink during the day? He's a snacker on the breast and only seems to have small amounts

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colditz · 26/06/2008 08:18

Make sure your baby is used to being left on his own with his dad, or it could be quite a shock to the system. You will probably find that he barely notices your absence.

You are no more abandoning him than his dad does daily.

colditz · 26/06/2008 08:19

At 6 months old, if you feed him in the morning and in the evening and leave as much ebm as you can, he will be fine with that and water with meals.

colditz · 26/06/2008 08:20

ps if he will be 6.5 months in september, that makes him 3 months now, yes? He will be a different baby, and you will be a much more relaxed mother by then. Don't panic.

Anna8888 · 26/06/2008 08:21

tbh, I would be more worried about the relationship with your DH and how you are going to maintain it than about your DS

colditz · 26/06/2008 08:24

Anna, she's only working 2 days a week, I think her husband will cope without her.

I was going to mention that, actually, but the op is not going back full time, just 2 days.

Anna8888 · 26/06/2008 08:27

But it sounds from the OP as if her DH will be working all the time that she is at home...

EffiePerine · 26/06/2008 08:31

cosima: I went back when DS was 6 months, still bf and waking every 2 hours at night. It was hard on me, less so on him! The fact that you're leaving him with his dad is great (we did this as well, then used a CM from about 9 months) and you'll prob find he develops his own routines with the baby.

I'd think about how YOU are going to manage with going back to work - do you have somewhere clean and comfortable to express? Can you take regular breaks (NB: if you;re still bfing your company should allow you to have regualr rests).

Also, plan a nice treat for your first week, whether it's meeting a friend for lunch (eating without babies is a revelation!) or shopping (again, without the buggy) or whatever. Hope it all goes well

colditz · 26/06/2008 08:31

No it doesn't, it states clearly that she is "going back to work in September, (he'll be 6.5 months) two days per week"

I missed it the first time too, though, and had to wipe my first post.

colditz · 26/06/2008 08:32

I did this with the ex, but we did it 5 and 6 days a week. I wouldn't advise it - in hindsight ds1 should have gone to a childminder, but it works well part time.

Anna8888 · 26/06/2008 08:34

My understanding (though the OP isn't very clear) is that the OP's DP does a very full-time job ("his dad works really long hours and shifts...") and that the OP is going back to work during her DP's time off.

Which is why I wonder how they will maintain their relationship (not how the DP will manage without her).

Original poster
cosima · 26/06/2008 08:43

thanks for all your tips. Just to clarify, I will be going back 2 days 8 - 4.15. my dh will be at home on those 2 days, so when i get back from work i will see him, but he will prolly have to catch up on sleep. He will then work from 7 in the morning till midnight on the other four days (inc saturday) then we will all have sunday together.

The relationship will be okay I hope as we are both pretty placid and rational and pulling together.

we are on a waiting list for a nursery. I just worry about lo feeling destressed esp. with the eating, and also my dh being so knackered and his ability to cope. He is in bed now after doing a double shift yesterday' looking like a zombie and if it was september I would have left an hour ago. luckily my ds is asleep at the moment

OP posts:
Original poster
cosima · 26/06/2008 08:47

effie - your post reassured me, thanks, Was hoping that I wouldn't have to express at work as I work with excluded teenagers so not much privacy / no staff room etc.

hoping to express each evening and do a morning feed and prolly loads of night feeds then some solids and a bit of milk in the day

OP posts:
EffiePerine · 26/06/2008 08:48

Have some practice runs before you start work (also gives you a chance to have some time off!). If it doesn't look practical, maybe look into other childcare options, like a childminder or nannyshare?

EffiePerine · 26/06/2008 08:49

well, I stopped expressing at about 10 months. If you're feeding a lot (and I still was at 6 months0 you'll prob be pretty uncomfortable if you can't at least hand express a bit of milk regularly. You do have a right to ask for facilities for expressing - is there no way you could use a first aid room for example( this is that I did)?

jelliebelly · 26/06/2008 08:50

I think your ds will be fine but I would be more concerned about dh and how he will cope with having to look after a 6 month old when it sounds like he works such long hours. Could you find another nursery or childminder to use until a place comes up at the nursery you are on the waiting list for?

Original poster
cosima · 26/06/2008 09:03

this is what I think too. I'm trying to persuade him to let me take another 3 months off. It will mean that we will have to spend our only savings just to scrape by, but he says he can cope and wants to do it. I think he thinks I just go on mumsnet, go for a walk and sing a few songs each day

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Original poster
cosima · 26/06/2008 18:00

effie - did your lo take a cup or a bottle while you were at work?

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findtheriver · 27/06/2008 16:46

I think it's a great opportunity for your ds's father to get more attached to his son! I would echo the concerns about how worn out he's going to be with the hours he's working, but it sounds as though you're thinking that through.

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