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I’m lost and losing direction

11 replies

SparklyBrickViper · 28/06/2026 13:09

I don’t really know where to start or what I even want from this thread.

I have previously posted about massive issues when I was promoted to a post and just couldn’t get the team to work with me. I subsequently asked for a managed move and I’m still waiting for that to happen. In the meantime someone has been recruited into my post - so I’m classed as displaced. Consequently I’ve been placed into a post (which will cease to exist in May 27, until either a managed move is actioned, or I am “displaced” for a second time when the job ends and I go through whatever process is agreed for everyone else displaced at this time) so that I have “something” to do.

I don’t have a Team to manage, and the gist of this role is to set up a stakeholder group and manage what is produced from a procurement exercise. I’ve been in the post since mid-June and have absolutely no idea what I’m supposed to be doing. I’ve drafted terms of reference, spent hours reading legislation and “guidance” but the reality is I’m attending meetings where everyone seems to have lots of “ideas and opinions” but very little clear direction. I however appreciate at me level I should be setting that direction but I honestly haven’t got a clue what to do. Being completely honest I’m also not in the right mindset to fling myself into anything all guns blazing knowing I might be moving to another post in a month or 10 months at the most. This isn’t really like me - normally I’m someone who looks for work, always gets things done, and meets deadlines.

I’m home alone today, and instead of enjoying the peace and pottering around in the kitchen, I’m actually just sofa rotting absolutely dreading the thought of another week starting tomorrow. I work hybrid but have avoided going into the office for the last month because at least in my home office I can listen to an audio book as I stare blankly at a screen.

The last 12 months have been professionally the most difficult of my life. I am exhausted, and physically/mentally drained.

For the last four years I have been supporting my mother through cancer and at Christmas time that progressed to palliative treatment. As a consequence of that I am also now responsible for caring for my grandmother (my mother’s mother), as my mother is unable too.
In January I caused a car accident, writing off two cars (nobody was injured thank god) because I momentarily lost concentration driving. I am finding it impossible to concentrate on most things, and the reality is I’m just not interested in most things either. Every day I just need to get up, get through it and keep going until Friday rolls around. The weekends are my time to do everything from batch cooking to washing, changing beds and all the usual life admin. Adding in hospital appointments, drop off to treatment, prescription collection etc, etc.

Currently my mother is “well” and the palliative treatment is doing what it should. Obviously I know things will get worse and I’m desperately trying not to take time off so that when things do get worse I will need to assess my options.

For my current role I have no experience of procurement and no contacts to call on. Setting up a group really doesn’t need to be that difficult but I’m finding myself paralysed by fear of doing something wrong, whilst consequently feeling like I couldn’t give a shit if it does.

I have always been classed as a high performer. In my role before all of this started I was the go to person to get things done. I also loved my job and I took pride in it. I’m no longer that person.

I’m not in a position to resign and too young to retire. My marriage is a disaster so no support at home, and I carry the financial burden. If I looked for a new job I honestly couldn’t even know what to look for.

I just need some help in setting some direction for getting something done and getting through the day.

OP posts:
Pockett · 28/06/2026 13:48

I think you need to spend today brushing off your cv and getting hunting for a new role

it sounds like potentially you may be forced to in the near future anyway so get ahead

SparklyBrickViper · 28/06/2026 14:01

@Pockett civil service role, so that is unlikely but thank you anyway.

OP posts:
Pockett · 28/06/2026 14:02

SparklyBrickViper · 28/06/2026 14:01

@Pockett civil service role, so that is unlikely but thank you anyway.

Well that’s a bit a depressing

well then for your own equality of life!

what are you actually doing all day? Are you busy? Or largely twiddling thumbs?

topcat2014 · 28/06/2026 14:05

What is the actual technical skill you use in your job?
That must have a market value somewhere.

You only get one life - don't wish it away in CS because of pension, or suchlike.

SunnySunnyDayz · 28/06/2026 14:12

I'm in CS, I see a lot of roles like you describe, someone senior somewhere wants to show they're bring proactive and they don't much care about the outcome.

I'd say you need to identify the most powerful voices amongst your stakeholders, speak to them about direction and turn draft a proposal. Even if everyone hates it it'll get you closer to knowing what they do want.

But otherwise don't wait for a managed move, look at the vacancies and supply.

Viviennemary · 28/06/2026 14:16

You've been through a tough time. But I think it sounds like you need a fresh start with a different company.

SometimesThingsHappen · 28/06/2026 14:27

You're going through a really rough time. I'm sorry that's happening to you.

Is there any chance of getting signed off on stress leave for a bit? That might help you spend some time with your Mum & support your grandmother. And maybe attend some counseling to help you figure out what to do with your marriage and job.

Wishing you all the best to get you through this tough period in your life.

cheezncrackers · 28/06/2026 15:16

You sound depressed and burnt out to me, which is not surprising given what is going on both in your personal and professional lives. You've been dumped in a professional cul-de-sac, while they try and find you something else, and meanwhile you're coping with a failing marriage, a dying DM and an elderly GM. Honestly OP, that's a tough row to hoe for anyone.

Echoing the PP above - can you get signed off work for a bit, perhaps go on anti-Ds (if you aren't already), and just give yourself some breathing space to figure out what you want to do and perform a bit of much needed self care? It doesn't sound like you'll be letting anyone down at work if you go off for a bit, since you aren't actually doing anything, and taking away the pressure of pretending to be productive when you have no idea what you're doing would, I'm sure, help your mental health, if nothing else Flowers

LittleGungHo · 28/06/2026 16:12

Watch the Ted talk on Squiggle Carrers. Their website has lots of free resource to support you in your next pivot.

good luck

MrsCristoforou · 28/06/2026 20:22

@SparklyBrickViper I empathise. This is what I'd do:

  • Contact your Dept's EAP and ask for counselling. They'll likely do an assesment over the phone and will try to suggest you use an app or similar for CBT. Repeat very clearly that you need to talk to a human and that that is what will benefit you. Most Depts have an EAP agreement that offers ca. 6 sessions of online counselling.
  • Check to see if your Dept has a Mental Health Support Network and see what it offers. There may well be weekly peer-led sessions you can attend. My experience of these is that you don't need to turn camera on or contributing you don't want to (usually there's a way to share feelings anonymously), but they can be invaluable.
  • Find a sympathetic senior and explain how you feel - ideally your LM but if not your LM, then their LM or someone else higher up the tree. Ask what support they can provide and how they can help you through this period.
  • Start a page of thoughts/ideas/brainstorming about your current worries, whether related to work or not. Just write things down.
  • Separately, start a list of steps to take in this project to move things forward. These can be (and I can't stress these enough) extremely low level/basic. At the moment your brain is in fight or flight mode and I suspect you're catastrophising. This makes it unbelievably difficult to see a way forward. IME the only way forward is through, so you need to work towards seeing your work as nothing more than a series of steps you need to work through. (Counselling will help here.)
  • Try if you can to think about this project as something you need to steer yourself and others through, rather than as a series of neverending problems that you alone need to solve.

You aren't alone ❤️

SparklyBrickViper · 28/06/2026 20:27

Thank you for the sound advice.

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