Boss has put me in a very difficult position

[mamiguay]

I work for a very small company, I work all year round and my colleague works on a freelance basis in the summer. She has worked with us for 3 summers now. I should also mention here that she is one of my closest friends.

She has always been hired on the understanding of it being for so many months although of course, as she is freelance really the work can finish whenever.

Now my boss has decided to scale down the work we take on. She mentioned to me a while ago that she was considering letting my colleague go. I asked her not to involve me just because of my private relationship with this woman. I asked her to not discuss it with me and certainly not to tell me she was definitely going to do it prior to telling my friend, she said fine.

Well today she came to the office while my friend was out and said she had decided to let her go but won't tell me when. My friend will be gutted. I feel like my boss has put me to some kind of loyalty test to her vs my friend and I don't know what to do.

I want to just tell my friend. But I know she will understandly be very upset and will immediately take it up with my boss who will be very pissed at me.

Sorry it's long, can anyone help me on this?? I am the main breadwinner in my family and can't afford to piss my boss off but I dont want to lose my friend.

I personally would keep quiet and NEVER admit to your friend that you knew. This is a no win situation for you - if you tell your friend she will resent you knowing before she was told.
If you don't tell then admit you knew after she will resent you for not telling.

I would keep absolutely quiet - but your boss shouldn't have put you in this situation!

Sorry you're in this situation and it's very unprofessional of your boss.

However if your friend is a freelancer then she has no right to expect continued employment anyway! That's the whole point.

She might be upset but that's nothing to do with you at all.

I agree with fymandbean - never say anything to your friend and don't let her know that you know.

I don't think it's so terribly unprofessional of the boss tbh. It's nothing to do with her whether the OP is friends with this woman or not - I'm sure she doesn't give a toss.

OP - keep it to yourself. If you think you will lose your friend over this then don't tell her you ever knew.

it is unprofessional because the two ladies are co-workers and boss needs to tell the friend she is redundant before it ever gets mentioned to co-workers.

With redundancy in my previous job My boss decided in consultation with me and my colleague (managers of the two to be made redundant) then did the deed, then told other managers and staff - that's the professional way to do it.

I think you might be overthinking it tbh. I don't think it's necessarily unprofessional of your boss depending on the situation and the nature of your relationship. If this person were not a friend of yours, would it be usual and normal for her to inform you about this business decision?

If so, then it's not unprofessional of her to do so now. I have to say that on the other hand you telling your friend something like this which has been told to you in confidence would be very unprofessional. Yes, you are in a difficult position, but under no circumstances is telling your friend a good idea.

If your friend is a reasonable person and a good friend to you, you won't lose her because of this - part of the nature of her job as has been pointed out.

Wow, clear as mud.. but I kind of expected that, the real problem here is that I do see all sides of the argument.

1. I am very much in my boss' confidence and my friend would never believe I didn't know something like this so I wouldn't even try to lie.

1. My friend is a very volatile person and I doubt very much she would be understanding of the difficulty of my position.

1. I am her supervisor so it is entirely reasonable that in that capacity my boss told me

1. However she did say she appreciated my position and because of this, would not tell me when this was imminent.

We both knew she was going to do it, it was a tacit understanding that it was most likely, in all probability etc etc going to happen and I could have conceivably told my friend I didn't know. I feel really annoyed at my boss for explicitly stating it because I feel like she did it just to stir it up.

I think I'm just going to talk to my boss about it, explain how I feel and see if there's some way we can resolve it to some degree of satisfaction all round. Pfffffffffffttt.

Can you give your friend some freelance contacts elsewhere? Between you and your boss, do you know of any other possible empolyers for her?

I agree you must say nothing to the friend - it is your boss's job, that's why she is the boss. She might even change her mind at the last minute, or change the timing, so you telling your friend that redundancy is imminent is far too risky.

Once your friend is told the news, you can offer to help her find other work, give her some contacts if possible.

You say she is very volatile - this is not good for anyone in a working situation. Is her redundancy partly because of this?

it's mainly financial as my boss just wants to make cutbacks. It doesn't help that she is (boss' words) 'a feisty little thing' and is hard to direct. This and the fact that she is my friend have basically prevented me from being as effective as her supervisor as I should be and this is another issue that my boss and I have discussed and know to be true.

My working side knows she has to let her go. My friend side knows she loves the job, needs the money, and will be very upset when this happens.

FWIW It wasn't me that said my boss was being unprofessional, I don't actually think she has been. I just don't appreciate the position I find myself in.

If your boss is making cutbacks you have to play very safe and not say anything, as you don't want your boss to get cross with you - especially if the business is not doing so well.

Your friend cannot prove you knew - she can only suspect.( Unless your boss tells her she told you, which would be horrible. If and when you friend is given the bad news, the best you can do is help her look to the future and help her find some other work IMO.

mamiguay in your last post you state that your friend would never believe you didn't know, but then further down you say you could have conceivably told her you didn't know.

If you are her supervisor there is no way this decision should be made without your knowledge. If your boss hadn't told you (even though it was at your request) your friend would not have believed you didn't know anyway, I am sure, as it seems so unlikely given the circumstances that you wouldn't be aware.

It is difficult supervising people who are also your friend, particularly if they were your friend already when starting employment. It's even more difficult when the fact that you are supervising someone means you have to make (or be party to) difficult decisions. You know all this, obviously.

I think it sounds as though you have perhaps other reasons for thinking your boss told you to 'stir it up', certainly nothing you've said so far indicates that was her intention I'd say.

I'm sorry you are in this situation and it's very hard. But I don't think the question of whether to tell your friend is really to be considered - it's very clear to me that that's really not an option, or shouldn't be. More important is how to handle the situation when your friend is told by your boss.

I think you will need to have a conversation with her once she has been told, say you are sorry this has happened, you were of course aware, as her supervisor, but you are sure she understands that it had to be [name of boss] who informed her at the appropriate moment, as it was her decision. You understand she is upset and would understand if she feels angry towards you but you hope she understands the purely business motivation behind [name of boss]'s decision and you will do everything to help her find alternative work.

Of course the conversation won't go like that, but basically you need to let her be angry and upset, make sure she is clear that it was a business decision and nothing personal, offer her your support and help when she is ready to take it. And don't criticise your boss in any way.

Very true, if you are actually her supervisor, then normally you would expect to be told if an employee you supervise is being made redundant. And your freind would know this. How informal is your business? Does it follow normal business rules?

If you are sure that your boss would have told you in a business sense then of course you have to be honest with your friend, as flowerybeanbag so rightly says, but only after your boss has told her the news IMO.

yeah I know, I think over the course of the evening as I've been playing it out I do know telling her is not an option and I'll just have to find a way to explain my position. And she'll eventually understand or she won't. As if it were as cut and dry though..

flowerybeanbag - what I meant is that maybe I couldn't tell an outright lie but if my boss had said she was thinking about letting her go but hadn't decided, I could have plausibly (to myself at least) have said I didn't know it was going to happen. I could have justified it to myself at least.

The whole situation from start to finish has been a lesson about working with friends. I had doubts when she said she was interested in the job and I overrode them because of how much I knew she wanted it. I felt like I'd be a bad friend to 'sabotage' her by telling my boss at the start I didnt think it was a good idea. I will definitely know for next time.

I think I was wrong to suspect my boss of stirring. I actually am starting to think she told me as warning because she was planning to do it immediately. I guess I'll know whether I'm right about that soon enough.