Feeling uncomfortable about my predecessor still attending workplace events

[Hoppity80]

I started a new job about a year ago - really enjoying it and great team. Have v good feedback.Some of my peers have been there a long while and took a bit to warm up to me, and went on about how they don’t like change etc.

My predecessor was there for a several years before me and left about a year ago. They were very good and clearly loved by the whole team. They are also very nice and I like them.

They still regularly meet with members of the team out of work. I don’t get invited and would never expect to as they are good friends.

However recently they have started coming to internal work events held in the office. The first, I didnt mind. Now they have been to a couple and are going to a staff party! They left more than a year ago. They also have a good catch up with my manager while they are there and other senior leaders. My colleagues invite them along!

I am not going to say anything but am starting to feel a bit uncomfortable - although I actually don’t think there is actually any negative intention.
How should I handle, if at all? A bit worried that if I say something it will only backfire?

I think just stop thinking of them as your predecessor? You have been there a year now. They are just a person who I guess works in a similar industry to you. I would honestly just be warm and polite to them, as if they were a contractor or something.

Unless there is something in particular that you are concerned about

I can see why it makes you feel uncomfortable and to be honest it's bloody weird. Did they not move onto a new role? It's one thing to still meet old colleagues outside of work but why would they attend staff parties or events when they no longer work there.

There isn't much you can do other than a polite smile but it's definitely not usual behaviour.

Aside from your own discomfort (which I am not minimising, completely understandable), is this causing any issues in terms of your work? Do the team act as if they wish your predecessor was still there?

I guess my concern comes from the fact there has been a lot of change in the org recently. And actually we’re finding our way as a team and I’m still establishing myself in it. That has been more challenging because of everything that has happened. It has been a very quiet and a slightly depressed vibe for a while! Then when old colleague makes an appearance there is a lot of nostalgia and ruminations afterwards!
To be clear noone else has people who used to do their jobs coming to work events. It just feels a tiny bit disrespectful.
Obviously I wouldn’t say any of this publicly!

I can't quite imagine how they are attending 'work events' ?

I can't imagine why they would want to either, but that aside, what are these 'events' that they are just turning up to ?
How do they get in the building ?
How do they know when they are?
Why does no-one say "We're about to start the meeting, so if people who aren't part of it can leave now" ?

Parties / social events / friends leaving do or birthdays - fine - up to the people going / arranging it as to who they want to invite, but not at a meeting / training course / conference or whatever.

I don’t think you can ‘handle’ it or do anything at all really. Just be pleasant to them. It’s a bit odd that they are still clinging on like that after a year but I think it would backfire on you if you attempted to make them stop.

In my last job, all the old sweats were invited to Christmas parties, birthdays, leaving dos etc. Didn't matter if you quit or retired. A few came to everything.

I found it weird and have only been back for two leaving dos in 7 years because they were my trainees going off to brilliant jobs!

It's just a thing in some places.

Work parties and things like that - not weird, they're friends.
Work meetings - yes, weird.

You are going to have to stop viewing them as your predecessor, and just as someone who used to work for the company. You can’t say anything, as you will look jealous and resentful and it will hugely damage you.

i also find it odd as hell. I’ve never seen such a thing. Except a micro example where someone left and we had a team meeting for 3 days in their country and they turned up all 3 nights to have a drink with us. First night was lovely, second night I thought, hmm ok, third night I recall side eyeing them and thinking really, all 3 nights?

Absolute weirdo! Who does that?!

To respond to a few questions they are work parties but held in the office as formal events and attended by senior leaders. My colleagues let them in.

Today I got regaled again over lunch about how ex employee was apparently the second coming!

Some other big wig who I don’t work with but my predecessor did - also occasionally randomly shouts at me in passing about how I have big shoes to fill!

From what I can see, predecessor was perfectly nice and was decent at job but so am I!
i think backstory is that they were somewhat a favourite of now departed v senior boss which gave them a bit of a legendary status.
Anyway no plans to say anything - am treating it as vaguely amusing. There is room enough for both of us to be great!

Sounds like they're still emotionally attached to their job and ex-colleagues and need to feel part of something. Maybe they haven't yet found their feet in retirement or a new role?
I meet up twice a year with old colleagues from 5 yrs ago for lunch (some have new jobs, others have retired). We all get on well but have all moved on. Some are definitely friends, others less close and more like ex-colleagues.
Maybe ask what their interests are now theyre not working with your team?

This is like David Brent keep turning up in The Office after he’d been made redundant 😆
I can understand why it would irritate you. Be coolly polite and hopefully as time goes on the individual will become irrelevant, as the original colleagues leave and are replaced with new people.

Why did they leave?

I think I’d feel uncomfortable aswell OP . Not sure what the answer is though .

Well they did turn up again - they are between jobs and have lots of time on their hands. To be honest slightly annoyed at colleagues - who see them a lot anyway! But didn’t let it show 😁 They are clearly very loved.

It is weird, and quite hurtful if people keep banging on about how great they are! It reminds me of that episode of Frasier where he was meant to be taking over a very popular radio DJ’s slot and the guy ended up refusing to retire 😄
As pp have said, you just need to stop thinking of them as your predecessor and just think “person who used to work here”. Them coming to parties has nothing to do with you.

Lol - loving thinking of being in a Fraiser episode!

You have my sympathy OP. I’ve been through similar and found it very annoying especially the conversations between them of how good things were, and oh remember when we did this..or that. It did eventually subside but blimey it took a little longer than I’d hoped! I hope things improve for you soon.

Oh my life! I bet you’re not the only one thinking, what’s Random Old Hasbeen doing here again?! Can’t they read the room?! I’d feel like the ultimate loser if I was clinging onto my old job/colleagues so hard. Why did they leave if they love it so much????

When I first started at my place it was coming up to the Christmas party and I asked is X coming (they had left just earlier in the year) and was met with a curt 'they don't work here anymre'.

As a new person I thought that was a bit odd to not invite them when they are you friend but that was the rule. No ex employees at the socials.

So obvs OP your company is different but please try to see this person as a friend to the staff rather than just an ex employee. Try not to overthink it. It's your job now not theirs. X