Need a sense check because I’m genuinely struggling with this sorry quite a long gone but I’m going mad here
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A very close friend of mine (20+ years, not just a colleague - we’ve supported each other through divorces , family stuff, personal crises, the lot) took on a huge project for our company.
From the start I said I didn’t think he had the resources to deliver it in the timeframe he’s amazing but it was a huge ask, but I was overruled. Apparently my experience of project management didn’t count for a lot here
Over the last year I’ve spent a huge amount of time defending him, calming down frustrated people, smoothing things over with the client and generally acting as a bridge between him and everyone else. I knew there were problems because he’s been working the most insane amount of over time like beyond anything you would actually believe to a dangerous level - bu I t kept giving him the benefit of the doubt because I trusted him.
The project is now more than a month late the first delay was a disaster and it’s still touch and go whether it will finish in time for the new launch (think massive PR dinner event, press etc)
Looking back, I think he must have known much earlier that he was in trouble. If he’d been honest with me before Christmas, we could have brought in more people and potentially avoided a lot of this but whenever I asked him he played it down and just carried on
At the same time, there is a younger freelancer involved, I employed her and others to come and help. I was helping him with travel admin and saw photos on his phone by accident of them doing selfies and looking very gooey eyed and a friend saw them holding hands together outside work etc. Because they were about to be sent overseas together to finish the project - by me basically , I spoke to him and said in a nutshell whatever is going on with Jane, please keep it professional while you’re working onsite.
He completely denied there was anything going on. Was shocked that I would think that and said she’s a kid ! No way! (She’s 26 he’s 53)
Since then it’s become increasingly obvious that there is no way he can deny it
The thing is, I’m not actually most upset about the relationship itself. They’re adults. Although if I’m honest, I do feel pretty disappointed that a man I respected has turned out to be one of those middle-aged men who ends up dating someone more than half his age. I know that’s my own bias talking, but it’s there.
What I’m really upset about is the dishonesty. I feel like I’ve spent months defending him, protecting him, lending him my credibility and taking heat from other people on his behalf. All the while I was being told everything was fine when it clearly wasn’t.
The romance almost feels symbolic of the bigger issue. I asked him directly for honesty and professionalism, knowing full well what I had already seen, and he still denied it!! Although I didn’t say I knew for sure as there was still a grain of doubt and trust there
I think what has shocked me is the loss of respect. This isn’t some random colleague. This is someone I’ve loved as a friend for over 20 years and right now I feel like I don’t know him at all.
Am I being unfair, or would other people feel betrayed by this too? I mean yes I guess you probably would but on Monday I’m flying out to join him and the team for the launch and what the eff so I say?! I’m so angry!!! Sit and watch him with is new girl when I know how much a. Bad fuck up this is ! Oh and also still the project may not be finished ….