Struggling to balance two jobs and family life after cancer

[yougottaworkworkworkworkwork]

• I have two jobs that are a bit split shift, self employed in a physical role I do from home that I’ve done for approx 15 years and a public sector role that I’ve done for about 9 years. A typical day would be 8hrs office job/ 2hrs SE, or 2x SE during nursery morning then a break until DH finishes work then SE for 3hrs. The first one I work between 0-10hrs a week, earn about £20 p/h, second one I do 24hrs and earn about £16 plus pension. I started the second one as the first one wasn’t guaranteed income for proof for a mortgage/ didn’t provide a pension, sick/ mat pay or holiday pay.
• I love the first role, it fits well around family life but I don’t have time to expand the business. The second role I have come to despise, the employer are making redundancies and although mine is not at risk I am in line for fire/ rehire on less pay with less flexibility. I feel trapped in the organisation though, as I had cancer not long ago so feel I can’t move in case I become ill again.
• My main issue is I feel like I’m failing at everything. My house is a mess and in desperate need of work being done on it, I’m desperate for a second baby but am too knackered for sex, I’m so stressed about how we’d cope if I lose the flexibility of the office job, my 3 year old cries desperately for me on the nights when I’m doing my self employed role and DH shoulders a lot of the evening childcare alone. The cancer I had has left me with non stop fatigue, muscle pain and so much anger/ anxiety that I can barely commit to a straightforward decision without agonising about it or snapping at my family. I was desperate for work not to become such a dominant feature when I had kids (worked average of 50hrs a week before), I feel like it’s possibly worse now for less money!
• I don’t know where to go from here, I’m really struggling. Any advice? I’ve applied for PIP unsuccessfully so far, got a cleaner every couple of weeks etc.

I am sorry that seems really tough for you . You say that one of your jobs is public sector and they are making some redundancies . Is that across the board and I assume there is no prospect for you to get a full time job there , even if it means you moving to a different department ?
What about your DH’s job , is it possible for him to look for better paid work ?
I think you have been through a lot and need to prioritise your health , although easier said than done when the bills have to be paid .
Do you have an employee assistance programme with your employer ? If so it might be good for you to see if they will offer you some counselling .
I think it would be quite difficult to bring a new baby into the mix when you have a lot on your plate . Is that something you could put on hold for the next year , whilst your body recovers ? Can you speak to your GP about anything they can suggest for your ongoing symptoms ?
You say that you enjoy your SE job , but that it is physically demanding . Does this impact on your physical symptoms ?
It sounds also that you are in a challenging phase with your three year old ‘s sleep and that is putting further strain on you and your DH . Is there any family close by that could help with some baby sitting to give you and your DH a break ?
You aren’t failing at all these things , you have gone through a very challenging time having gone through cancer . I think you just have to look at what might give you some short term relief rather than trying to solve all your issues at once . I really hope that things improve for you soon and you take care of yourself .

How are you doing OP . Hope you have managed to get some things sorted out xxx