Tips for not caring about work so much

[Castlecould]

Hi all

Excuse the poor thread title, it’s been a week!
I’m currently feeling burnt out - single parent, additional care responsibilities, financial pressures, perimenopause, you get the drill. Had to take a day off sick this week as the stress and exhaustion led to a bit of a meltdown.
I’m planning of making a doctors appointment soon, but meantime I could really do with some strategies, recommendations for Ted Talks, or articles in not being such a perfectionist at work and disconnecting when I log off for the day.
To make things even more complicated, my role will be changing soon to cover more emotional/sensitive situations which might be hard to switch off from.

Any tips recommendations will be gratefully received.
Thanks

Try being made redundant a couple of times through no fault of your own & despite having been a model employee. That very quickly knocks any naive ideas of caring about work or being a perfectionist out of your head. From then on, you work to live. Full stop.

Check out DrSarahNicholls on Youtube, OP - she is really good on burnout and how to help yourself.

Work your hours and not a moment more. Be rigid in that. Turn off all devices linked to work and put them away - ie leave phones in the office etc.

Decline extra duties - cite no additional capacity without dropping something else. Make someone else make the decisions on what you pick up vs drop.

Take a step back from email - only check it at set times ie 9am, 1pm and 4pm

Decline meetings where your attendance is a nice to have, not a necessity. Allow others to provide updates for you at other meetings where you don't need to attend.

Yes, being made redundant taught me it doesn’t matter how much (unpaid) overtime you do, if you’re a thriving employee, or if you’re first to say ‘yes’ to everything. Some person who doesn’t even know your name can decide to delete you/your role without a second thought.

How is your manager like? Are they causing more stress, banging on about deadlines, micromanaging, making mountains out of mole hills? Or are they flexible, supportive, understanding?

A good manager can help you work this out so that if burnout is a risk, they'll help you make adjustments to improve situation. Bad managers won't help much. If you have the former kind of manager do lean on them, if not then speak with a health care professional.

My manager is good - he tells me "Don't worry, it's just work". He advises us to finish few hours early if it's been a busy week. Also he praises us for good work, so I know I've been stretching myself above and beyond (and the level I've been doing has been more than expected and I'm not expected to be like this every day or week). I think that's really helped me to avoid burnout. Appreciate not everyone is so lucky with their manager. But if your manager isn't like this, the problem is likely with them (not you!!)

And to add - please vent to someone! As a single parent I get it's hard when you don't have someone "constant" to vent to, but do you have a sibling, mother, uncle, friend, a trusted colleague, or someone to vent to? It really does help. GP can listen too :)

I agree with the redundancy posts.

While work is needed it’s just the bit that funds your actual life. Work can change in an instant, the rest of life is the real stuff.

Peakperformancewithjulia on Instagram

I would avoid venting to a colleague (however trusted they appear), they’re not impartial and anything you say may be repeated.
Also as much as it’s helpful find someone to vent to, ensure you don’t overdo it and actually feel worse (speaking from experience)!

Remember that you are just replaceable. A few bad experiences will knock this truth into you.

I go into work, am friendly with colleagues and leave on the dot of 5pm despite being on a 6 figure salary. Once I leave, I ring fence thoughts about work and never think about work and certainly don’t work at home out of hours as want to spend time with my family. It feels weird at first but you soon get used to it if you are strict with yourself. Good luck, and hope things improve for you xx

Yeah, don't overdo the venting! Otherwise work will start taking too much of your headspace. But just saying that sometimes it's good to let it all out and get an outsiders perspective.

About trusted colleagues - you know who they are if you have any. They are the ones who vent to you and who you spend time with outside of work (not just someone who you're cordial with)

Some good tips so far.

• Do any work prep for next day as soon as you get home. Then don't think about it until your alarm goes off next morning
• only work your hours and use your toil if you work extra. No sneaky checking emails etc on days off
• book leave and holidays to look forward to
• prioritise friends and hobbies in free time not random colleagues you're not close to
• go on reddit and look at work related threads for a vent. Antiwork is a good place to start
• ignore all "my job is the best and I'd be bereft without it and I also earn 7 figures" posts on mumsnet. I've never seen a more toxic work culture than in here
• don't become the person everyone whinges to at work as you'll suck up their negativity. Just be like hmm yeah oh dear to the constant whiners
• unless you work in emergency services remember nothing is a real emergency and it can take wait until the next working day
• you are replaceable so don't sacrifice yourself/ health etc to an employer that simply doesn't care
• be friendly approachable and professional with colleagues but don't mistake them for best friends unless you really do spend quality time outside of work together

I thought of another. Take advantage of quiet moments at work to have a break. It'll soon be busy as heck again and everyone needs a rest. If you find yourself with no tasks don't go rushing looking for something to fill the time. I'd do something like tidy up inbox, update calendar, read a work related article, linger over a cup of tea and break room chat. Write a shopping list, personal to do list, make a personal admin phone call to free up own time. As long as work tasks are done by the end of day/week I think it's OK.

The only time I wouldn't do this if colleagues were struggling and I knew they'd be the type to help me in a similar situation, so I use my time to help them. Although I wouldn't be picking up work of the mega slackers as that just adds to your workload and it'll become expected.

Thanks everyone, some great points and advice there. I’ve had a look at the YouTube/Instagram recommendations too and they are just what I’m looking for so much appreciated!

It's bloody hard, isn't it, OP? Something that really clicked for me recently was that I just feel like a cog in a wheel that I don't want to be in... and that, having been away and seen a different kind of life that I'd love, I didn't have anything 'new' to look forward to, to keep me going... just one aim: to get out!

Either turn your phone off, or get a second one to avoid the out-of-work-hours calls and emails (if you can).

Get everything laid out and organised the night before.

Always try to have something to look forward to, even if it's just something small like a treat at the end of the week, or an event that you have planned... and if there is someone that you can share your additional caring responsibilities for, please do, because it's draining when you're trying to juggle everything on your own.

Good luck, OP!

You are not being paid to think about work outside working hours. Being self-employed for several years and also doing some temping drummed this simple fact into me, and I learned to be able to switch my 'work' brain off.

Read the book The Subtle Art of Not Giving a Fuck by Mark Manson.

For me it was realising how little extra work I did was valued. At my place, if you “meet expectations” at your performance review you get a £150 bonus (before tax). If you “exceed expectations” you get just under £400 bonus (before tax). To get that exceeding expectations bonus you need to have been “consistently going above and beyond for the past year and doing duties suited to the grade above”.

The monthly different between the two ratings is about £12 a month after tax. That’s for working your arse off. So I don’t do it. I do my hours, I work hard during those hours, and if it doesn’t get done in those hours then I carry it forward to the next day. I finish on time every day.

I found shifting the focus helped. Waking earlier and going for a swim before work made paid employment feel secondary to my physical and mental health.

This is a great tip. Exercise is an excellent antidote to stress. Meditation also helps hugely. I do 10 mins a day before bed and get to sleep much quicker.