Complictated situation with boss and direct report

[Wonderbug81]

I'm in a senior role with a small number of direct reports plus team members.

It's been a tricky relationship with one direct report. In a few instances she's said I've said one thing (very negative feedback, particular direction) and I've said the opposite. Most of the time I've had to dig out emails to show her that's not what I meant and show her proof. In another instance she complained to my boss and the direct report backtracked half way through the conversation.

The DR is extremely hostile which isn't my usual style at all but the recent feedback in my boss's review was to be more directive and assertive with my team, so I've been trying to do that when met with hostile responses.

She then handed in her notice and has 8 weeks left and now the DR has run crying to my boss again, saying she can't work with me.

Meanwhile, another DR apparently told my boss that he didn't feel I trusted him. When I spoke to him directly about it over a coffee he said that he found it really helpful working closer with me as our projects are complex!

The culture is very different to other places I've worked. I had a great relationship with my old team and I get on well with the rest of my team at this company.

So two things:

Firstly I'm feeling like my boss is getting so involved that it's undermining me but I know she owes a duty of care to the wider team too.

Secondly, how do I manage this situation with the DR in the short term? My boss has been saying we can't lose the DR as we need to continue work on some big projects and don't yet have a new hire in place. She's also had a few other people leave her wider team for various reasons and is probably worried about optics.

Up until now my boss has been broadly happy with me but now I'm not so sure.

I have a follow up call with her to work out a plan but one suggestion she made was that both DRs report into her for now and she takes on those projects so it doesn't look weird if one stops reporting to me!

Any advice welcome. I feel too close to the situation to really now the best way forward.

What mgmt training have they provided/you done there? What project tracker systems do you use? Is the delegation of responsibility clear - eg your DR manages all day to day; you check in on a periodic basis/review output? Does your manager have oversight of these?

Saying ‘you don’t trust him’ is another way of saying he feels supervised - is he delivering well but works to his own schedule? Or youve had to point out real gaps or amended things? The project tracker would capture that factually, and your management training would support you (and your manager) in techniques for the conversations etc.

In meeting I would ask for and document mgrs understanding of DR1 behaviour and output, and what you could have done differently. It’s contradictory for management to say be ‘more assertive’ - do they mean more direct and factual, and put things in black and white on email/systems?
I would then move to DR2, again what is the commonality? Whats different about this company vs your former role?
End on the other team members who are succeeding and where you have recognised opportunity for potential and want to nurture it.