AIBU to skip a KIT day networking event while on maternity leave?

[Bluesky88]

DS is 10 months old, our first child and I'm on mat leave until he's 12.5 months. My boss has asked me to travel for a KIT day next week, which would mean being away from the baby from early morning until at least mid-to-late afternoon. I'd need to travel approx 2 hours by train, and go to a networking event.

DS is weaning well, but can have days where he breastfeeds more and eats less solid food. He's refused a bottle since around 8 weeks - while he will drink small amounts of milk from a cup, he won't reliably take a full feed and can get upset quickly if I'm not around to feed him. I've been out a few times for maybe 2-3 hours and have always had to feed him straight away when I get back. He also feeds before naps and bedtime until he's drowsy, so is quite reliant on this to unwind for a sleep at the moment.

To give an example, he's fed five times today: 7am, 9.30am, 2pm, 3.30pm and 6.15pm. If I went to the event today, he would have missed three of these feeds and would probably have been pretty upset. On other days, he'll happily go for 4 or 5 hours without a feed - it seems quite unpredictable at the moment.

DH is due to have DS for the day for the networking event. He is really encouraging, wants me to go reconnect with my colleagues and is very much a 'what's the worst that could happen' kind of person. He's happy to give DS food, snacks and milk from a cup if he'll take it, and is totally accepting that he might be cranky while I'm gone.

I really appreciate this, but am starting to think that it's not actually necessary that I go to this event. I'm still on leave, so there's really no obligation - rather that it's just a nice thing to do if it's possible. I'd love to see everyone, but wonder if it's a good idea for the longest time I've been away from DS to also be the furthest away I've ever been?! It seems like it'd just be stressful, that I wouldn't actually get much out of the event and I'd just spend the day there worrying that he needed a feed.

AIBU to not want to be so far from DS while it's all so unpredictable? I'm definitely the kind of.person who'll talk myself out of doing something if I feel a bit anxious about it, so I wonder if I'm being a bit precious - but then also wonder if I'd be causing us all a load of stress for no real reason?!

Would love some advice, thanks so much!

Assuming the baby is eating meals as well as milk, he'll be fine with less milk for 1 day. Its a good practice for when you return to work, and start nursery transition days etc. plus it's a full day pay to boost the 0 mat pay you'll be on currently

early morning until at least mid-to-late afternoon That's presumably less than a full day of work will be when you go back, so it's not an unreasonable request on that basis. But KIT days are optional so if you want to decline, do it.

I think it sounds like the perfect first kit day to be honest. It's a more relaxed environment and you won't have to focus as much as you would if you were working. I would definitely give it a try.

I think it’s the perfect time to start spending more time away and getting DS used to having other caregivers and if you will enjoy the day then definitely go. If you don’t want to go, then don’t, but it’s only 2 months til you’ll need to be away for however long you would for your full working day for however many days you work … it’ll fee less daunting to do that if you’ve had some practice runs. And if it is is something that doesn’t go well this time you will know it needs practicing/building up to a bit more than you have.

Yes this. If your DH feels comfortable then I would go. Going back to work after a whole year off can be very daunting, it was for me and I went back when both of mine were 8 months old. It would be good to see the team and get a little bit more up to speed now before you start back properly.

It will also highlight any issues you may face with your baby when you do go back, it's not that far off so a practice run would be good.

I did something similar for my KIT day and it was great. I enjoyed it more than I thought i would. I personally think you should go.

First post as always nails it

how will baby cope once back at work ?

sounds like you don’t want to leave your baby and even better you have a supportive dh saying go. He will deal with a grumpy baby

Yes I agree you need to start preparing him for longer days without you there. By the time I returned to work dd was feeding in a morning and a evening which made things a lot easier

Better to do it now than in two months, or not at all. Take the day, see your colleagues, and know that baby will be absolutely fine with dad and snacks.

Thanks all, this was the perspective I needed! I think i feel a bit anxious about it so am looking for reasons not to go - but think seeing everyone would be great, and it'll be less formal than a proper work day. Thanks for all the advice ❤️