Please help me manage my micro-manager

[EamonnFyre]

Just that really. I have been working in a new role for just over a year. My manager is the CEO’s PA and she has never managed anyone before. She is micro-managing me so much that I’m ready to go off sick.
She’s been horrible since Christmas and I thought I’d found a way of not letting her get to me but this week has just about finished me off. She gives me little jobs to do. Ones she doesn’t like or thinks are beneath her, mainly. She’s the boss, she can do that and that’s fine but she then checks everything I do and picks up on the minutiae. Today she’s pulled me up as there aren’t enough earl grey tea bags in the spare storage in the board’s kitchen. Dozens available for them to select from the box of fancy teas but none in the spare storage drawer. Ffs! Like people are going to die because they might have to have a normal tea next Wednesday!
What I want to say is ‘since you go round checking at this level of detail you might as well do the actual job as you’ll never be happy with the way I do it’ but I’d like it to be less blunt and appear more constructive than that.
FWIW I have previously worked in the same business at a middle management level with a small team of my own so I don’t think it’s because my skills are lacking but it’s starting to affect my confidence being nitpicked all the time. I just want to tell her to back off really.
Would be interested to hear any wisdom, even if it’s just to be told to suck it up as she’s the boss as that will prompt me to go elsewhere as her position directly into the ear of the CEO would mean I would never ‘win’ any argument.

Is there any way of lowering your direct contact with her? Eg work from home.. plug in earphones.. do all tasks come directly from her? It’s horrible when you feel you’ve being watched all the time.

The nature of my role means that I have to be on site, sadly. We literally have an hour long meeting a week and the rest of the time she communicates entirely by email or teams. So she has a record of what she’s said to me, I think. I have never not done any of the jobs she’s asked me to do and, other than asking for clarification, I never complain or comment on the fact that she picks holes in everything. I think she thinks I’m an idiot.

Clearly no one is going to die because you’ve run out of Earl Grey but it is one of those small niggles which if the agenda for the board meeting is tense, could be important to the CEO. I’ve known there to be ructions about room lay out, lunch menu, etc when our company’s board meets so the CEO might have asked her to double check all was in hand. Unfortunately for you, it wasn’t.

If part of your role is literally to ensure the board kitchen is stocked with certain refreshments, why would you think it’s nitpicking to expect you to have checked something as mainstream as Earl Grey tea in advance of a board meeting?

What changed at Christmas that she's started beinf horrible to you?

I think you have to find another job, sorry. I've worked with people like this and nothing you do or say will make any difference. She doesn't think you're an idiot, she probably feels threatened by your intelligence and her only coping mechanism is pathetic little power trips. Sorry OP, it's a nightmare.

@Katrinawavesi think this is down to standards really. I think that 50 earl grey tea bags available for 5 board members a week is plenty, given that there are 5 other options. She wants another 50 to one side. Because I do this job each week I know that maybe 5 have gone. So really 5 is like 10 weeks stock and the chances of us running out are extremely slim.
@ChavsAreReal I asked to leave early on Christmas Eve when I was literally the last person in the building because everyone else had left early. She was working from home.

@Beachtasticyes that’s what I’m beginning to think. That I’ll need to leave.

Oh god I feel your pain op. I’m being micromanaged after 5 years of above average performance and performance related bonuses but apparently I need her to design me a slide deck and micromanage my spreadsheets now. No advice but watching with interest!

If you’re in middle management, why are you putting out the teabags?

That’s usually the job of a cleaner/admin/receptionist.

Is it possible that perhaps your manager is annoyed that you’re doing little things such as that which aren’t part of your job description and your actual role is suffering because you’re focusing on that sort of thing? Is she having to do your work for you?

If it wasn't the Earl Grey it would be something else - this isn't about tea bags, it's about power and control. It's well seen she's never managed anyone before, her lack of confidence and incompetence in that role is showing very clearly.

I'd look for another job asap, because she's never going to change - or at least, not for a long time until she becomes more competent. In the meantime, just have lots of fun with her - when she gives you an instruction ask her lots of inane questions in a sincere voice to clarify exactly what she wants while feigning supreme interest in her instruction.

@changingofthenameagainI don’t have a team any more. I work as a glorified receptionist, organising travel and doing various comms and admin tasks now, reporting to her. The offfice manager left and so I’ve inherited most of her tasks - including stocking the kitchens. All this was at my manager’s request. So not a case of me doing things and neglecting my own job so she has to pick up tasks at all.

Hmmm, I knew someone like that. Thankfully she wasn't my boss but she was a nasty, backstabbing cow to everyone she came across. Nothing anyone done could stop her behaving that way. It was unacceptable but they let her away with it. If your boss is anything like this woman then I would say get another job.

You don't work for an insurance company do you?

@SirChenjinsthanks, that made me laugh.

@AMurderofMurderingCrows not insurance, no. Seems as though many companies have similar problems.

In your place, I’d look for somewhere else.
But, in the meantime you could enjoy a little killing her with kindness - email her (paper trail) and ask her what the things are that she need you to do and quote examples so that there is no doubt how picky she is being. You will also be able to sit back and laugh to yourself about her tying herself in knots trying to think of things.

Honestly I'd just do the 50 teabags. Particularly if they are in a display case. 50 looks like generous amount. You could if you really care ask if you could take a tally after each meeting so you can make sure the organization isn't over buying and wasting money on items that have use buy dates.

But if it was me I would be using the time to upskill and job search.

You could also try asking her to mentor you. "Oh you have such attention to details with things how do you work out what's important to focus on?". That sort of thing.

@DrJumpthe mentoring idea is a really good one. Wish I’d thought of that. I’m not sure I could stomach that now, sadly.

Just because they are in power doesn’t mean they are effective or knowledgeable.

The head of the dept is routinely laughed at and said he, his lordship needs a hobby, the female in charge before him had far more grace and respect.

One strategy I've found quite well is to bombard people like this with helpful updates and demonstrations of efficiency until they decide they'd rather let you get on with it.

E.g. "Hi Julia, I've been reflecting on your concern that there weren't enough spare Earl Grey teabags and really want to ensure you are comfortable with the stock levels I will maintain going forwards. I propose the following strategy...... [insert details of teabags]. To save you continuing to double check that the stock levels are sufficient, I will send you a weekly confirmation that all is in order. However, I am equally happy to take ownership and just come to you with any problems if you prefer, so let me know if I should do thst instead".

And repeat for everything she micromanages.

This is frustrating but I think your original suggestion about asking her if she'd like responsibility for tea bags might not be such a bad thing. Personally I'd try and kill with kindness and suggest that as she is very busy that you'd like to have a meeting to clarify roles and responsibilities because it doesn't make sense in you doing something and then her checking it. You could also add some bullshit in about trying to reduce waste, not over order etc and be more sustainable. If she keeps coming back and checking up on you, just be polite and thank her for her advice and support.

@Tiptopflipflop has written it much better than I have. Do exactly this - provide her with so much information about the teabags she will beg you to stop. I'd suggest a spreadsheet to monitor stock levels and make sure to pick up with her if she doesn't respond/fails to acknowledge it. You could also offer to manage any tea bag related complaints.

Getting into teabag semantics will just take up more of your already tested energy…

I used to answer such emails with “okay”.

"provide her with so much information about the teabags she will beg you to stop"
😂

In my experience it saves energy in the longrun. Because usually within a week they are telling you to just crack on and let them know if there are any problems and then you're in blissful peace.

@Tiptopflipflopthanks that has also made me laugh. I might try it for a bit as I’ve been working to @Gowletts strategy so far but I maybe could have some fun too 🤣