Nothing left, something has to give

[Sam4567]

How to start this. I don't even really know what I'm asking.

I'm a single mum to a 4 year old boy, I work full time in a very busy, very stressful, very understaffed pharmacy. My son's father has nothing to do with him, he hasn't seen him since he was 8 months old. I am from a very broken upbringing, part of it spent in foster care, and as such I have no family. My beloved grandma was my family and she passed away last year.

It breaks my heart that my son spends 10 hours a day, 5 days a week at nursery. By the time we get home after 6pm he is asleep, and I am completely burnt out from working a horrible job that takes so much and only pays nat min. I hardly see him through the week. I've recently been diagnosed with a thyroid disease, I am exhausted and I only have dregs left for my son by the time the weekend arrives. It breaks my heart that people I don't even know are raising my child for me, and I am missing his precious childhood. I probably won't get the chance to be a parent again, so I want to do a bloody good job of it.

I know plenty of people will jump down my throat here and tell me to suck it up. But I want to know, has anyone been in a similar situation and managed to achieve a better work life balance where they can be at home for their child more? Every instinct is screaming at me that this is wrong. I know nursery is amazing for children's development, but this just feels like too much. He learns more when he's with me!

If I reduce my working hours, I think Universal Credit will sanction me. If I leave and find another job for fewer hours, they will sanction me. Has anyone had this experience? How did it work out? I'm trying to decide whether I can take the hit financially and just live a more frugal life. I dream of working for myself or having my own business so that I can spend more time at home with him, although I know this is a rose tinted vision because running your own business must be bloody hard. Has anyone retrained? If so was there any help to do so?

Again, I'm not quite sure what I'm asking here. I'm just exhausted, hopeless, burnt out and consumed by mum guilt. I can feel that I am running my health into the ground. Would be grateful if anyone has any suggestions, advice or words of comfort, thank you.

Do job hunt, even the same job with adequate staffing levels should improve your life.

I can’t advise on the sanctions but I thought you had to do a 30 hour week? Would that be 4 days for you?

You could look for another job that suits better. Even if it's just that it's less busy. But ideally better paid, shorter days, more flexibility.

Self employment is hard.

Is your ds happy in nursery? And tired because he's had a full day, played with his friends etc? That's not too bad, even if he's not with you as much as you would like. And he'll be starting school soon?

It absolutely sucks for you right now. I'm guessing he starts school in September, so potentially your childcare costs can go down. Some schools offer a free breakfast club and a 45-minute activity free after school a few days. You might find that, even if you can try to finish one day a week for normal school pickup, you can make a few mum friends and start to build connections you trust so you can help one another out. He'll get free school meals until he starts year 3, so you can capitalise on having a healthy picky dinner. You might be able to look at a teaching assistant role at the school, so term-time only plus teacher development days, and consider other options to make money that where the work can be done flexibly, whatever your talents may be. If you have any public sector roles available near you they tend to be flexible and offer 80% FTE generally as an option, or if you have the space for a desk at home you could apply for home working? Some companies (e.g. Capita) offer the majority of their roles fully remote and flexible, and office jobs tend to pay more than anything where you see a customer in a face to face environment. Even if it just saves you the commute, and you can do a longer day (say 8.15-5.45) a few days to finish early one of the days whilst still working full time, it's one day a week you can treasure. FWIW I honestly think people who don't have, or don't trust, their family, to support, have it so much harder than everyone else but nobody wants tobacjn this.

Why isn't the father financially contributing to the upbringing of his child?

He might not want anything to do with him but legally he needs to provide financial support.

@RandomMess and @Mclaren10 thank you for the calm voices of reason. The CV revamp and job search start in earnest this weekend.
@Madreamigajefa2 thank you so much <3 Some really helpful suggestions, I think I need to write out a bit of an action plan.

@Greenwitchart to clarify, my ex does pay the legal maintenance. He just chooses to have nothing to do with him. He has moved away down south somewhere, we have no contact with him at all.