Boss

[Scarlettjune]

My boss has just sent me an email telling me not to do something (a minor thing) that I have seen her do herself.

I know it's not something that she has special permission to do because of her rank.

I've said to her before about her being inconsistent. In the last instance both me and my colleague did the same thing at different times. She told me I shouldn't have done it. She didn't tell him that he shouldn't have done it. I know she didn't, because we all use a group email and she sends emails to tell us if we have done things wrong. At the time she came up with some excuse that didn't make sense.

I think she just doesn't like me, she is never nice to me, whereas she is nice to my male colleague.

I'm thinking of sending an email back to her on the saying "but you did this last week".?

Though knowing her, if I stand up to her in any way, her behaviour gets worse. She is very difficult! How would you handle someone like her?

Is the “something” something which you aren’t supposed to be doing according to company policy / your own objectives? If so then ultimately you need to swallow it and acknowledge you shouldn’t have done it and that it won’t happen again.

If you genuinely feel that you’re being singled out and picked on for things, you can raise a grievance with HR around feeling the inconsistency is unfair treatment or bullying. You do, however, need to bear in mind that you won’t have the full view about whether or not your colleague is being performance managed for their errors; and that it’s still not a legitimate defence to say “everyone else knowingly disobeys policy so I do it, too.”

Don’t send her an email saying that you saw her do the same thing. It might seem unjust, but her performance and behaviour is for her own manager to address, and as above, it doesn’t come across well to defend something you know you shouldn’t have done by claiming everyone else does it.

No it's not something that we are not supposed to be doing according to company policy. It's a very minor thing that causes no harm to anyone ad I have seen her do it herself.

We don't have a HR department, I wish we did

, it doesn’t come across well to defend something you know you shouldn’t have done by claiming everyone else does it."

Regarding the last instance with my colleague. We weren't told NOT to do a certain thing until after I did it. I then pointed out that my male colleague had done the same thing two weeks ago.

I sad that wasnt consistent. She then said something to me like "you are right, consistency is important, but i react differently because of various things eg staff levels".

The number of staff working at the two different times were exactly the same.

I mean you could say 'Sorry, I thought X was ok as you did it last week. However, I know now so won't do it again.'

It's going to come across quite patronising though and not improve your relationship with manager. I would just ignore the message altogether if it's minor.

How long have you worked there? Any idea why manager doesn't like you?

Yes. As far as I can tell...its sexism. She treats the men really well and she is nasty to the women.

Two other woman that work there said that my manager was horrible to them. One woman has left and the second woman managed to move to another department. The second woman said to me that she is so much happier now that she doesn't work under my manager. The second woman said to me "try not to take it personally. She has always been like that, blunt and rude"

Just to say nearly exactly what my boss said to me as its so minor and petty, it's annoying me.

I work in a residential accommodation. We support the people that live there, the people are not mentally or physically disabled.

One of the people complained about it being too hot in her room last week. We had a spare fan in storage so I gave it to her to use for a while.

I sent an email about it so people knew where it was.

My manager then sent an email saying "fans must not be given to residents, they must buy their own, we do not give fans for use in their bedrooms,you must go and get that fan back".

However she sent an email two weeks ago, saying that she had given a fan to a resident to use in their room?

It's so petty that I want to send her, her email saying "but you did this two weeks ago?"
She is difficult

She is your boss, so unless she is being ridiculously unreasonable/unlawful you have to suck it up, or find a new job.

You have no way of knowing that she hasn’t talked to your male colleague about his mistake in this regard.

Your view that she treats him better is just that - your view. Even if you could clearly document examples, does it matter?

Concentrate on doing your own job well and delivering.

I do know that she didn't talk to my male colleague about it because she told me. I already wrote that?

Even if you could clearly document examples...does it matter. Yes because sexism is not allowed in the workplace

Other examples of sexism in my workplace. Male colleagues have been given better rotas than me. Male colleagues have also been given longer and better training than I was given

Now that I've given the specific fan example, does anyone think I should say - but you gave out a fan two weeks ago?

I'm just so annoyed. Every week I get emails from her, criticising something that I've done.

Given your update of the issue I would actually be tempted to attach her email back to her and say

'I thought giving our fans was allowed as was following your lead (attached). However, appreciate there is a policy change so I will ask resident X for fan back now and let them know.'

I would start a log of these instances and the examples of inconsistency as suspect you might need it.

Have you been there less than 2 years? Just to warn you, you won't have any real protection from being fired if so.

You could - but your OP was around a difficult manager and asking how to handle that. I don’t think that challenging her is going to improve your working relationship or make her easier to work with: you can frame it in an apologetic manner along the lines of “this won’t happen again now that you’ve let me know it’s not policy to do so, I didn’t know that this wasn’t allowed, I followed your example in providing a fan when it was requested, and was only trying to support our clients as best as thought.” But that isn’t going to change the broader context around you feeling you’re being unfairly treated in comparison with other colleagues.

I think this is a fundamental mismatch of personalities between the two of you, and I’d honestly start looking to find a new job - particularly as you say there’s no formal HR to raise it with. I appreciate it’s the unjustness which is frustrating you; you need to take a decision about whether you’re prepared to do as Growingaseed advises and keep a log of all incidences, with the aim of potentially raising a claim for unfair dismissal once you’ve left on the basis of bullying because you can demonstrate other colleagues weren’t disciplined for the same issues, or sexism because you can demonstrate male colleagues were consistently treated differently.

I’d say “sorry I didn’t realise as this has been done a few times before. Thank you for making me aware the policy has changed.”

I'm so annoyed. This is the latest in a long list of things. She's so cruel. I feel totally trapped because I want to look for another job, but I feel like she will give me a bad reference. She is the type to do that. There is no one else there that I can ask for a reference. No HR dept. There is no one over her except for a man who works very far away and I have never met,

You could ask a nice colleague for a reference? It doesn't have to be a manager. Try to get moved to where your former colleague is, it sounds like they'll understand.

If asked for a reference by a new employer, would you be able to give the most senior person’s details? Is there somebody who administrates payroll and onboarding etc whose details you could provide?

I’d contact ACAS and get some advice on your concerns. It’s difficult to advise without knowing the exact structure of your business. References in the U.K. must be accurate and factual and shouldn’t include anything subjective which the company couldn’t back up with evidence, such as a formal disciplinary record. Most companies opt to only confirm a basic reference of dates of employment and role held because of the potential legal implications of giving a “bad” reference without being able to provide evidence.