Redundant and I'm going a bit crackers

[YouHaveAnArse]

I was made redundant from a fairly niche role after 17 years. I stayed that long partly because the work was interesting and I loved my colleagues (many of whom had been there longer than me!) and partly because I had other stuff going on in my life that meant I valued the stability. However, a number of changes for the worse were made in the past yea that made many in my team feel massively disenfranchised, so when voluntary redundancy came up I took it. From what those left behind have said, it was absolutely the right decision. I was very good at my job and I miss it but between management consultants and pivot to AI it's gone either way.

However, I feel massively discouraged when it comes to jobhunting. Niche role, so rather than waiting for things doing that to come along, I'm looking for things in the same industry or similar related roles where skills might transfer...but I just feel like I'm getting nowhere.

My old role is based in London (travelled in once weekly) and now I'm in the NW, so between that and potentially having to start on something new I'm considering more junior roles that pay 20-30% less than before. That's fine, I can manage that, but I feel like either they want someone who's not 43 or the market is so bad that they are getting better candidates - even 'entry level' roles I see expect 2-3 years experience in X or Y.

I wondered if I should be focusing on a step up, but any roles at the same or higher salary than I was on require either management experience (which with the most generous CV massaging I can come up with I can't really claim to have) or are what ten years ago would have been two very separate roles - think wanting someone with five years' legal experience and five years' pharma experience and also a certification in finance. DH says "be a man and apply anyway" but in the age of AI screening I'm getting nowhere.

I've had three interviews, all tangentially related to my old role. Second interview for one, but the feedback was basically "you don't have experience in other areas" which was a bit gutting after a three month recruitment process. Another was more positive so that's something! Redundancy came with job coaching but it was mostly "have you tried putting it into ChatGPT?" My old job does not lend itself to any kind of consultancy work or freelancing, so that's not an option.

My other concern: I'm diagnosed-as-adult neurodiverse, I didn't adapt well to my former job becoming enshittified, and I'm worried that after four months I'm going...a bit feral? Sure I was bored but what if I take on more responsibility and fail? What if I just don't know how to adapt anymore? I can't even get it together to volunteer or even go to the park/fill the dishwasher some days. I don't feel capable of anything other than scrolling the internet - not even things I actually want to do - and wishing I could just disappear completely. Just feel like I'm wasting my life. Or that it's just over.

This is normal and will pass, right?

Honestly wish I was comfortable putting my face on the internet AND could use TikTok without getting a migraine, I could become a depression influencer or something.

There seems a few things going on. 17 years is a long time and whilst this could be a great opportunity for change it can be hard. You say some days you can’t get it together this is pretty common when you have lost your working routine but you sound addicted to scrolling.

Can you make small steps to combat this. 3 interviews doesn’t sound bad after redundancy and in this job market most people are submitting lots of applications and not hearing back.

Sit down and make a structure for your week. Set aside a couple hours to job search, make time for exercise everyday even if just a walk in your local area. Get up everyday at set time start building positives into your week.

You sound like you are targeting the right opportunities to get interviews but just getting discouraged, you mentioned volunteering this can be good to keep update references and give you step towards paid employment.

Frying pan and fire come to mind. Niche roles are an issue when an employee has been cosy in the role for years. Can you go to coaching sessions and maybe look at roles in shortage areas? Try volunteering. Often groups welcome you. It provides structure to the day and skills.

Yeah, I do worry I've been a bit institutionalised if you see what I mean. It also helps as an AuDHD person that my manager was aware and understanding of any difficulties I had connected with this, especially changes in medication - she actually did extra training when I was diagnosed so she could better support me and others she might manage in future, because she knew I was extremely good at some things but had difficulty with others. A new employer would be considerably less flexible in that respect - and it would be within their rights not to be - and that was one thing that made me wary of looking elsewhere. That and my employer being pretty strong on work-life balance - it was a very stressful job at times but being able to leave it at my desk at the end of the day balanced that out.

If I can identify shortage areas that suit then that's something I can target. I would be willing to retrain if I can work out what I could and would want to realistically retrain into.

My DB went through this recently - job hunting and getting nowhere. It was different for him though because he was a graduate applying for entry level jobs. Three things that helped him that would probably help anyone.

• a routine again. He'd got into the habit of gaming online until late, then got up in the afternoon, feeling very low. Then he got serious about structure and treated job hunting like a part-time job - 7 hours a day, 3 days a week - lunch break, evenings off, weekends off. If he wasn't applying, he was doing a bit of LinkedIn learning to bulk up his CV.
• a no frills/reasonably priced leisure centre membership - he couldn't control the job hunting process but he felt in control of getting in good shape physically - gave him somewhere to go to once a day and get out of his bedroom.
• he used a website www.getflint.work that scanned his CV and gave him recommendations on how to make it better. It matched his skills to live job ads then he focused on those roles first. Website also generated the cover letters, although they were a bit too generic and he still needed to put work into them. This got better results than firing off loads of CVs with no cover letters for jobs that he had no chance of getting.

Maybe you should see a GP as well, as it sounds like you could be depressed e.g. 'wishing I could just disappear completely'. Is there someone you can talk to in real life - DH might not be the best person if he's telling you to 'man up' about things.

It might not feel like it today, but it sounds like it would have been worse staying where you were from what others have said since. You most likely made the right decision.

My DBro has worked from the age of about 8 (little Saturday job then I hasten to add, not up chimneys) and was made redundant in the autumn with a package, first time ever out of work. He's done a lot of increasingly senior roles through his career and all on well over 100K in recent decades. He had near misses with a couple he applied for but just got one paying about 40% less than usual but which will be great for him and he's enthused about. He's 60 in a few weeks and I'm so proud of him.