Retrained in my 30s but still not getting proper support at work

[Artemis1445]

Three years after my first child was born, in my mid 30s I decided to retrain and study whilst in a really entry level job in a different sector to my previous one. A couple of years on I had my second child and again was home with him for a couple of years years. At this point i landed my dream job, my first real trainee role in a well regarded firm , the role I had always dreamed of getting. I was the oldest candidate and therefore felt really lucky. As time went on I realised this was not going to be the big break I imagined as my manager was heavily engaged in certain projects and did not have time to train me professionally at all. Instead all I did was useless admin whilst being paid and taking exams all of which I passed successfully. Nobody outside the dept knew I wasn’t being trained.In hindsight i could have complained to someone but I didn’t want to upset my manager especially as I still considered myself lucky to have been hired in the first place and had an image in my head that this was ‘the’ place to work. How wrong I was. For three years this continued until I was made redundant. When looking for another job I was painfully aware of having this ‘fantastic’ training work experience on my cv in a well known firm that i could not justify. I eventually got another job but they expected me to know more than I did and the boss had anger issues and absolutely no patience to train anyone. I left after 6 months. Now I work for another firm (this time I did tell them about my lack of experience) but I’m doing some really basic stuff without my manager explaining anything. My manager is seldom in the office, works from home a lot, if I ask her anything her stock reply is usually that she expects me to know this already and has a shaming attitude so although she insists I should ask questions I really avoid asking her anything unless absolutely necessary and resort to asking a colleague instead. Im really ashamed that despite acing all my prof exams Im still not experienced or had the right training. Im now in my 40s , really demotivated and don’t want to finish the last few remaining exams to qualify Not sure if anyone can relate or have any words of advice for me. I feel that my dream has died and I can’t tell my kids i accomplished anything at all in my career,Thanks for reading ;-/

It's hard to say without knowing about the profession you want to be part of, but it sounds as though you have had success both with professional exams needed and with landing jobs, albeit not jobs that seem to come with support and give you experience that feels right. You lack confidence as a result.

As you are able to pass exams, would completing the final set not give you an excellent platform to apply elsewhere for work? Could you request a mentor meanwhile or at a new job? If no mentor is currently available, in the meantime can you use AI or online resources to try to fill gaps in your learning and help you work through projects?

When I was in my 30s I started professional training. There was a man I worked with who would say things like how he'd never needed a little slip of paper to get ahead in his career, and he pulled a horrible stunt in the lead-up to my first exam which made things so awful and stressful for me. Looking back it is so very obvious to me that he was envious and insecure and seeking to undermine me, but at the time I actually thought he believed the professional training was an unnecesary crutch.
That workplace really crushed my confidence, there was more to it than just him but looking back I wish I had at least been aware of the professional envy, and not thought it was all something wrong with me.
I wonder if that hasn't perhaps played a part in your career, having colleagues who don't want to support you to get ahead?

I’m sorry you went through this and quite possibly yes, I feel professional envy and bosses with zero mentoring skills are the reason. I’m not sure what I shou,d be doing now, I want to give up. People in general keep such a tight grip on their knowledge that it’s not easy to find people who will put in the time to train you.

I’m sorry you went through this and quite possibly yes, I feel professional envy and bosses with zero mentoring skills are the reason. I’m not sure what I shou,d be doing now, I want to give up. People in general keep such a tight grip on their knowledge that it’s not easy to find people who will put in the time to train you.

Thanks for replying, In my case I feel that bosses with zero mentoring skills are the reason for my stalled career. I’m not sure what I should be doing now, I want to give up. People in general keep such a tight grip on their knowledge that it’s not easy to find people who will put in the time to train you. I don’t think AI can help me as much I need a supportive workplace . Worst of all I’m not getting any younger and still a trainee.

Oh I meant that people didn't want to help you get ahead to protect their own status, not that you were envious! It can be so hard to find mentors and every industry seems to be a cutthroat competitive industry now.
It's hard to not have career success under your belt in midlife - I'm definitely in that position. But there's quiet dignity in working consistently, in doing your best with the shitty situation you've been given.

I think we need to know which profession and qualification to be able to give you useful advice on where to go from here. That's what you need more than validation or commiserations.

With respect, if you spent 3 years in a role knowing you weren't obtaining the experience you needed then some of the responsibility for that is yours - you made a choice to stay there and do nothing about it. I am not saying this to be mean, but because to move forward from here you need to be realistic and own your choices. That is part of working in the professions and blaming everyone else isn't going to move you forward. E.g. it is reasonable for an employer to expect someone who is part qualified with 3 years of experience to have certain competencies and the initiative to problem solve.

If you don't want to post specifics on this thread under this username then I would suggest starting a new thread about your specific qualification and profession. You mention working for firms so if it is professional services (e.g. accountancy or law), there are lots of posters on MN who could help you work out a plan to gain the experience you need to dig yourself out of this hole and achieve your original goals. They could also help you with navigating the expectations in such environments, e.g. who to ask questions, how to figure out tasks yourself, how to build relationships etc.

Thankyou I will try your suggestions.