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How to cope with feeling like a total fraud in work?

11 replies

Sliverofdarkness · 22/04/2026 22:13

After taking a long break from work (almost a decade) to raise kids, I somehow got a job back in my original career, despite not having kept up to date at all with the industry. I went back, barely able to use a computer anymore and they assumed I was able to use complex programmes. Needless to say, I've been on an extremely steep learning curve and live in constant fear of being 'found out' and feel like a total fraud. I'm working in a large fast paced office with lots of very knowledgeable people. This week I've been using a complicated programme that was afraid to admit I last used 21 years ago. It's obviously changed a lot since then and I'm making very slow progress. Im only in 4 days a week, so feel at a disadvantage to keep up with other staff, but I can't manage my household and family if I do any more work. My self esteem is at rock bottom all the time and I feel like I'm going to be fired. What can I do or how do others cope in a situation like this?

OP posts:
Boxingshibes · 22/04/2026 22:18

What can you do to upskill? Online courses/ YouTube. Are you invested in upskilling? If not you won't pass probation.
I do sympathise but . Are you upto date with current ideas in your industry? Are your IT skills up to date?. LinkedIn and open university do free courses.

keepingsanity · 22/04/2026 22:19

I’d ask for feedback. You may be surprised. I recently got an award and the director was really impressed with my work when we chatted. This is despite me feeling like a failure constantly. Ask for help on the systems too. Best of luck

Sliverofdarkness · 22/04/2026 22:25

Boxingshibes · 22/04/2026 22:18

What can you do to upskill? Online courses/ YouTube. Are you invested in upskilling? If not you won't pass probation.
I do sympathise but . Are you upto date with current ideas in your industry? Are your IT skills up to date?. LinkedIn and open university do free courses.

I've already passed probation, I don't know how. I have done some training on the job, and I search for help online with the programs. But I have no time outside of work as my kids are still young and it's very busy.

OP posts:
FettchYeSandbagges · 22/04/2026 22:30

You are suffering from a touch of imposter syndrome and the need for a little upskilling, that's all. You'll be fine. Don't be afraid or embarrassed to ask for help, just explain that the software's had an upgrade since you last used it, and you need a bit of temporary assistance until you get back up to speed.

If you need reassurance, I went on maternity leave when everything was DOS, and came back to to be faced with Windows (yes I am that old!). Imagine what that was like.😂

Boxingshibes · 22/04/2026 22:31

What area are you working in?
Maybe i can help

watchuswreckthemic · 22/04/2026 22:41

I agree in asking for feedback and maybe a mentor? You may have a ‘super user’ at work that you could have some sessions with?
So many women suffer from imposter syndrome; I’m sure you can get through this.

trainkeepsgoing · 22/04/2026 23:09

Use AI to learn quickly

FettchYeSandbagges · 22/04/2026 23:20

trainkeepsgoing · 22/04/2026 23:09

Use AI to learn quickly

Having to learn how to use AI as a tool is not ideal for someone who is at the bottom of an already steep learning curve learning new software.

Far better to ask colleagues for assistance.

Sliverofdarkness · 23/04/2026 07:20

trainkeepsgoing · 22/04/2026 23:09

Use AI to learn quickly

I am using AI all the time for help. Feels a bit like cheating though.

OP posts:
Zanatdy · 23/04/2026 07:34

What about asking a colleague to help?

Narwhalsh · 23/04/2026 07:47

AI isn’t cheating, it’s there to help and speed up our abilities so I’d say you’re using it for exactly the right reason!

You should chat with your manager though as that might help your internal feelings. Ask for some feedback to how they think you’re doing and you might be pleasantly surprised

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