Feeling stuck at work in my forties after several setbacks

[TheFarmatLittletown]

I am in my early forties.

Left university in 2008 with a Master's degree, having been told there was a position for me at the university once completed. Never materialised long story but essentually I was just met with 'ah yes, about that, well no'.

Went to work for a medium sized business in the water industry, worked my way up to supervisor but then was met with a boss who hated me and was eventually sacked while off sick with work-related stress due to her. She was horrendous and I never did work out why I was so hated by her.

Did some other 'just a job' sort of jobs while trying to find something else.

Retrained in a different industry. Went into the civil service. Very similar thing happened to in my first job, manager was just awful to me plus the hours just killed me (6 on four off all different shifts). I kept going for promotion and applying for different jobs within, related to my degrees but nothing ever happened. Eventually I was very burnt out and after being blamed for something that was very much not my fault (they actually took me into a side room and screamed at me because I followed a supervisor's advice, among other things) I was just done. So I left.

Went to work for another company in the field I had retrained in, all nights. Was good but not enough money and every other weekend. not ideal but okay, I kept looking for something better.

Then I landed a job tutoring adults in my (newer) field which I loved. Thought I had finally got my 'calling' and would work my way up, great. Was late thirties by this point.

Company went bust within a few months.

Went freelance doing the same thing. Such hard work, jobs few and far between, not enough money for the hours. But I would've happily continued if the work had kept coming in, it just didn't.
When a contract ended I found another job again in my newer field, same as the night one but days. Four days a week. £26,000. I am never one who feels I am 'owed' something but this job is just so boring and just 'nothing'. I have been here two years. No scope for promotion other than management which feels like it will be not worth it. I don't like the company or their ethos and want to do something more meaningful and use my hard-honed skills. I am basically a glorified admin assistant and the money is rubbish. I feel I have worked so hard and have nothing to show for it.I am embarrassed. I am more than halfway through my working career now, but I feel like I want to give myself just one last shot. But I can't afford to retrain (again).

I have some bits of freelance work that come and go and just about keep a roof over my head. I have a sort of loose plan to go self-employed or mostly self-employed and reduce my hours at the job I do now. But I hover over job sites, looking and hoping something perfect just pops up again, I would leave 100% to go back into fulltime tutoring as I was doing before but those jobs are like gold dust.

I am wondering if anyone has been in a similar position or has any advice or words of wisdom? I know a lot of it has been just, unlucky, wrong place wrong time type of thing but I can't help feeling like an utter failure.

Keep looking for permament adult tutoring roles. They do come around, be persistent and dont let set backs put you off!

I do freelance work (online marking for distance learning courses) around my normal work. If your not already on Linkedin, set up an account, and if you get a tutor job at a smaller company that goes bust, usually, the bigger providers will reach out to the staff and let them know of any jobs they have.

I did a search of training providers near me, visited their website and looked at vacancies which landed me my first adult tutoring role many years ago. I found these often werent advertised on job sites. If you get your foot in the door then they may put you on training etc!

If you have your assessors award, this can also enable you to be an apprenticeship trainer in your area of expertise! Some people even get their assessors award on the job! Its similar to adult tutoring, just passing on your wisdom to apprentices in the workplace !

Good luck!

I have no concrete advice about your current job role, or options, but i just wanted to mention your past workplace trauma. Don’t underestimate how damaging this will have been for your confidence and in turn your career. I’ve faced similar. You need to find a way to move past it, reconcile it, and truly believe in yourself. To quote Susan Sarandon in Thelma and Louise ‘we get what we settle for’ Sounds like you are aware of this and really want to move on, but do make sure you do the work, and exorcise this bullying. You’ll not progress to what you deserve unless you do!! Good luck op ☺️

Thank you so much. Your freelance work sounds great, I would absolutely do that.

The freelance work I had that came after the company liquidated did indeed come from other providers. I was one of the very few who took them up on it, all other tutors went into different fields, they needed full time work straight away for various reasons. It's a long story, but one provider (a very well-renowned one nonetheless!) was terrible, I had a thread about what happened on here at the time, they were astonishingly bad to work for. But I would still work for them again if I had to given I loved the actual job, and they paid well.

My contract ended and I am not sure if they'll have me back as although I was polite and professional and worked hard for them, there were issues (caused by their lack of organisation) with me. One major example is they didn't tell me that I had to get the students to fill in a long, complicated form after each session, they denied not telling me this and it created a problem and generated student complaints.

I have applied for a few full time roles whenever I see them but never got so much as a response! I assume they're inundated and as I don't have QTS, they're rightfully picky. I don't have an assessors award but can look into it, I am very familiar with endless marking and all that goes with that, various platforms etc.

I will also look into apprenticeship training. Thank you again.

Thank you so much. Very good advice for anybody. I really have had issues at work, I don't know why, have tried my best to work it out. I am not perfect but I work hard, do my best, am pleasant to everyone.

It has actually almost happened where I currently work (one of the reasons I do not want to continue/go for promotion with them)!

They had a complaint. Not about me, about someone whose paperwork I deal with. He left as he was very annoyed, it wasn't his fault either!

They blamed me for it. Tried to put me on a PIP and I was absolutely not having it. Union got involved and quashed the whole procedure as it was (to put it bluntly) a load of crap. So, from that point of view I have got a bit better. If I let myself I can get very annoyed with myself (and previous companies I have worked for) for not having pushed back before. Mentioning no names but the 'company' who effed up the Yorkshire Ripper case were horrendous and nowadays I would've gone for constructive dismissal.

No words of advice but lots of sympathy. I'm in my 40s, have a degree and postgrad qualifications plus 25 years of being in the workplace but feel no further forward than when I left school at 18. To add insult to injury, when adjusted for inflation, my part time job at a fast food place while still at school actually paid better than the office job I'm in now which is so depressing.

Thank you for the empathy. It's just awful. If I had my time again I would do a more vocational degree and get something in writing if I was offered a position at my university!
I am tempted to work out what my student jobs paid when adjusted for inflation but I have a feeling that I too would end up depressed!

I would also love to use my degrees (sociology), even if just to know that I have! I hear about social studies and know I would've been good at that type of work, but I haven't a clue how I would begin to get back into it now.

I have no career advice but I just want to say I understand how you feel, I’ve been an assistant for 10+ years now and I’m having trouble moving away from it. It’s not a bad job per se, it’s just that there’s no progression and in my case it’s a very, very limited field.

What I try to do (in the hopes of feeling less frustrated) is reframe how I see it. Realistically we can’t all make it to the top of whatever field we’re working on, available roles are limited and overall the market isn’t great right now. I always keep an eye for openings and the best I’ve got so far would be the same wage, but with more commute.

That's another thing, I have found some roles that would be viable but they're either not much more money (if any!) or longer hours, and have a commute. I currently work from home, the ONLY redeeming feature of my current role. Other than the boring aspect of it meaning I could do it standing on my head with my eyes closed, I suppose. I could honestly fit my usual daily workload into 2 or 3 hours, and I feel that is being generous.

I'm 41, now a band EO level in my current civil service department, and quite happy where I am as a decision maker. I wanted to get to that sort of pay and band as I think I'm now in a position where the pension will be built up to a nice level when I'm 60 plus and I'm not interested in management jobs either.
It sounds like you had a horrible situation in your CS department, I wish you well in your search for a better job.

Yes, I have been a supervisor before with basically the same duties as a manager, and while I wasn't bad at it, I didn't enjoy it, it is not something that interests me at all.

Plus the salaries are so poor where I work that without knowing what managerial salaries are, I imagine I will be just as (or more) frustrated with the type of work, but now with more responsibility and risk, for not much more £. It doesn't appeal! Well done for getting to where you are, and thank you.

I have just found a job at a university near me that I think would suit me perfectly, research based work in a field I am trained and qualified in. Hybrid, four day week.

And the bloody website won't let me log in! 😆

Fingers crossed!!! 🤞 Rooting for you.

I’ve known a few women in this situation, including myself, and they all had one thing in common:

They were undiagnosed autistics.

I’d recommend looking into discourse about the challenges autistic people face in the workplace and seeing if any of that rings true. If so, look into recommended management strategies (this is where I am).

And finally, remember that bosses don’t reward talent or merit; they reward employees who make their lives easier/make them feel good about themselves. This is very frustrating!

I really do not think I am autistic.

I do agree with your other points however.

My boomer parents drilled it into me that if you work hard you will be rewarded. Which may have been a tactic that genuinely worked for them!