To be really disappointed in my colleagues/friends attitude

[bhgnrpusbpilates]

So I have a colleague who I’ve worked with for a while, and I would class her as a friend to some degree. Anyway, a while ago at our workplace, they consolidated our head offices due to us being a hybrid company. We now have to report to our main head office twice a week, which is about 6 miles down the road from our old office.

Our old office was right in the city centre, so it was easy to get to for those who cannot drive. The new one, however, is on an industrial estate on a main A road, so it’s a bit difficult for those who don’t drive. I do drive, so it hasn’t massively disrupted me, apart from an extra 20 minutes twice a day.

Anyway, my boss wasn’t happy with the idea of my colleague having to get two buses and walk to get there, so they agreed she could work remotely while she sorts a solution out. I think it was mentioned in her consultation that she wanted time to learn how to drive.

We work for a large corporate company, so while I don’t know the details of what’s been said, I imagine my boss really fought her corner with HR to allow this, which I agree with and was pleased about as I appreciate it was a difficult situation for her.

Anyway, I saw a post on Facebook from a driving agency with her photo, congratulating their student (my colleague) for passing her driving test back in January.

I waited for her to tell me herself (we talk a lot on Teams and have met up the odd time outside of work), but she never said anything. I assumed she wanted to give herself a few weeks to get settled with driving before saying she could now come into the office, but it’s now April and she has still remained silent about it.

I’m really disappointed, as she comes across as a really sweet person—like butter wouldn’t melt—but I find this quite devious. Not only towards my boss, who has bent over backwards to help her and be lenient, but also towards myself and the rest of the team, who have been really supportive of her situation. I haven’t heard one person complain or say things like “one rule for one, another rule for another,” etc.

I have not mentioned this to others and certainly wont be, as im really not that person, so I suppose I have come here to rant,

Congratulate her on passing her test, publicly, and see how she reacts.

Tbf even though she has passed, she might not have a car.

I’d congratulate her-say you were looking for a driving instructor for x and saw her photo.

If she can’t get there because she doesn’t want to get a car and that’s fine for her to work from home, then should it not be ok for everyone else to work from home?

She might be terrified of driving

She might not be able to afford a car.

She might have negotiated an agreement that takes her to ‘c’ month.

All in all, it’s not your business and doesn’t appear to affect you.

that is my point and it has been 4 months now, I had no isse with the arrangement when she physically had no way to get there, but I feel i get myself there twice a week as do others ( and its not a massive ask is it ) then why should she feel she shouldn't have to at all, I feel my boss has been more than understanding

She may still have no way of getting there.
Honestly over this issue I’d stay in your your own lane

You don’t get a free car for passing a driving test though. Does she have a car?

Why does she need to tell everyone at work her achievements outside of work? She’s got an agreed arrangement and you don’t know any of the details of it. Why does it matter to you if she’s passed her test or not? It’s not going to change your life. I’m so glad I don’t have nosey, interfering work colleagues.

I agree it's annoying because whilst it doesn't directly affect you she does in effect get paid more because she isn't incurring travel expenses out of net pay so it feels unfair. I'd just drop into conversation how she is getting on learning to drive and see what she says.

Exactly.

Maybe she got the agreement to WFH for a set period of time e.g. 6 months, so isn’t rushing to announce she can now make her way into the office until that agreement expires 🤷‍♀️ Either way, it’s none of yours or anyone else’s business. She hasn’t necessarily even done anything underhand.

Although her heating bill will have been vastly higher unless there is already someone at home during the day.

This absolutely isn’t any of your business and if you’re thinking about dropping her in it, you’re no friend.

The company has behaved poorly here too.

I’d do exactly the same as your colleague has done and avoid disrupting my routine for as long as possible just to bend to their whims. They aren’t doing it to make anyone’s lives easier.

Perhaps she is saving up for a car so that at the end of the agreed period she is sorted out to come into the office.

The costs of even a cheap second hand car are huge, especially if you have just passed your test.

I would not assume access to a car to get to and from work.

I am glad to read of one more person not having to make what is probably a journey in peak hours, to probably be less productive most of the time than wfh. I wish you had the same as her, not the other way around.

But the point is the rest of the team have to maintain transport to get there?

Bluntly, so what? You would have to go to the office regardless.

Anyway, I saw a post on Facebook from a driving agency with her photo, congratulating their student (my colleague) for passing her driving test back in January.

This is really strange. If you saw it on FB as she was tagged by the driving agency, then presumably your friend will know you know if you are friends with her on FB and is probably wondering why you haven't congratulated her.

On the other hand, if you aren't friends with her on FB or she wasn't tagged, how did you see it? were you internet stalking her?

This all seems a bit strange to me. You are saying you are 'really disappointed' in your friend because she hasn't told you she's passed a driving test when you've seen it on FB?

You have no idea what her arrangement is with work or the boss at all. It all seems a bit petty.

I used to have severe driving anxiety. I could physically and technically drive but also…I couldn’t. I was asked if I wanted to go on a course but it would be 90 minutes drive away somewhere new in peak traffic. I couldn’t do it.

People who saw me drive 5 minutes to work were probably wondering why I couldn’t go on a course!

Luckily my line manager also didn’t like driving too much and understood me!

So it's fair for one and not the other? On a long term basis ?

but you don’t know that she’s definitely bought a car ??

I actually love her. Who is this diva?!? Honestly OP, you’ve got to admit this is top tier

In what way does it negatively impact your life if your colleague is not required to go to the office at the moment? Other than it’s clearly preying on your mind because you’re one of those people obsessed with whether someone else might be getting a slightly bigger slice of birthday cake?

Could be: she’s been banned/had her licence suspended for medical reasons, wrote her car off, can’t get affordable insurance as a new driver…or there are confidential reasons she’s working from home unrelated to driving.

I have a car. I also have full no claims bonus and pay about £200 a year in insurance. I've held a clean licence for 43 years.

What do you imagine the cost of buying a car and insuring it is for someone who has just passed their test?

Oh, I’m sure the OP will be along to update us that she’s just seen a SM clip of the colleague driving along in a convertible throwing her head back and flinging handfuls of twenties over her shoulder.