Advice please - do what’s right or accept the edict of my peer

[BiddyPopthe2nd]

Myself and my colleague are the same grade, but I am overseas and his title is, on paper, my superior. As “policy comes from Capital”.

We are preparing for some big events, and there are people in other organisations travelling from my location to his, to help prepare for these events. Normally, it is expected that the person in my role travels and joins those meetings.

My colleague is adamant that I do not need to attend and should not travel. While on the other hand, adamant that he and others from home need to be in the meetings I am having to prepare for these events. He is also very poor at sharing information I need to do my job in relation to these events. And very good at undermining me with senior management at home.

I am keeping note of things that happen, to protect myself if needed later.

But I am trying to decide how far do I push that I should be more involved, or accept his edicts and let him fall flat on his face later on.

I will need to work in the office at home in a couple of years, when my time overseas is up. And I don’t know many of the senior people due to a reorganisation while I was away. But I also need to make sure that the events run well. My manager overseas agrees I should be there, while his manager at home is a gatekeeper who doesn’t even involve him in meetings we should both be at, or fully share information, at times.

So any words of wisdom on what to do? Apart from keeping my notes quietly.

I would continue keep log of events and exact quotes of what was said. I would also focus on networking. Can you mention to your direct line manager about attending tis event as a networking opportunity?

If your manager thinks you should attend then why would he/she need defer to the opinion of someone on a lower grade? I would go. Men generally get their own way. Why don't we?

I think you should definitely go - he’s trying to minimise your role / undermine you. Don’t let him.

My manager overseas agrees I should be there

Isn't that the answer?

Follow the instructions of your own manager

Of course you should attend - why would you defer to what he wants? You feel you need to be there and so does your manager so of course you should go. You sound as if you need to be more assertive and not such a push over.

am I missing something your manager says you need to go so go
get your manager to tell him your going

Thank you all.

At “home”, it is my colleague and his line manager putting pressure that I don’t come - whereas myself and my LM (same grades as the 2 at home but theoretically slightly junior as “policy comes from capital”…and budgets too) both feel I should be there.

I have continued to document but, for this occasion, have had to bow down and accept the pushing to not join. As travel arrangements had to be booked and prices were rising (and options disappearing) for a separate but related trip that colleague and I both need to do (I had intended going “home” at the end of that, rather than back to my current location, but the problems meant I couldn’t book and now have really bad flights for that part, but at least I have flights).

There is a separate visit from my city to the capital in June that is similar though, and I have been clear to colleague that I will be there for that.

My LM has been clear I ought to be there, but also understands the dynamics at play so advises diplomacy as well. (And is noting herself the issues being caused). There is definitely a power grab involved, micromanagement, gatekeeping, and some chauvinism thrown in for good measure. And a colleague with no people skills who “understands how hard it is” with my 20 y.o. DC seriously ill in hospital at home, but throws as many obstacles as possible in my way nonetheless.

I will also make sure a few (select) others know what happened, as I know there are eyebrows raised in other quarters at some of the carry on. But I need to stay dignified.