Should I change jobs during IVF treatment or stay for maternity pay (considering recurrent miscarriage)

[Flippityfish]

Hi all

TL;DR- 5 Miscarriages, actively still TTC through IVF, wanting to still progress my career and change jobs.

I’m in a bit of a dilemma and would really appreciate any advice or shared experiences.
I’ve currently been TTC for 4 years now and had 5 miscarriages throughout that time and have just gone through an FET (of which we hope is our answer with PGTA testing), but at the same time I’m considering changing jobs as a new role which seems like it was written for me has just come up.

I’ve been in my current role for a while now and honestly feel like I’ve stayed about a year or two longer than I wanted because I keep thinking I will get pregnant. Long term, it doesn’t feel like the right place for me as the business strategy is uncertain and its not clear whether the business line will be there in 2-3 years time, so I don’t want to keep putting my career on hold indefinitely.

The issue is maternity pay. In my current job, I would qualify for SMP and enhanced maternity pay, so there’s a level of financial security if my IVF works and I carry to term. As I've been there a while I also have more flexibility in taking time off for appointments etc. But if I move jobs and assuming my prgnancy continues to term, I wouldn’t qualify in the new role due to the 26-week continuous employment rule. I also have a 3 month notice period so I probably would also have to tell them Im pregnant during my probation period.That makes the timing feel really risky. Will it ruin my reputation to start and then pretty soon take mat leave?

At the same time, if I stay purely for maternity leave and my IVF doesn’t work, I’ll have delayed my career even further, which is also frustrating—especially after already feeling like I’ve been “stuck” for a while.

The new job has a much more stable career trajectory, better long term prospects, will have a better title and likely have better pay and is much closer to my home. I'm currently having interviews and I think I'll most likely get an offer as I've worked with one of the team before.

Grateful for any thoughts on how to navigate...

I guess my thoughts keep oscillating between

wanting to have my cake and eat it. Why cant i just have a baby and a job I like?
getting the job and foregoing mat pay if the pregnancy is successful and feeling guilty about going on mat leave soon after
getting the job, turning it down and then not having a successful pregnancy and missing out on another chance and feeling guilty letting the new company down if I turn down the role after going through the whole interview process.
Going a bit mad 🤪

I'm so sorry you are going through this. I do not have any quite comparable experience and have not been through IVF however was pregnant six times in order to have my youngest, and stayed with the same employer partly through the fact they were quite flexible and due to not having the mental space to consider moving.

I would suggest calculating your financial situation if you stay and if you were to move - looking at the difference in absolute terms might make the decision easier. Assuming you can fund maternity leave if you were to move to the new job I would personally then go for the new job if you get the offer and you are interested. As you say you are allowed to get pregnant and have a job you like! All the best.

If you can afford to take the new job and raise the potential baby, then absolutely go ahead and try for both. Even if it will be financially tight for a few years. Even if you have to squirm through starting a new job pregnant. If it is the right job in the right company then it’ll survive a baby (or it’ll survive the mourning of a baby, if it comes to that ).

If you need the security of your wage if you have a baby, then I would stay put through IVF in the hope you are successful.

I guess it comes down to whether you can manage without the extra money?

Really tough one OP and it's so annoying we have to consider these things!

A few things I would be thinking about:

• Will the role likely come up again? Or a similar one - or is it a one off opportunity.
• How long before the IVF begins / will you know if you are pregnant? Could you delay until you know if successful?

I would be inclined to stay but it's really difficult and a very personal choice.

Sorry to hear about your losses and hope the IVF goes well 💐

Could I please follow this thread? Sorry to jump on OP. Just I’m in a slightly similar situation. Except I did move jobs and I hate the new one 😩 so I’m wondering whether to leave at the end of the initial contract.

go through the interviews first and see where they get you. If you have an offer on the table, then see how you feel about the offer and decide. Make sure you ask what their flexibility working patterns are as if you have the baby you may want to return part time at the start. Also as I understand it you can still apply for maternity allowance if you dont qualify for smp. Do some research.
best of luck 🍀

Are you in the 2ww? I’d advise against making any decisions right now. I went through similar and my mind would try to get control over other areas when I was struggling with my fertility and IVF. I think you need to just stop and pause .

You've been through a hell of a journey so far. I'm so sorry.

I had a similar journey and one of my biggest regrets was that I stuck it out in a job for years and years waiting to get the Maternity pay. For so long in fact that I killed absolutely every tiny spark of passion I had for the job, developed panic attacks thinking about work, etc etc.

Then finally got pregnant, and didnt take the enhanced pay because I knew I would never ever go back 🙄🙄🙄

Complete waste of my life. In the grand scheme of life, maternity pay really isn't worth THAT much, and it certainly isnt worth your sanity, career aspirations etc.

Feeling stuck and unable to move forward with my life through my infertility journey was for me the worst part, far beyond the awfulness of loss and treatment. Feel for you. X

This was about 10 years ago so have no idea what current employment legislation is:

A colleague had been TTC for a some years and obviously over that time had been to appointments, treatments, and sadly a few miscarriages. She applied and got a new job and gave in her notice, only for the new employer to withdraw the offer when they found out how much sick leave she had taken in the past two years. She tried to rescind her notice but this was refused and so she left without a job to go to

Thanks all. I appreciate all the responses, its useful to get peoples perspectives. You've all definitely given me some food for thought.

@growingaseed im currently in my TWW- I know the timing is bad... the problem is, even with a positive pregnancy result i dont know if I will even be able to carry to term. Past experience suggests not.... its not once in a lifetimes job but I think something equivalent might not come up again too soon given how things are in the economy

@feelingalittlehorse of course, hope you get something good out of this thread too! If it helps, feel free to share your story. Maybe we can help each other

@cinnamonda - yep that's good advice, i know i always try to control every outcome and if ive learnt anything during this TTC period is that i really shouldnt try. Ive already decided i will try my best during interviews and see what happens then. I already tried to google their maternity policy in case it was available but as i expected there's nothing online publicly.

@DoubledDownSecrecy I am in the TWW, its just sods law that the timing has happened like this and im going through the interview process right now.

@Godrabbit that's a really good point. I would have to commit to doing 6 months after mat leave and given the choice, I would rather not.. Im sorry you had to go through similar. Its so frustrating that we even have to think of these things. In other countries their equivalent isn't tied to a single role, dont know why the UK is set up this way...

Argh TWW is the worst! The process will take a while so why not see how it all plays out?

I think you might have to do the maths and work out how much of a hit it will be. In terms of companies policies once you get offered the job I used that as a time to request them all (not just maternity). Ideally from a HR contact dealing with the take on/contract rather than your boss. In my case they were useless and didn't send them and I didn't want to make a fuss. However, worth asking.

I guess the other factor is whether you might want to disclose that you might be pregnant. Entirely your choice and really depends on the employer and role. Most bigger companies will be able to absorb it. But in a smaller company or a key role I guess it might cause more of a 'scandal'. Not your problem but also worth thinking about!

Take the job! Infertility takes away so much, you'll regret it if you let it take an exciting job too. You can put your life on hold for years and years waiting (as you know!).

You might change your mind about staying after birth for enhanced mat pay anyway and that would be a double waste.

I really hope you get a positive!

I’m kind of on the same path and I feel like i’m being tortured. Haven’t got pregnant and now losing weight before going through IVF. Have stayed in my job for the maternity pay so have wasted time. Competition is high for jobs so haven’t got very far but have another interview coming up. I want to start IVF soon due to our ages but it’s dependant on me losing weight and waiting times. It’s horrible we have to risk losing pay just to be happy in a job. Also worry what new employer will think about time off and then going on maternity if we are successful