Manager being so petty

[Whoopdedoop]

My manager has been on extended leave for a year, but she’s back now. I have had a great manager in the interim but now she’s back and I can feel my anxiety return.
The problem is that she is so incredibly petty, along the lines of:

Imagjne it’s ten past twelve. I say good morning and she makes a great song and dance “oh, is it still the morning? I hadn’t realised - that clock must be fast, can someone get it fixed please?”

Or I say misname someone and say Jack is in the stationery cupboard instead of saying James and I get “Jack? Jack? Who is Jack? I didn’t realise we had someone new - can you introduce me to him please?”

Or I say 2+2=5, and she says “5? Is it 5? Well, I had no idea - can you share your workings out please, I always thought it equalled 4,”

I realise this may make it sound as though I make a lot of mistakes but I don’t, she knows exactly what I mean, she’s just being nasty.

She does it with everyone, but I just can’t seem to brush it off. Before she left last year I spoke to our Employee Assistance Team as I couldn’t deal with it.

Any suggestions, please?

My response would be... gosh you take things vert literally .. don't you?

But you must be making quite a lot of mistakes for her to be doing this to the extent that it's bothering you so much! If she only did it once a month surely you wouldn't care.

That doesn't mean she's right to do it of course, I fully see why it must be incredibly annoying and it is passive aggressive.

I would start keeping a note of exactly what she says every time. If you do go to EA again it's better to have solid examples of exactly what she says and how often than a vague "she sort of does this..." Writing it down you might see either she doesn't do it as often as you think, and you have just become more sensitive to it, or might see a pattern, i.e. if you regularly get colleagues names wrong just say "him/her" and avoid the issue altogether.

Usually the best way of dealing with a bully (which is what she is, she's trying to make you look small/stupid) is to throw it back on them. So when she goes into her spiel just stand there and stare at her as if you've never seen anything so ridiculous as this woman making a huge deal about something so minor, wait a few seconds after she's stopped talking so there's an awkward silence and then say "...okay, Claire, we get it" or "...right. anyway, in the meeting we need to discuss...." or just deadpan. "No. No new colleague. I said James but meant John."

Possibly make eye contact with another colleague and raise your eyebrows or something - nothing she can pull you up on but enough to make her think you're all judging her rather than everyone laughing with her at you.

Basically just treat her like she's completely mad for overreacting to such a minor issue to the point she feels awkward and then she won't do it again .

I thought it was pretty obvious they were all just made up examples, to illustrate the point that it is minor things the manager is picking up on rather than major issues that could impact their work, because sharing real ones would either be outing/breach of confidentiality or not make sense out of the specific work context.

I agree it would have been more useful if OP could have shared some more specific examples, because honestly it seems quite unusual for someone to make so many little mistakes so frequently, (and could explain, even if not justify why the manager feels the need to pick her up so often, as a TA telling children 2 plus 2 = 5 could actually be an issue)* * but can understand why she didn't.

Is it not obviously a made up example?

OP is clearly talking about common minor errors in speech like picking the wrong word, making a typo in an email or mixing up names.

The sort of thing most people wouldn't comment on at all if the meaning was clear or would just quickly clarify e.g. "Oh do you mean Jane?" At which point the response would be something like: "Oh yes Jane, not Jen haha."

Instead the boss is being an arse and drawing attention to these minor errors in order to be sarcastic and mock the person making them. Which makes the person feel like shit.

Not a nice work environment and shocking management style. Its low level bullying.

I have a manager like this too OP, you are not alone. Ive not done anything about it yet.
Previous posters are missing the point that if someone who is managing you and has to give you feedback on your work picks at tiny inconsequential things all day long, it can grind you down as it can feel like a lot of negative comments thrown your way, and interactions with your manager need to be positive generally so that you are both in the right place to work through legitimate work feedback when it arises, from a psychological safety standpoint. Everyone's different and for some its not easy to shake off.

FFS, she sounds tiresome. I make little errors like this since peri menopause, I don’t think it’s a big deal for the workplace and I’ve only been pulled on it once or twice before I’ve managed to correct myself out of genuine confusion, not used to put me down or humiliate. This brain-fog related issue came up recently in an organisation-wide presentation about the new menopause policy and lots of Teams comments suggested others related too. So if you are the right age, I’d check if your organisation had something similar you could use to start a conversation with the manager if needed.

Are you the manager?

Haha nope. I could never be anyone's manager.

I just wasn't sure if that part was meant to be a joke or not?

Sounds like you are the issue why are you getting so many things wrong?
Now you have pointed out you are the issue no wonder you are stressing.

Thank you for the helpful responses, some of you have absolutely nailed it.

For those of you commenting I’m making a lot of mistakes, they aren’t really mistakes as such, they are slips of the tongue which we all just brush past, but she picks them all up and makes a performance out of them. Of course I didn’t say 2+2=5.

One example from yesterday is referring to a colleague I have know for 17 years by her maiden name. She got married two weeks ago. This was met by “Oh my, I must be going mad, I was sure X got married a few weeks ago,”
Everyone knew who I meant and tbh if I’d referred to her by her new married surname, this would probably have confused a few people who didn’t know her new surname.

Yeah, she’s a dick. So am I though, so I’d always reply very cheery and happy “Aww Susan, see? That’s why you get paid the big bucks!” , “Oh , what would I do without you Susan?”, “ Silly me, you’re right! That’s why I always come to you, you know things!”.

Funnily enough, they stop doing when they realise you don’t give a shit or worse, you can have fun with it.

kill her with kindness is my advice.

It’s sounds like could be perimenopause aros blindness / slips of the tongue. I do it all the time. Colleagues often check . Do you mean X - and I reply oh yes sorry . Don’t rise to the bait here

I would have a serious chat or put in an email with her and say that maybe she would like to consider a late diagnosis for Asd as her behaviour is typical of someone with asd and she cant see it herself

she will either get help or stop doing it if she can

or a friendly chat down the pub ? Come at it from the point if view it make you anxious and hyper vigilant and its making you unhappy at work

only a total duck would continue after that

DO NOT DO THIS. She'll forward the email straight to HR and you'll be in a world of trouble.

Pull her up on it ... and good for talking to someone else we all need this in work.
Don't allow her to do it anymore you've had a better relationship with stand in manager it probably feels worse now the petty one is back.
Its not just petty its pedantic say to her stop being so pedantic marion ffs.